To not give my DD a tablet when she’s two?

[Sparkles8912]

My DD is 21 months old and doesn’t yet have a tablet for watching shows/ playing games etc. I’m being made to feel a bit of the odd one out by friends and family whose little ones seem to be on a tablet all day. We’re constantly told how clever my nephew (similar age) is for being able to play games etc on his tablet and how much he learns with it and friends have said similar about their DC.

I really wanted to keep screen time to a minimum and not give her a tablet until she’s a fair bit older but now wondering if I’m being unreasonable and depriving her, so considering one for her second birthday.

Sometimes you just want some time to yourself so you put the TV on or give them a tablet.
Yes it's lazy, but it's also called being human.

My little girl is sat watching Toy Story 2 while I mess about on my phone.
Then again this morning we've done some crafts and been out in the garden for an hour.

I'm pretty impressed by those parents who don't let their toddlers look at a tablet or phone screen at all until they're 6 or whatever.
I wouldn't call them good parents, I'd call them super-mums. I honestly think most mums aren't like this.
Then again Mumsnet does represent a disproportionate group of mums in favour of the 'do-gooder' mums, I suppose.

In reality I think most parents can be very lazy at times, but we're not perfect are we? Life is going at a million miles an hour at the moment and the world has gone to shit. As long as your kids are clothed, fed, warm, safe, educated, potty trained and not on a tablet 24/7 you're doing pretty well.

My DS is 6 and doesn’t have one. We have a family one which he can play a phonics game on and a number blocks game on. He uses it for about 10 mins a day. He watches TV too but on the actual TV and we make sure to balance with other activities.

I am definitely not anti screens, they can be a life saver but no 21mo needs a tablet.

We got one for our 2 year old for holidays I think, I can't remember. But it was mainly for holidays, plane entertainment and so we could go to a restaurant or two for adults night, and it was handy by the pool - for a wind down when it was getting too hot and they'd just spent time in the pool. We don't really use them much outside of holidays though.

I think people are probably thinking of on the extreme end of allowing kids unfettered access or using them every time they leave the house to keep them quiet at dinner/doctors/supermarket instead of interacting with them. Most people let their kids watch a bit of tele etc, I think it’s when screens are the main form of entertainment it becomes a problem.

I’m definitely not anti screen but I do limit DD viewing time and 90% of the time she understands we watch TV at certain times. I think it would be much harder to get her off a tablet if I gave her one at this age.

Of course YANBU. Children need access to IT later on to engage with school, they don’t need it when very young, so long as they have mental stimulation. It may be super-convenient to let little ones amuse themselves on tablets rather than going to the effort to engage in person, but this that what young minds need? There is plenty of evidence that time spent on digital devices shortens attention spans, so very early years on tablets could well be storing up problems later in life.

Definitely not being unreasonable or depriving her, DH and I were the same as you with our DD who's now 2.5. I'm of the stance that there's plenty of time for that when she's older, there isn't a need for screen time at this age because they learn so much through playing with toys etc.
I'm not again screen time at all, DD watches tv and knows how to use my phone but I don't see a need for her having a tablet of her own just yet.

Firstly your child doesn't need a tablet for watching TV shows if you need to distract them when out, they can use your mobile phone.

Secondly yes they can have a tablet for playing games like Hey Duggee or practising their letters, but how they will use it depends on how you parent them. So if you allow them to be glued to it all the time you are storing up problems. If you give it to them randomly for short periods but ensure most of the time someone is interacting with them or they are playing on their own with other tangible items then you probably have a good balance.

Children should be out expanding their mind, Tablets are a good tool but not for this age.

We have so many wonderous things only just left in this world for the moment, a vast majority of our wildlife will no longer around when your child has grown up. Would you rather your child grows up with memories of the wonderful song bird or mammal they found as a youngster that is now extinct or playing games on a tablet.

