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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've scraped a pass?

106 replies

M24L · 09/03/2022 17:59

Recently passed my driving test first time with 4 minors, DH has drove for the past 25 years so it was about time i got it done.

But the question is aibu to think it was just a Lucky day?

I was absolutely crying when I had passed as all my hard work paid off but recently while being in the car with DH hes picking up on things I'm doing wrong "constructive criticism" and I take on board what he says and Try to resolve it but part of me feels like should I have passed?

DH passed before we had kids so he was a young driver and had noone criticising his driving whereas now we have 2 young kids who will be in the car with me at all times so I am very cautious.

I'm not sure if it's normal to feel like this or if it was just a lucky day for me to pass.

Mistakes are putting the car into the wrong gear (couldn't seem to find 4th gear from 5th) not being in the right gear going around a corner, stalling a few times and being hesitant at junctions.

YABU - all new drivers feel quite nervous and make mistakes it will all come to you.

YANBU - you shouldn't be making mistakes gear are something you should know inside out.

OP posts:
inheritancetrack · 09/03/2022 19:16

In my test I pulled out into the wrong lane and missed the turning at the roundabout and still passed. I said this to the examiner and he said he would have failed the first mistake but let it go as it was the start of the test, and said I missed the turnoff, but I did it safely!!!

Then he said, its not the advanced motoring test you know!

So its not luck, you passed, congratulations.

Original poster
M24L · 09/03/2022 19:18

@inheritancetrack the funny thing is I don't stall when he's not in the car but when he is I do. There definitely is an added pressure having him as a passenger haha

OP posts:
oviraptor21 · 09/03/2022 19:21

Some cars just have a sticky gear that can be awkward. For my car it's 2nd gear. It takes a while to judge it just right.
I'd nicely ask DH to stop commenting. If he can't, then he does the drive to work and home after work and you take over once he's dropped off etc.

Nomoreusernames1244 · 09/03/2022 19:21

My driving examiner absolutely put me through the wringer, pointed out every single thing. I was mentally planning how soon I could retest…

Then he breezily said but don’t worry all that will come with experience, you’ve passed!

The more you drive the better at it and more confident you will get.

Tell your dh he’s making you nervous and to shut up.

KeepYaHeadUp · 09/03/2022 19:22

I passed much later than my DH so did a lot of my post-test learning with him the car. If he ever tried to pull me up in those early weeks I'd have reminded him that we were dating when he'd passed his test so I saw all the balls ups and mistakes he made when he first passed

Oblomov22 · 09/03/2022 19:24

To be fair you shouldn't be making these kind of basic mistakes and don't sound like a confident driver. I suggest you book some post-test sessions with your driving instructor to gain confidence.

dworky · 09/03/2022 19:25

Refuse to drive with him, he's being an utter prick.
New drivers need encouragement not criticism. Either drive alone for a while or get a passenger who will reassure you. I've done this for a few new drivers.

gamerchick · 09/03/2022 19:27

@WutheringHeights66

I’d be telling him to STFU or walk.
Exactly what I said to my husband. The last time he said something I told him all I'm hearing is he wants to do all the driving when we're together.

Tel him to shut up or you'll not have him as a passenger and mean it.

PukkaP · 09/03/2022 19:28

Unless he’s a qualified driving instructor, tell him to butt out. Things have changed since he passed his test on the FOURTH attempt

Arewethebadguys · 09/03/2022 19:30

Wow. Does he undermine your confidence in other areas?

EricScrantona · 09/03/2022 19:31

Of course you should have passed, that's why you did! 4 minors is good! They don't pass people for fun, driving examiners are thorough and know what to look out for!

That being said, he clearly has more experience than you. If he is genuinely helping, great. Sounds like he is just being a cunt tho.

I've been driving for years and DH doesn't really drive. He can but I always do. When he does drive I am awful, not because I don't trust him (kind of) but I am terrified of being a passenger. Maybe he is a nightmare like me, rather than a cunt.

Octomingo · 09/03/2022 19:35

Dh has been driving longer than me. He also has a penis, which makes him a much better driver. I am a much better driver when there is no penis in the car.

I hate his driving ; he hates mine. We both need to stfu if the other is driving.

WaterTheBasil · 09/03/2022 19:40

Four minors is a good pass, not a 'scraped pass'.

I'd tell my dh to stop criticising your driving. He sounds like a dick.

