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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave poolside during 3-yr olds swimming lesson

135 replies

vera16 · 10/03/2022 21:54

3-year old DS has been swimming in a pre level one swimming class for about 5 weeks. Parents have always sat on a little bench nearby and helped out kids as required. All very nice and DS really enjoys it. Tonight a pool attendant asked all parents to move to the balcony which is a 2-min walk away back through the building, I didn't feel happy. Sat on the balcony and waved at kids (who were then confused and spent rest of lesson looking for parents on balcony). I then had to watch helpless from balcony as my DS wondered off by himself in the water (no armbands) as the teacher had her back to him sorting out another child. Can't blame the teacher these are 3 yr olds after all. I just had to hope that someone would notice in good time if he slipped and went underwater as there was no way I could have helped him. AIBU to request to speak to the manager about this?

OP posts:
saleorbouy · 11/03/2022 06:37

The life guard is trained to oversee the children in the lesson and their safety is managed along with the instructor.
You're able to raise the alarm if something is amiss but being away from the poolside is normal in my experience of swim lessons.

Pinkchicken85 · 11/03/2022 06:37

Teach them how to swim yourself, or at least teach some water safety to your child. Then retry when you feel more confident leaving them with a teacher and 4 other kiddos.

CantChatNow · 11/03/2022 06:46

We’ve never been poolside for our kids lessons (even when they’ve had private 2 to 1 lessons, we were in a waiting room).
Currently lessons at the local leisure centre, my youngest is still a non swimmer but he is in the training pool so never out of depth but we do have 1 instructor to about 6 kids. I don’t worry about him at all but I guess I would if he was in the big pool and could wander out of depth. If that was the scenario I’d probably move him tbh.

TabithaHazel · 11/03/2022 06:46

Parents on the balcony is normal at the pool we go to, however when my DC were 3 I was still in the water with them, this seems very early for parents to be on poolside. I definitely wouldn't have felt comfortable with that.

cabansunset · 11/03/2022 06:52

If you feel that you need to be in arms reach to keep your child safe then there is something massively wrong with the swimming teacher and swimming pool safety!

I suspect you are completely overreacting though and looking for reasons to stress because you found it hard to be distanced during the lesson.

This is standard practice though, it would be impossible to teach children to be water safe and confident and trust their teacher with 'stressy' parents waterside, getting themselves involved.

Loginmystery · 11/03/2022 06:52

@Frazzled50yrold

I'd query the ratio of staff to child for that age group. I've witnessed a child being resuscitated at a swimming pool and it's not something I'd ever want to see again. Things can go wrong very quickly.
Oh my god that’s awful. Horrific!
WhiskeyMakesMeFrisky · 11/03/2022 07:01

@vera16

Today there were five 3-yr olds and one teacher.
I think you're being a bit over the top. You've already said there's a lifeguard as well.

Over protective and over involved parents that won't not interfere are probably the reason they won't let parents sit poolside.

Mylittlepixie · 11/03/2022 07:10

Mine went to swimming classes at age 3. There was a no parent policy. We hd to leave and couldnt really watch at all. There was a cafe with a window, but it only showed the deep end of the pool.

balalake · 11/03/2022 07:11

Asking why the change in policy seems reasonable, though I am surprised it was not the policy to begin with.

RantyAunty · 11/03/2022 07:20

You're being OTT.

They don't want parents like you hovering and gasping in fright with each splash.

The children are learning a skill and gaining confidence in themselves.

NewPapaGuinea · 11/03/2022 07:21

Our lessons have a main teacher plus an assistant and up until the last few weeks we were in the pool with them. I don’t think I’d be comfortable having one teacher for 5 children, you wouldn’t be allowed that ratio in a normal pool session.

nearly4o · 11/03/2022 07:25

In a similar set up - pool in squares etc with group one through 6 or something with lots of age groups and abilities, tbe only lifeguard was hanging out down the end with tbe competent swimmers of around 10 years of age. My 3 & 4 yrs old were in tbe pool at tbe other end. I walked up to
Him and asked him where he thought his high risk area was? And should he maybe make sure he is a little
Closer so he can watch and respond to any emergencies . He soon shifted his ass down tbe pool. I'm not embarrassed- safety of my kids island all that!

gettingolderandgrumpy · 11/03/2022 07:28

I know a swimming teacher who teaches kids and she said it’s so frustrating when parents are shouting over to their kids when she is teaching them . Tbh I think it’s best parents are out of the way less distractions . They are perfectly safe being taught let them be you don’t need to be poolside.