Nature is a science and it amazes me how indifferent people are to what's around them. How many people walk down our street and are completely oblivious to the black bird chirping away mimicking a police siren and a phone ringing or a tune it heard. Grab some nature books and take your kids outside and go id leaves trees, animals birds. :)

My GC got kindles at 2 and iPads from 4. They have their uses. The both do dance and we are very outdoorsy. We all have dogs tat are walked with the children at the beach/country parks. I love to take notice of the moon cycles and stars, my youngest GC, nearly 5 is also interested. There's weekends when they rarely go on them. We aren't television watchers, so the children would watch things on their tablet. The youngest is dyspraxic and is learning from hers. Alphablocks etc really help with literacy. We are selective about what they watch. You can do nature and tech, it isn't an either or.

I agree with you, I can see how they might be the least bad option sometimes (flights, when you're sick etc) but they're not a good thing for very small children. I have a 5yo and nearly 3yo, no tablet tho they watch more TV than is ideal.

Tablet games hack your brain. Watching TV on them means the kids are too close to the screen.

It's harder work to just read books or play but better for them.

My eldest children are six (twins) and they don’t have tablets. I question a lot of things we’ve done as parents, but this is one I don’t. Reasons I’m happy with our choice:

1. No arguments about access to tablets. They watch TV, but I love avoiding this battlefield.
2. They are great conversationalists and I feel proud when we can go out for meals and they are happy to sit and chat. They’ve been good company at restaurants since they were about three.
3. They have incredible imaginations and I think are still quite ‘young’ with their play, in a good way. They’ve spent let of the morning before school making cardboard guitars and speakers for a party their planning to throw this weekend. Before my husband and I woke up, they were in their playroom building a marble run.
4. Their younger sister is three and follows her brothers’ example, so she doesn’t play with a tablet either, nor does she expect to.

A 2yo absolutely does not need a tablet. And don’t get sucked into the YouTube thing earlier. I see so many people complaining about unboxing videos and how their children don’t understand why they can’t have endless toys. We’ve never had that issue because my children don’t realise those people exist. Don’t do it to yourself!

we all have diffrent views on tablets,

personally i dont agree with tablets for children. or the tv. although educational for them, i believe that it is addictive and does them no favours to think the tv is communication.

if i have children there would be limits. i would rather they talked with me about there day and hear what they think of the world than view life through a screen.

My husband works in tech. He plays the odd computer game occasionally, but not often.
Our kids are 3 and 19 months. They don't have a tablet and have no access to our phones or laptops etc. No plans to get them any, and actively against getting them gaming consoles.

My husband will teach them how to code, and they'll get laptops when they need them.

Don't feel bad at all!

I think at the core of it is the need for distraction, especially when out and about. An important part of kids being well behaved is them tolerating a little boredom and things not being arranged for them. Tablets make it seem like any quiet moment should be filled. They can just look out of the window!

Hahaha I am giggling at the thought of my previous self trying to keep my livewire toddlers occupied by telling them to look out of the window!! It might have worked for about 30 seconds before they were bouncing off their chair... (Which is not to say I am in favour of lengthy daily tablet time, just that it's important to be realistic in behaviour expectations) I would though expect my 8 year old to tolerate some boredom now so it would be reasonable to tell him to look out of the window when he's bored...

@danascully really? I guess some toddlers are more easily amused than others. Mine spends a lot of time throwing his socks in the air and playing with stuff from the kitchen drawers. I think once you get a tablet it becomes a rod for your own back as they want it all the time.

@Foldinthecheese why do you attribute 2-4 to your children not having tablets?

People who work in big tech apparently don't give their kids devices because they know how damaging they can be.

I'm sure that's the case for some parents who work in tech ... but it definitely isn't the case with anyone I know who does. I know quite a few people who work in tech and pretty much all of them have introduced that sort of thing to their kids from a very young age - but certainly not indiscriminately and they certainly don't use a tablet as a babysitter. The head web designer where I work bought both his children some form of tablet when they were toddlers, because he's aware that they're of a generation where tech skills are going to be universally essential.

But they're basically using them to play little games and puzzles - things like hearing an animal noise and tapping on the picture of the animal, or moving shapes around little mazes and stuff, or reading and maths games for the older one (I think she's four). He also says the older one really benefits from having children's audiobooks and kids' radio plays downloaded on to hers.

