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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we should all sleep in separate rooms?

277 replies

Pipsquiggle · 09/03/2022 19:59

Lighthearted thread.

My DH has covid - his 2nd bout in 6 weeks - therefore I am sleeping in the spare room and I am bloody loving it.

Better quality of sleep, having my own bed, not worrying if I am waking up DH when I go to bed, waking up naturally......... I could go on.

Just wondered if anyone else felt the same.

I know mega posh couples who live in castles / palaces have their own bedrooms and I totally get it.

OP posts:
Seema1234 · 09/03/2022 21:38

We've always had seperate rooms. I love having my own room as it's a sanctuary. I keep it tidy and decorate it. DHs is functional. People have always thought it odd , but I love it.

raspberryjamchicken · 09/03/2022 21:39

DH and I have slept in separate rooms for years. He really struggles sleeping anyway and once we threw babies and toddlers into the mix nobody was getting any sleep. It was meant to be short term but we both got used to it and I'm not sure we could go back now. I think it does probably make us less intimate but sleeping is more important to us.

Newnamefor2022 · 09/03/2022 21:40

I would hate separate bedrooms but separate bathrooms are LUSH! Grin

Smashedavacado · 09/03/2022 21:44

Just realised I'm not alone!
We slept separately recently due to covid & loved having the space of DS's king size bed - he's off at uni.
Now using excuse that DH often has radio on in the night if he can't sleep. Hearing constant news at the moment makes me anxious.
Really enjoying it 👍

Smashedavacado · 09/03/2022 21:46

Must add that the only person concerned by separate sleeping is DS (22!). Think he's seeing as a sign of impending divorce 😂

noirchatsdeux · 09/03/2022 21:46

Been doing it for about a year now. I'm in a LDR, he comes up to stay about once a month for a week at a time. I'm 53 and in the last 3 years the hot flushes have really started to kick in, mainly at night. I was spending most of the time he was here absolutely exhausted and ratty from lack of sleep. His snoring and wanting to play on his tablet for hours really didn't help, either.

In the end I sat him down and told him that I was no longer willing to spend most of the night awake and upset. I think that the lockdowns helped, because he'd also got used to having a double bed to himself in the months we didn't see each other. Usually now we spend the first night together, and he then sleeps on the sofa bed in the living room for the rest of his stay.

BigFatLiar · 09/03/2022 21:46

These days we sleep seperate when we can. Still visit each other at night/in the morning for cuddles etc. OH has health issues making him get in and out of bed and be pretty restless so separate is good.

Snaketime · 09/03/2022 21:50

My DH snores like a freight train, so we sleep in separate rooms, our relationship is so much better now.

underneaththeash · 09/03/2022 21:54

@PinkPlantCase

I don’t think we’re designed to sleep apart. I sleep better when me and DH are in bed together.
And me!
venusandmars · 09/03/2022 21:54

@Bofthebang One of my biggest pleasures in life is sneaking out of our bedroom when my husband starts snoring and getting into the cold bed in the cold spare room. I know it probably sounds mad but I get SO hot sharing a bed with him and I sleep like a baby once I’m in the cold room

It's a physiological mechanism, going from a warm body to a cooler body makes us drop off to sleep, much in the same way as having a warm bath before bed.

WilsonMilson · 09/03/2022 21:57

I’d hate it, I love cuddles in bed. One of my favourite parts of the day is cuddled up and falling asleep with my head on dh’s chest.

EwwSprouts · 09/03/2022 21:57

I read recently 35% of married couples sleep in separate bedrooms but I can't remember where.

Rewis · 09/03/2022 21:58

My parents slept in different rooms for as long as I remember. Never thought it was weird until I used words "moms room" and "dad's room" in front of friends.

AchillesLastStand · 09/03/2022 21:58

My DH and I have been sleeping separately for over 10 years. He has insomnia and restless leg syndrome and I have bladder issues since having my DS and can be up going to the loo several times a night. Our relationship is very strong, we’ve together nearly 20 years. I sleep in the master bedroom with the en-suite due to the nighttime loo visits, and my DH is his own room, and my DH and DS both get into my bed first thing in the morning for cuddles. It’s a perfect arrangement for us and I can’t ever see us changing it. I know I wouldn’t want to as my I’m an introvert and love having my own space. I thought we were quite unusual until I read this thread tonight.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 09/03/2022 21:59

My DH and I sleep separately. We still have sex. Prob more than before. We used to have huge fights over snoring before and it would result in an argument the next day. We got married last year after 19 years together and I don't think that would have happened if we hadn't done that.

RebeccaCloud9 · 09/03/2022 22:02

Oh god yeah, we got into the habit of it when dd was in a phase of coming into our bed in the night, so DH moved to a spare room. Now I don't want him back! It's ace having your own room for sleeping! We've never been cuddlers throughout the night anyway so no downside really!

Ragwort · 09/03/2022 22:03

We've had separate bedrooms for years, married 35+ years. I hate sharing a bedroom - we were in a hotel at at the weekend and although I insist on twin beds if we are away it was still really hard to sleep and I didn't want to get up to read or have a drink, potter around which is what I would do at home.

Those of you who say 'your DH wouldn't like it' if you slept apart, doesn't that make them sound like a sulky toddler?

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 09/03/2022 22:04

@Rewis

My parents slept in different rooms for as long as I remember. Never thought it was weird until I used words "moms room" and "dad's room" in front of friends.
My DD had friends over for a sleepover recently and they were asking me why we had our own rooms as she'd referred to 'my mum's room and my dad's room'. Lots of awkward questions Grin
ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 09/03/2022 22:04

@BeingATwatItsABingThing

I must be unusual in that I don’t sleep as well when my DH isn’t with me.
I’m the same. It’s fine for naps etc but I genuinely don’t have a good sleep if DH isn’t in beside me.
billy1966 · 09/03/2022 22:05

@CowsAreNotGreen

If you can manage seperate beds try seperate duvets. Game changer.
Absolutely.

Through circumstances I got a great deal many years ago on single goose duvets and bought 8 of them.

Fantastic buy, and put two on the double beds we have.
Without exception everyone who ever stayed with us said they had a great nights rest.
Whatever about sharing a bed, sharing a duvet is unnatural!🤣

mumoflittlemice · 09/03/2022 22:10

Our daughter also has covid for 2nd time in six weeks!

Also agree on separate bedroom idea though!

dollymuchymuchness · 09/03/2022 22:12

Separate rooms are bliss.

Bangolads · 09/03/2022 22:17

Oh yikes this is interesting- we’ve been sleeping apart for 10 days because of Covid - had one night back together but I snored and now he’s in the spare room again. I think we both prefer it🤷🏼‍♀️

Minniem2020 · 09/03/2022 22:20

We also slept separately when we had covid and I did enjoy it. I'm in bed most nights by 10pm whereas dp is more like 1am, he snores really badly and I get up a couple of times for the toilet so we didnt have to worry about disturbing each other

whenindoubtgotothelibrary · 09/03/2022 22:20

I've been in the spare room for over a week as DH has Covid, and it's been bloody lovely. No snoring or duvet hogging. The spare room's much warmer and darker too. I've slept so much better. Unfortunately DH had a negative test this morning so I might have to go back in with him tomorrow. Thinking of making a bid for permanent separate sleeping...