AIBU to think that children don't need a phone until they're at secondary?

[irritablehead1]

DD is in Year 6. Everyone, it seems, is getting a phone. I hate the idea of her having a phone all the time but I also feel like we are getting increasingly isolated in our thinking about waiting till summer/secondary.

AIBU to think it's just so young?

In my DC's primary the kids tended to get one for their 11th birthday, so that they had it ready for secondary, rather than as an expensive extra purchase in the summer holidays.

Nothing wrong with this IMO. As someone who works in a school and spends an inordinate amount of time dealing with issues caused by technology, it's not necessarily now young they get a phone that's the issue, it's unresticted and unmonitored access to the internet and SM. A lot of Year 7's just can't handle the emotional aspects of it and it causes no end of problems. If you want your Year 6 child to have a phone, fair enough, but if you're not prepared to check that phone regularly (even if it means they throw a strop) you are making a rod for your own back.

I agree, and really dreading DD getting to this age. Phones/tablets are so addictive and I really don't want DD wasting her childhood glued to a screen.

My son is year 6, he got one for his 11th birthday

On the basis when hes in comp he'll be going on the bus so I want him to have a phone

He doesnt take it to school yet, tbh he mainly uses it to play pokemon go and Globle - and mainly messages family - his older sister who lives with her boyfriend, his grandmother and the odd one to me asking if he can have an icecream

If you ever use the kind of social media apps that teenage kids also use, you’d know that it is shockingly easy for them to be exposed to the kind of extreme hardcore porn that was unthinkable even a few years ago, and other completely inappropriate things.

Parents are very naive about this and your DC don’t even have to seek it out.

Both my DS got a phone when they went into Year 7. Would not have considered it any earlier.

We didn't give our eldest one until high school. GP gave our 2nd one for Christmas, he's year 6 and not allowed to take it to school because I drop off and collect. He uses it to watch YouTube mostly.

So tell your kids they can’t have SM mine isn’t allowed any snap chat tik tok etc

YANBU to think your child doesn't need one. I got one for DD in her final year at primary school because she would cycle by herself straight from school to orchestra and sports clubs.

DD (8, yr 3) is sitting next to me speaking to her dad on FaceTime on her phone so I can look at mumsnet on my phone. It doesn't leave the house as she never goes out without me but was perfect for talking with friends and family while isolating with covid.

A non-smart phone as a first step is a good way to test out how well they look after it.

DD is now in y6 and I got her a phone during the lockdown so she could communicate with her friends and contact me if I nipped to the shop. It's since allowed her to become more independent, she now goes to the park and walks home from school on certain days by herself or with DS. We can track her on it too which helps my own anxieties about balancing allowing her to grow and trying to keep her safe. She's going to a secondary school which is a bus ride away, she needs to be more independent now before she has to make that journey each and every day and having the phone has allowed that.

Birthday in Year 6. For all the reasons said above - starting to have independence, going out with friends for ice cream, sleepovers - she can text me and I can text her. Also for us, she is not going to the local state secondary unlike the rest of her class; this way they can exchange numbers and hopefully stay in touch!

I'm a teacher and after being head of year 7 and spending every Monday dealing with ridiculous friendship issues caused by unrestricted access to phones over the weekend, I was SURE my son (currently 4) wasn't going to have his own phone/ social media until he was in secondary school at least.

However, we recently had a school visit from a company specialising in internet safety and something they said really resonated with me: 'parents who are a firm "no" to phones have metaphorically scooped up their child and are carrying them towards a cliff edge. This cliff edge is the age of 13 when children can legally use most social media accounts. At 13, these parents usually capitulate but then leave their children to navigate the intricacies of social media alone, 'dropping them off the cliff'. Better to walk towards the cliff holding your child's hand and navigate an acceptable use of a phone and social media together so that when they reach the cliff edge, they've been provided with the parachute they need to enjoy a less restricted access.'

Made lots of sense to me!

Phones aren't the devil.

DD is in year 5 and walks home from school. When she does, I want her to be able to contact someone in an emergency. Sometimes she goes to the shop for me and calls to check she hasn't forgotten anything.

She had a phone before this. Appropriate supervision means that she has not been inappropriately contacted and is not destined for hell.

Mine had one in year 6. A few of children made big mistakes using their phones. It was a MUCH better lesson learned in primary where it was contained rather than secondary where things spread online like wildfire.

@grosgirl

I'm a teacher and after being head of year 7 and spending every Monday dealing with ridiculous friendship issues caused by unrestricted access to phones over the weekend, I was SURE my son (currently 4) wasn't going to have his own phone/ social media until he was in secondary school at least.

However, we recently had a school visit from a company specialising in internet safety and something they said really resonated with me: 'parents who are a firm "no" to phones have metaphorically scooped up their child and are carrying them towards a cliff edge. This cliff edge is the age of 13 when children can legally use most social media accounts. At 13, these parents usually capitulate but then leave their children to navigate the intricacies of social media alone, 'dropping them off the cliff'. Better to walk towards the cliff holding your child's hand and navigate an acceptable use of a phone and social media together so that when they reach the cliff edge, they've been provided with the parachute they need to enjoy a less restricted access.'

Made lots of sense to me!

That might work for some. We never bought ours smartphones and now in their middle/ late 20 s they just aren't interested in SM so have never joined any .

Normally I would agree with you and my older kids all had their phones on their 11th birthday. But DC6 had hers for her 10th birthday as it was during lockdown and it meant she could keep in touch with her friends.

@Divebar2021

If you have given a child a smart phone and don’t have full parental controls on you are absolutely playing with fire - speaking as someone who worked in child protection and saw the messages that children received on SM. My sisters school has also been embroiled in bullying situation where a year six child was being horrendously bullied / threatened on a year 6 WhatsApp group. As if teachers haven’t got enough to deal with.

I was going to say this, Im amazed at the number of younger children who have smart phones

In fact they're still too young at 13ish in my view

Too young for a phone at 13?

Also, phones can obviously be useful when you are out and about, but it's unhealthy to rely on them.

Children (and adults) should be able to cope being out of the house without them.

@tigerbird

If you ever use the kind of social media apps that teenage kids also use, you’d know that it is shockingly easy for them to be exposed to the kind of extreme hardcore porn that was unthinkable even a few years ago, and other completely inappropriate things.

Parents are very naive about this and your DC don’t even have to seek it out.

I agree and also some naivety that parental controls limit things, a lot of children have the skills to navigate round that or a 'friend' who will say 'let me show you this' and do it for them and then the child is left with access to things they shouldnt

That might work for some. We never bought ours smartphones and now in their middle/ late 20 s they just aren't interested in SM so have never joined any

Technology moves on. All secondary school students now make plans and communicate via social media. Not to mention that school itself may set up channels to discuss work related items. A child without a phone is likely to find themselves quite socially isolated IMO.

No one needs a phone.

But if not having a phone is making then socially isolated then I think that's a pretty good reason to consider getting one.

YANBU to make rules for your child. If you think it's too young, it's too young.

@RedskyThisNight

That might work for some. We never bought ours smartphones and now in their middle/ late 20 s they just aren't interested in SM so have never joined any

Technology moves on. All secondary school students now make plans and communicate via social media. Not to mention that school itself may set up channels to discuss work related items. A child without a phone is likely to find themselves quite socially isolated IMO.

Yes of course, life is different now to 10-15 years ago. My point was really that some things are very desirable when you are a certain age, but if you never start using them you might be less likely to want them later.