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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we should all sleep in separate rooms?

277 replies

Pipsquiggle · 09/03/2022 19:59

Lighthearted thread.

My DH has covid - his 2nd bout in 6 weeks - therefore I am sleeping in the spare room and I am bloody loving it.

Better quality of sleep, having my own bed, not worrying if I am waking up DH when I go to bed, waking up naturally......... I could go on.

Just wondered if anyone else felt the same.

I know mega posh couples who live in castles / palaces have their own bedrooms and I totally get it.

OP posts:
MissCalamity · 09/03/2022 22:22

DP has started his wart hog snoring again after years of not doing it, he no longer shares my bed, unfortunately DD now wanders in about midnight to get in with me, but I don't mind her too much 😁

boireannach · 09/03/2022 22:22

We have separate houses, 40 years in, it works for us.

CartoonFig · 09/03/2022 22:23

Slept separately for a while now. No way I'd want to go back. Love it. I actually know quite a few couples who do as well. Seems to be much more common than I realised.

AwayInMyMind · 09/03/2022 22:24

I won't live with my DP of 4 years... he is an amazing man, but no. So we share for 3 or 4 nights a week (super king size).. any more that than this, he goes to the spare room

HisHX · 09/03/2022 22:25

I’m clearly an anomaly but I can’t sleep unless we’re on bed together! Even if I’m trying to get an early night and husband is watching a film, I never fall asleep until he’s in bed. Or if one of us is away for the weekend, the other can’t sleep properly. Probably helps that neither of us snore, though I am known to sleep talk/walk!

TheFabulousSamathaJones · 09/03/2022 22:28

We have separate rooms and love it. Happily married, plenty of sex but sleep apart. Neither of us would change it

TheFabulousSamathaJones · 09/03/2022 22:30

We have our own bathrooms as well, bliss

Juno22 · 09/03/2022 22:33

We sleep together but I sleep much better when we sleep apart. On balance I'd rather sleep together.

But this thread has reminded me that we once went on holiday and had 2 single duvets on the double bed. It was amazing, I slept so well as wasn't constantly having to drag the duvet back.

GreenNewDealNow · 09/03/2022 22:33

It's funny how so many people prefer sleeping separately when sharing a bed has been seen as the ideal and the norm for so long. Where do these ideas come from and why do we feel pressure to follow them? What else do we do that we don't really like doing?

feelingfree17 · 09/03/2022 22:34

Separate rooms - best thing ever!

gingerhills · 09/03/2022 22:35

I've realised I'd done like sleeping alone. If DH isn't around I hoist our elderly cat onto the bed beside me. I always feel a little dip of the heart when I wake up on my own if I'm away form home for work and realise DH isn't there.

LuluBlakey1 · 09/03/2022 22:36

@Bofthebang

We have two spare rooms, and we keep the radiator switched off in one that we rarely use (never have enough visitors that both rooms are needed!)

One of my biggest pleasures in life is sneaking out of our bedroom when my husband starts snoring and getting into the cold bed in the cold spare room. I know it probably sounds mad but I get SO hot sharing a bed with him and I sleep like a baby once I’m in the cold room 😄

So yes, separate rooms are definitely the way forward. Sadly my husband disagrees, hence the charade of going to bed together each night, while waking up in separate rooms!

This ^^. I love sneaking into a cold bed in the spare room next to ours. Space, cool bed, no one radiating heat next to me, or snoring. I love it.
Himawarigirl · 09/03/2022 22:37

I love my DH and we have all the cuddles etc. and still have a room we think of as ‘our bedroom’ with our clothes and stuff in. But I adore sleeping in a separate room to him. We both get much better sleep and I can’t imagine sharing with him again. Started when I was pregnant with our first and sleeping badly. Three kids in, our sleep is so precious and his insomnia has got worse, so he doesn’t disturb me when we’re separate.

Scbchl · 09/03/2022 22:37

My husband regularly, at least once a week (was last night) sleeps in another room so I can get a better sleep due to his snoring. I feel so so much better the day after and get a better sleep. Unfortunately its only when one of the kids isn't here, we don't have a spare room. If we did, I'd defo do it every night.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/03/2022 22:40

I have slept apart from DH since DS1 was a couple of weeks old - I was co-sleeping with DS1 and it was too hard with DH in the bed too, so he shipped out to the spare room at that point. DS1 stayed in with me until he was 6mo, when he went into his cot; but then we moved to Australia and he wouldn't stay in the cot (understandable, soooo much change) so he came back in with me and stayed until I was pg with DS2, when he went into his own room again.
DH and I keep very different hours - I'm an owl, he's a lark; plus he snores (and now so do I) and is a restless sleeper, so we sleep much better apart than together.

When we go away, DS1 and DH usually share the twin room and DS2 stays in with me. It's what works for our family - but not for everyone.

DrNo007 · 09/03/2022 22:40

We have separate bedrooms. Neither of us can sleep properly if we are in the same room. We ‘meet’ in my double bed when we want to and then he retires to his single bed. Works for us.

Benjispruce5 · 09/03/2022 22:47

I get it. I remember being shocked that the royals had separate rooms but now I think it’s a great idea. Shame I don’t have a spare room.

Childrenofthestones · 09/03/2022 22:48

I work shifts so we both get to at least experience this. She gets the room to herself when I'm on nights and I get the pleasure of coming home off a nightshift and getting into a lovely big bed alone and doing the starfish. 😁👍

garythesnail · 09/03/2022 22:51

Definitely, it's the best! I hate sharing a bed, always have. Unfortunately DH doesn't feel the same, he's been in another room due to health issues but wants to come back in with me Sad

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/03/2022 22:54

Sorry if someone else has posted this but historically people only slept together out of necessity. Anyone who could afford it would have seperate rooms/beds and I totally get it!

My dealbreaker for living with anyone ever again would be.....seperate bedrooms and seperate lounges (his with a TV if he wants it, mine without as I absolutely do not). Oh and seperate bathrooms!

GirlOfTudor · 09/03/2022 22:54

Question for those who permanently sleep in seperate rooms... What do you do when you go on holiday? Book seperate hotel rooms? Book an apartment with bedrooms for each of you?

Twopandemicpregnancies · 09/03/2022 22:54

Me and DP have slept apart for most of the last 3 years due to pregnancies, breastfeeding and illnesses. I also love a blacked out room but easily wake up, he loves to be woken by natural daylight and struggles to wake up. He also stays up later than me. Oh and he makes me too hot when we share.

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/03/2022 22:57

I should add that I am seperated for three years and star fishing is utterly heavenly, especially as I am skinny and ex was/is MASSIVE so I was doing the "clinging to the edge of the mattress" thing. When ex saw a picture that DD sent him of her in my bed, he was very miffed that there was one set of pillows (mine) in the very middle of the bed :o

Pinkbonbon · 09/03/2022 23:00

@GirlOfTudor

Question for those who permanently sleep in seperate rooms... What do you do when you go on holiday? Book seperate hotel rooms? Book an apartment with bedrooms for each of you?
I think I would get a 1 bed apartment and we'd take turns on the sofa bed in the living space. Ideally. Though if it was just for a week and we were on a budget then I'm sure I could suck it up and share a room.
Sswhinesthebest · 09/03/2022 23:05

I’d quite like to, but I find it makes a bit of a disconnect in our marriage so will have to continue sharing!