I'm not saying a child needs a tablet, not by any means, or that it should always be the go-to device to occupy them. Clearly it shouldn't be. But I think that, as with anything, it's about what they use them for and how the parent supervises. Would I stick a child in front of YouTube? No. Would I let them play a little puzzle game aimed at their age group, or let them try taking their own photos or making little tunes on a music? Yes.

I think the kneejerk response of 'AAARRGGGGH TECH BAD GAMING BAD SCREEN BAD' is probably one that will die out soon. Worth remembering that all the same arguments about tech - that it rots the brain, is addictive, is stopping people from engaging in real life - were also made about reading fiction when the novel started to become the dominant form of literature.

@CyranoCyrano obviously I can’t be sure because I haven’t seen the alternative, but I think tablets can easily become the default, if that makes sense. It’s easier to go out for dinner if the children can take their tablets, so it becomes a habit. At home, it keeps them quiet and entertained, so you say yes more and more.

Because we don’t use tablets, we’ve had to put the effort into encouraging conversations and quiet activities at restaurants, but it’s resulted in children who know how to behave sensibly and we can enjoy their company.

I also think it’s a slippery slope once children start playing lots of games on tablets because they can’t get the same kind of ‘reward’ from other toys. There’s no positive noise when they successfully build a tower of blocks, or fancy animation when they put a puzzle together. It’s natural that they start to prefer tablets and don’t experience the boredom that leads to creativity.

We’re not perfect on this by any means. We download stuff so the children can watch shows or films during long journeys, and during lockdown they played CBeebies games maybe once a week or so. But it has never become a real habit, and I’m not in any rush to make it one.

I was on the bus the other day and this young woman got on with a child of about 2.5 in a pushchair. Straight away she gave him a tablet and she got on her phone and for 45 mins that child was on the tablet, looking at things and then trying to attract her attention to show her something on it. She didn't take a blind bit of notice of him and I just wanted to shout at her, for goodness sake look at your child he wants to speak to you.
I could actually see the sad look on his face when she ignored him and he never tried to speak to her again and just watched the tablet. Can imagine this is what he has to do all the time. It is sad.

Don’t do it!!! They’re so addictive and dd’s behaviour is always way worse after being on her tablet, it’s like she loses the ability to regulate her emotions. Friends tell me their kids are the same.

@Foldinthecheese Well I have seen the alternative. My nephew always had tablets at dinner when he was younger. He’s now 5 and out for dinner last week we had an extremely detailed conversation about dinosaurs, school and his swimming lessons. He is an excellent conversationalist. So he used to tablets when younger and it’s resulted in a child who can behave properly and have a conversation - exactly the same as your children.

He and his youngest siblings also play make believe exactly like your children. I know as I’ve had to participate many times. They have excellent imaginations.

Basically you assumed something about children who use tablets then assumed your children’s behaviour is as they don’t use them. Very lazy way to think about things!

It’s the same as that silly WHO recommendation of no screen time under 2. The study underpinning that recommendation looked at two sets of children- those who watched tv and those who didn’t. It found that the children who watched tv performed worse on a range of outcomes. They didn’t control for mothers education, income status, amount of screen time or anything!!

A study that actually looked at the roll out of television in the US and compared children in towns without television due to delayed rollout and matched them on socioeconomic status and mothers education. They found no statistically significant impact of television on children outcomes.

@Carpediem15

I was on the bus the other day and this young woman got on with a child of about 2.5 in a pushchair. Straight away she gave him a tablet and she got on her phone and for 45 mins that child was on the tablet, looking at things and then trying to attract her attention to show her something on it. She didn't take a blind bit of notice of him and I just wanted to shout at her, for goodness sake look at your child he wants to speak to you. I could actually see the sad look on his face when she ignored him and he never tried to speak to her again and just watched the tablet. Can imagine this is what he has to do all the time. It is sad.

Again that has nothing to do with the tablet and everything to do with bad parenting @Carpediem15