AIBU to think that children don't need a phone until they're at secondary?

irritablehead1 · 2022-03-09T18:16:17+00:00

DD is in Year 6. Everyone, it seems, is getting a phone. I hate the idea of her having a phone all the time but I also feel like we are getting increasingly isolated in our thinking about waiting till summer/secondary. AIBU to think it's just so young?

AHungryCaterpillar · 09/03/2022 18:17

No they don’t need one but doesn’t mean they can’t have one 🤷‍♀️ My child got one for his 8th birthday he uses it without a sim so it’s used the same as a tablet

DelurkingAJ · 09/03/2022 18:19

I know some people who got their DC unsmart phones for Y6 for the walk to and from school and for going places more independently. Seems like a decent balance to me and we’ve discussed doing exactly that for DSs.

Lazypuppy · 09/03/2022 18:20

Completely agree OP

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 09/03/2022 18:21

YANBU to think your child doesn't need one.
YABU to extrapolate that to every Y6. Theres all sorts of reasons they have them... communication with parents id they are separated, walking to/from school or activities alone, communication with friends, or just as a mini computer at home.

My DD uses hers to send messages to her dad when he's away with work, talking to friends and to look up pictures of animals when she's drawing/painting.

TeenPlusCat · 09/03/2022 18:21

Something to be said for getting one at some point in y6. The novelty can wear off before September.

Bevvyoc · 09/03/2022 18:22

My son is in year 6 and has a phone. I don't know any of his friends that don't have one. He got it for his tenth birthday. He doesn't always have it. Had a lot of rules he had to agree to before he got one. I go through it a couple of times a week.

audweb · 09/03/2022 18:22

My nine year old has one. It has a sim but I don’t pay for data. It’s basically a mini tablet. What a life saver for her socially during times of lockdown where she could independently call her friends and family including her dad and brother, while I was working full time, solo parenting. I monitor the use and she mostly plays mine craft or nice roblox games.

There are times and ways to use them, and she won’t get data until she is going out independently. Also I never bought it, it was a hand me down.

Divebar2021 · 09/03/2022 18:23

My DD is year 5 and her friend came over with an iPhone. She seemed to have full access to Snapchat and Tik Tok etc which I think is absolute madness. I have said not before secondary for DD but she’s very disgruntled about it.

oviraptor21 · 09/03/2022 18:23

I got my DC a phone on their birthday in year 6 so that they were ready to use it when they went to secondary school. I see no need to get them one before this.

OutdoorType · 09/03/2022 18:24

DD got a "dumb" phone towards the end of year 5 when she started occasionally meeting friends at park etc without me, then smartphone near end of year 6. But we had rules in place eg limited time on it each day, I was able to check it at any time, discussion before installing new apps etc. I don't think they necessarily need to have phone on or with them "all the time".

2reefsin30knots · 09/03/2022 18:24

Don't they need a phone when they need one? My DS walked to and from school on his own in Y6 and spent an hour on his own at home in the morning after I left for work. He also sometimes boarded (through choice) and if they don't have their own phone they have to call home from the house phone with people listening.

He doesn't do anything different now he's in Y7 so why would he need one now, but not have needed one in Y6?

dumdumduuuummmmm · 09/03/2022 18:25

@TeenPlusCat

Something to be said for getting one at some point in y6. The novelty can wear off before September.

Exactly what we did

ChattanoogaShoeShoe · 09/03/2022 18:25

I would have agreed with up until about 2 years ago. But during lockdown a cheap sim in an old phone was a brilliant lifeline to my primary school aged DC for staying in contact with friends.

Divebar2021 · 09/03/2022 18:27

If you have given a child a smart phone and don’t have full parental controls on you are absolutely playing with fire - speaking as someone who worked in child protection and saw the messages that children received on SM. My sisters school has also been embroiled in bullying situation where a year six child was being horrendously bullied / threatened on a year 6 WhatsApp group. As if teachers haven’t got enough to deal with.

FinnulaFloss · 09/03/2022 18:30

Same as a pp - both of our older dc had a phone for their 11th birthday, in Y6, in readiness for September.

They both got very decent phones which I expect to last them several years and cost a few hundred quid - so for a big ticket item like that they were definitely having it for a birthday and not 'just because'!

ImNotWhoYouThinkIam · 09/03/2022 18:31

Both my DC got a non smart phone for their 11th birthday.
For DC1 that was 2 weeks before starting secondary school.
For DC2 it was 6 weeks after starting year 6.

TheOrigRights · 09/03/2022 18:31

In my circles of friends it seems to be the norm for kids to get their first phone for their birthday in yr6.
Most are starting to spend time away from their parents when a phone might be useful (park, walk to school, shops, at a friend's) so it's a good time to see how mature they are.
And by the time they actually properly need one for secondary you can be more confident they won't lose or break it.

Clockbookbeast · 09/03/2022 18:33

@TeenPlusCat

Something to be said for getting one at some point in y6. The novelty can wear off before September.

I'd say this is true, I got all my dc a phone for their 11th birthday and it meant they got over the novelty, I was able to monitor usage easier as they were with me more and teach them about phone etiquette easier. It also meant that most of their friends parents were doing the same and any issues were easily resolved.

LoganberryJam · 09/03/2022 18:33

In my DC's primary the kids tended to get one for their 11th birthday, so that they had it ready for secondary, rather than as an expensive extra purchase in the summer holidays.

mizu · 09/03/2022 18:33

My DDs are year 11 and year 12 now but I remember them getting a phone towards the end of year 6. The last few weeks.

Blackbootswithredribbons · 09/03/2022 18:34

I think it's a good idea to get them one half way through year six so the novelty wears off and they're used to using one by secondary, though some might need them earlier if they walk to school/take a bus or something like that to give the parents peace of mind.

Spellfish · 09/03/2022 18:34

I gave my DC a phone when they started walking home from school by themselves - for both of them it was Y5. A locked down phone with no web browser, very tight parental controls, no apps that aren’t approved and no social media is a sensible way to keep track of children who are moving around their local area independently for the first time.

TheOrigRights · 09/03/2022 18:34

@2reefsin30knots

Don't they need a phone when they need one? My DS walked to and from school on his own in Y6 and spent an hour on his own at home in the morning after I left for work. He also sometimes boarded (through choice) and if they don't have their own phone they have to call home from the house phone with people listening.

He doesn't do anything different now he's in Y7 so why would he need one now, but not have needed one in Y6?

Often primary school is a short walk from home whereas secondary often involves either a longer or busier walk or public transport.

Bitofachinwag · 09/03/2022 18:35

Nobody needs a phone. But having one might be useful. Can't see how they need a smartphone though.

Babadook76 · 09/03/2022 18:39

Mine had one from year 5 during lockdown so she could contact her friends. She walks to and from school on her own, plays out with her mates and goes on sleepovers. There’s a tracker on it so I can see where she is and I check it regularly. I think it’s more unusual to not have one at that age