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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think husband should go on Sunday instead?

77 replies

feweekstogo · 11/03/2022 08:45

OH has to travel down to London to collect some things for work, he's able to collect from
Tomorrow he could just go on his own on Sunday when tickets are at the cheapest and come straight back.

However his friend is working all weekend so OH has told him that they will go on Monday instead when his mate is off work so they can "make a day off it"

Im 37 weeks pregnant and have SPD so OH has been around to help me with majority of the school runs to be honest so I am dreading this on my own. I also have a midwife appointment at 12 and have to picked DD up from nursery at 11:45 so I have 15 minutes to get there and we are not supposed to bring kids to antenatal appointments.

AIBU to expect him to go on Sunday? And not on a Monday when I need his help the most.

I can appreciate he probably wants to have a bit of fun but it's putting me in a rubbish situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
feweekstogo · 11/03/2022 09:36

I've not really said much to him as I don't want to feel like I'm being controlling as I am
sure he probably needs a break as much as I do. All I have said is can't you just go on Sunday then come straight back because it's going to be hard for me on the Monday and he says oh it's only for a day you will manage.

@ChoiceMummy he does all school runs I get up and get them ready and he takes them. I will go sometimes but i usually sit in the car depending on how bad my SPD is.

OP posts:
WutheringTights · 11/03/2022 09:37

37 weeks with SPD? He's a dick for even considering going on Monday.

Mybestyear · 11/03/2022 09:39

Given your circumstances, I don't think YABU OP. He can go on Sunday and 'make a day of it' with his friend another time, closer to home. Unless they are planning to do something spectacular that only London can offer on the coming Monday, he can have food and drinks with his mate somewhere else. Time will be short once the new DC comes so maybe he could go out in your home town on Monday if he is feeling in need of some down time if things have been particularly busy recently??? That way he could still do the school run etc and meet his friend later in the day when you are done?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/03/2022 09:39

I can not believe some of these responses. You are 37 weeks pregnant - I gave birth at 36.4 weeks - he should not be making a day of anything at the moment and needs to around to help you

I agree with this!

The main point for me is that you don’t need to have a toddler/‘pre schooler with you at your appointment surely? He needs to be there for nursery pickup, as well as school run, as it’s an obligation he has, not a favour

Broads93 · 11/03/2022 09:42

He deserves a break. If the gender roles were switched here the guy would be called all the names under the sun for not letting the mother have a day off.

Somanysocks · 11/03/2022 10:04

@44PumpLane There is enough information here for my opinion to be valid, male entitlement (but I'm sure he's a lovely selfless partner).

Elieza · 11/03/2022 10:07

“You’ll manage”. Er, HOW exactly when you can’t lift the children because the bones in your pelvis have moved due to pregnancy and you’re limited in what you can do!

Ask him what he would suggest you do to solve the issues you face due to his absence.

And if he comes up with anything doable fine.

If not he needs to help you. It’s half his fault and half yours that you can’t do what you used to.

Gingerbreadman1972 · 11/03/2022 10:14

It's not controlling to ask him to consider the impact on you. Tell him your concerns and see what he says.

BobHadBitchTits · 11/03/2022 10:16

I had SPD and I wouldn't have been able to do the school run. It's agony. Unless you've had it, you really don't understand.

Concestor · 11/03/2022 10:20

You can't take children to your midwife appointment. They won't "understand", you will have to rearrange and at this late stage that's not advisable. I work with midwives and the rules are made up by the venues, not them and they have to follow them.

He can't go Monday as you need to go to your appointment it's as simple as that. Unless he takes your child with him of course.

Franca123 · 11/03/2022 10:21

Not sure why so many are taking your husband's side. I had mild SPD and it was hell. Of course you want help with all that. He's being selfish but sometimes men are. I'd put your foot down. You are 37 weeks pregnant which in my experience is hell on earth. I refused to lived anything at that stage with my second as it was so clearly damaging my body long term to do so. Don't let other women who had easier pregnancies shame you.

