To continue correcting DD?

[Nosnogginginthekitchen]

Will try and avoid drip feeding, but also keep this to the salient points so fingers crossed I give the right/enough info.

Exh is in a new relationship (well, 2.5ish years, but newer than ours as it were), has got engaged to his girlfriend, she is still married to her exh as he won't agree a divorce.

Exh's fiance has two children and my DD gets on well with them, esp her DD.

Here's the AIBU - DD has been referring to this girl as her step sister. When I gently pointed out that daddy and X aren't married yet, so she will be your step sister, but isn't yet, DD got huffy and said that daddy, X and X's daughter all said they were stepsisters. I repeated that they're future stepsisters, but that X needs to get divorced and married to daddy before they're actually stepsisters.

Other potentially relevant facts:
DD is 6 and can be very dogged about things she thinks are true. DS, who's older, has ADHD and ASD traits and gets very literal about things, so I don't want to set DD up for spouting facts contrary to the truth as DS will argue and neither of them will it go.

However I am also just pissed off that exh and his new family are, essentially lying to my daughter, so I admit I am not 100% sure ianbu because I admit that there are emotions in this.

YABU - let them say stepsister. It'll happen one day and why not let them use the term now?

YANBU - stick to the facts and keep correcting her gently by saying future stepsister - you can't even be sure they'll get married until it happens.

YABU

It’s a technicality, it doesn’t really matter, stop trying to “correct” her about who she considers her family

I refer to my stepmum and stepsiblings even though my dad isn’t married to his partner. They’ve been together over 20 years and have no plans to ever get married, but my relationship with them doesn’t change whether they’re married or not, so it doesn’t really matter whether I say “stepmum” or “my dads partner”

Post on relationships Op, posters on there will have good suggestions for dealing with him. You need to make arrangements/be civil but to be frank the rest isn’t your issue. There are posters with long running threads. It’s good just to get it out and get feedback like you have taken on board here.

Stop stressing out your DD, she has been through enough with the breakdown of your relationship. There is absolutely no point to splitting hairs like this. It makes you look bitter & unhinged & is not in anyway important & potentially damages your DD, who should come first

It’s good you can now accept the advice re your original post.

As for your update, my advice would be, as others have said, you need to just get on with it. Concentrate on your own life with your dc, do your own things, live and plan as though you are the only one in your dc lives. If their dad wants to see them etc, then let him get in touch and do the running around. You don’t need to facilitate a relationship between him and his kids, that’s up to him to do. Just move on yourself, with your own life, living how you want to live. It will then be happier and easier for you.
As a side line, can you not access nhs talking therapies?

Do you have a friend you can talk to about it all? Someone who will just provide a pair of listening ears?

Good luck

@Meandthesky

YABU

It’s a technicality, it doesn’t really matter, stop trying to “correct” her about who she considers her family

I refer to my stepmum and stepsiblings even though my dad isn’t married to his partner. They’ve been together over 20 years and have no plans to ever get married, but my relationship with them doesn’t change whether they’re married or not, so it doesn’t really matter whether I say “stepmum” or “my dads partner”

Your might want to go back and read the OP's second post