BendingSpoons · 11/03/2022 07:29

My DS just turned 3 and moved to a stage 1 class. (Previously in a class with parents). When DD started stage 1 it was about 5 kids, slight range of abilities and no armbands. DS is in a class of 7, several recently turned 3's by the look of it, so she is currently putting them in armbands. We are watching in the viewing gallery too, so it's a bit less anxiety provoking! I know they need to remove armbands for ideal teaching, but I think she has risk assessed this for now!

Original poster
vera16 · 11/03/2022 07:40

@RantyAunty

You're being OTT.

They don't want parents like you hovering and gasping in fright with each splash.

The children are learning a skill and gaining confidence in themselves.

This is not the reality. The 'parents bench' is set back a good distance (say 3-4m) from the pool and I have never seen any interference from the parents or the children trying to interact during the lesson. They are in the pool and the parents are 3m on the bench. The only interaction is toilet requests, giving a quick hug (e.g. when my DS slipped a swallowed a lungful of water and was scared).
OP posts:
Original poster
vera16 · 11/03/2022 07:42

I do take on board that I am instinctively not comfortable with the teacher turning her back on the kids and this is likely the main reason I objected to being moved away,

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 11/03/2022 07:47

@gettingolderandgrumpy

I know a swimming teacher who teaches kids and she said it’s so frustrating when parents are shouting over to their kids when she is teaching them . Tbh I think it’s best parents are out of the way less distractions . They are perfectly safe being taught let them be you don’t need to be poolside.
We never had this issue with dd’s swim teacher. She had 3/4 in a class and used to talk to us parents sometimes as well as the children about their progress etc. We used to chat amongst ourselves and observe rather than interfere. They were older than 3 btw so the risk of drowning was greatly reduced as they could all swim. Perhaps it depends on the parents.
Mybestyear · 11/03/2022 07:47

@ForcedOut123

Standard. Happened to me, child’s waistband fell off 1st lesson and instructor’s back to her. She turned round but not until I’d nearly had a heart attack behind glass upstairs. We lived to tell tale. You’ve got to trust people. It’ll be ok.
Ok so you “lived to tell the tale” but it could have been a very different outcome.

I’m the least protective parent I know but I would not take any chances at age 3. They could drown in literally seconds. I probably wouldn’t do lessons until they were a bit older but rather teach the basics myself. YANBU OP.

SamMil · 11/03/2022 07:51

Not being poolside wouldn't bother me.

BUT I wouldn't be comfortable with only one teacher and five young children.

In our pool, there is a teacher and swimming assistant for every class. Parents sit away from the pool behind a glass window but I have never been worried. If the teacher is helping a child individually, the assistant will be watching the rest of the kids so they're always in hand to grab them if needed.

PurpleFlower1983 · 11/03/2022 07:52

Our DD is 3 in a 2-4 swimming class, parents in the pool at this age. I wouldn’t trust a group with one instructor at this age!

Darbs76 · 11/03/2022 07:56

3 is young for lessons where parents aren’t present. Worth doing more parent and child lessons where you’re in the pool if you’re worried

GnomeDePlume · 11/03/2022 08:05

I think the teacher to child ratio is too low if there is no dedicated additional adult (assistant or lifeguard). I would raise it with the pool management.

Otherwise, I think having parents close by can reduce safety - distracted children not paying attention and getting into difficulty, parent going in to rescue child and needing rescuing themselves.

50DaysAF · 11/03/2022 08:10

In our lessons pre-school kids have a parent/carer in the water with them. No exceptions.

I wouldn’t be comfortable being that far away from mine. Mostly because they muck about a lot but also because the lifeguards on duty look half asleep most of the time.

The don’t get to go into the water by themselves until they start school, so age 4 turning 5. Then I will have to wait in the viewing area (watching like a hawk).

IamnotSethRogan · 11/03/2022 08:15

Swimming teachers probably don't want the parents "helping"

It's very distracting for everyone. There's a very annoying dad who is constantly getting involved when he should be leaving the instructor to do their job

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 11/03/2022 08:19

This is totally standard at the pool my kids learn at. Right from the little toddler lessons up to swim skills 4 or whatever the highest is.

Parents need to sit outside the pool area in the observation area watching though the glass. Totally normal. And it is good for you to learn to let go.

Either you trust the pool or you dont. You'll have to decide.