Kdubs1981 · 11/03/2022 10:22

All these apologists... unbelievable. Could the OP go to London right now? Of course not. She's about to have a baby. Her husband's baby. They should be a team and it shouldn't have to be explained to him why this is unreasonable. SPD is no joke and exhaustion levels at this stage of pregnancy are unreal. He is being unreasonable

Kdubs1981 · 11/03/2022 10:23

@Luredbyapomegranate

It’s not great. However if he’s generally a good partner I probably bank it for when you want a favour.

But you are perfectly entitled to ask him not to if getting your son in an out of the car is really an issue (and it’s not just that you are over anxious or annoyed he’s getting a fun day out.)

A favour? Like looking after his kids and pregnant wife?
paintfairy · 11/03/2022 10:35

If he usually does school runs and is just missing this one to suit himself, then yes he's being unreasonable. He should have asked you. I would like to do this but on that day it would mean you have to do xyz instead of me, are you able to do that? I assume he knew about the appointment. Had he agreed to pick your DD up from nursery and have her whilst you went? Or did you just assume he would?

ShirleyPhallus · 11/03/2022 10:39

@Kdubs1981

All these apologists... unbelievable. Could the OP go to London right now? Of course not. She's about to have a baby. Her husband's baby. They should be a team and it shouldn't have to be explained to him why this is unreasonable. SPD is no joke and exhaustion levels at this stage of pregnancy are unreal. He is being unreasonable
SPD sounds absolutely awful and clearly the OP couldn’t go anywhere

But to say that exhaustion levels at this stage are unreal isn’t true for everyone - many women are still working / commuting at this stage!

girlmom21 · 11/03/2022 10:40

OP where are you based? How far is the actual journey to London?

Some people are making out like he's trekking across the Himalayas but for others it'd be an hour long round trip.

Heyahun · 11/03/2022 10:43

cant he make a day of it on Sunday!

girlmom21 · 11/03/2022 10:47

@Heyahun

cant he make a day of it on Sunday!
No because his friends working all weekend. She said so in the OP. If he goes on Sunday he's going alone.
MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 11/03/2022 10:47

YANBU

I had spd and no way could I have done what you will be doing on Monday!

Heyahun · 11/03/2022 10:54

sorry missed that bit

surely he can just go to London any old time maybe after the baby is here with his friend

the fact you have the appointment I'd be a bit annoyed as you could use the help

you shouldnt have to rearrange the appontment because he wants a day out

Gottamakesense · 11/03/2022 10:58

I think some people answering don't know what SPD is! I had SPD and could only just walk to the toilet - a walk to the shops would have been impossible/if I pushed myself too hard it made the SPD worse and I actually got stuck in bed unable to get up a few times! Obviously mine was quite a bad case, but would you even physically be able to do those tasks yourself?

girlmom21 · 11/03/2022 11:01

@Gottamakesense

I think some people answering don't know what SPD is! I had SPD and could only just walk to the toilet - a walk to the shops would have been impossible/if I pushed myself too hard it made the SPD worse and I actually got stuck in bed unable to get up a few times! Obviously mine was quite a bad case, but would you even physically be able to do those tasks yourself?
I think this is the problem with anything pregnancy related isn't it. Even in a standard healthy straightforward pregnancy some women feel a lot more able than others, especially at the later stages, so it's the same for women who've had SPD. For some people it's been painful but manageable with pain relief and for others it's completely debilitating.
Franca123 · 11/03/2022 11:04

I think if a woman is 37 weeks pregnant and has SPD and is saying she can't cope with the plan on Monday, we should give her the benefit of the doubt and believe her that she can't cope.

CatSpeakForDummies · 11/03/2022 11:13

Neither of you are being unreasonable, but I think it's a sign that you need to practice asking people for a little bit of help. Are you new to the area? Surely you know somebody from nursery that can pick your DD up and keep her until after your appointment, for example. Do you have someone you can call if you go into labour? Can you share the school run?

With DH working from home it's too easy to make your world small, reach out to the other parents, nobody will mind, honestly.

I think that not wanting to ask someone else a favour isn't really a fair reason for DH not to see his friend.

Seasidemumma77 · 11/03/2022 11:27

Could you compromise? Prehaps dh organises either an extended nursery session or someone to watch dc while you have your midwife appointment, and also organise maybe one of ds's friends parents to drop home to you after school.

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