When my dd passed I encouraged her to go on her own and drive around as I think she needed to get more confident on her own. Obviously she's not going to immediately be as good a driver as me.

cadburyegg · 09/03/2022 19:44

I sometimes put the car in the wrong gear even now, and I did stall it the other week. I passed my test in 2005. You might make frequent mistakes in the months after passing, it doesn't mean you're a bad driver or shouldn't have passed. As you gain experience and get more and more used to it, you'll make less mistakes. And even the most experienced drivers have accidents.

YABU and congratulations on passing

gamerchick · 09/03/2022 19:44

The 'learning to drive' comes after the pass anyway. You learn the mechanical side and now you need the experience. Drive lots without him in the car.

Original poster
M24L · 09/03/2022 19:44

I really can't be doing too bad of a job if it only takes me 5 mins more than it does him to get to his work. I feel that everyone drives differently he may have learned different to the way I learned and he certainly drives differently to what I do god a few times I've sat in the passenger seat beside him and I'm trying to press the brake because he's toom a corner very tight etc but I don't mention it.

We have to have a chat and I'll need to explain to him that his criticism etc is making me nervous, some things I appreciate but the tutting when I stall etc not so much. I'm probably putting so much pressure on making sure I'm not making mistakes with him in the car that is causing me to make mistakes. As I said when it's just me on my own or with the kids I make no mistakes and I feel confident in my ability.

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 09/03/2022 19:44

And yes 4 minors is an excellent pass! I got 10 minors

TeenPlusCat · 09/03/2022 19:46

When dropping him at work just let him drive, and swap seats when you get to his work.

TravellingFrom · 09/03/2022 19:47

Stop driving with him in the car until he stops ‘making helpful criticisms’.
They are jitnhe,ping. On the contrary, they are making stressed and then you make mistakes.

Carrying on driving on your own. That’s how you will get your confidence.

FinallyHere · 09/03/2022 19:49

Just just need practise to become more confident. Next time he starts to criticise your driving, find somewhere you can pull up safely, stop the car (hand break on) and explain his choices: stfu or stop expressing his criticism. Simples.

moonbedazzled · 09/03/2022 19:50

@M24L

He seems to praise me up when speaking to other people he says she's doing really well considering changing from a small lesson car to a bigger car etc but when he's in the car it's like you couldve took that roundabout in a lower gear your not watching your speed and being in the correct gear for the speed your going at. I'm trying to take it on board and fix what he says but then there seems to be something else.
When you're driving, you're in charge not him. You can't be listening to him and concentrating. You know the basics and a qualified examiner has said you're a competent driver. It's time to take responsibility and drive your car in the way you've been taught. Don't drive faster than you feel comfortable. And be assured that many of us have been driving for decades and we still make mistakes - and that includes your husband.
TravellingFrom · 09/03/2022 19:50

Btw if you have to drive with him in the car, ask for the address and get a satnav. Plenty of apps that are very good for that.

Then you drive YOUR away, the direction you decide to take and you dont have to rely on him giving you directions at the last minute.

Atm he is basically still wanting to be in full control of the driving even though he isn’t driving!

coeliacsucks · 09/03/2022 19:50

I passed my test 17 yrs after my dh and I know now I made loads and loads of mistakes and he never uttered a word of criticism.

In fact I scraped all the paint of a rear wing 2 weeks after I passed, (his brand new car) I was distraught and shaking etc his response.... "it's paint don't worry"

You need a new dh

SweetPeaGirl · 09/03/2022 19:51

I have a friend whose partner is like that and it's fucking awful. My friend passed 5 years ago and is a perfectly good driver most of the time, but goes to pieces when his partner is in the car because he's so horrible to him. It even kept him off the motorway for three years because his partner told him he couldn't do it.

Don't let him do this to you. Yes, you still have things to learn, but I passed with 9 minors and got roasted by the examiner after. THAT was scraping it, not 4!!

I only passed last year and I've just given myself some grace to keep learning. I've made mistakes, I've done things a bit awkwardly, etc etc. Everytime I get out of the car I think about what I could have done better, and the list keeps getting shorter (sometimes nothing!). I'm getting better all the time. But having some twat in the car narrating my faults would make me so angry, and feel shit, and not actually help anything at all.

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/03/2022 19:51

I would suggest that if it takes him five minutes less than you its because he is speeding and if he takes corners too fast or too tight then he isnt as good a driver as he thinks he is.

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