To think I've scraped a pass?

[M24L]

Recently passed my driving test first time with 4 minors, DH has drove for the past 25 years so it was about time i got it done.

But the question is aibu to think it was just a Lucky day?

I was absolutely crying when I had passed as all my hard work paid off but recently while being in the car with DH hes picking up on things I'm doing wrong "constructive criticism" and I take on board what he says and Try to resolve it but part of me feels like should I have passed?

DH passed before we had kids so he was a young driver and had noone criticising his driving whereas now we have 2 young kids who will be in the car with me at all times so I am very cautious.

I'm not sure if it's normal to feel like this or if it was just a lucky day for me to pass.

Mistakes are putting the car into the wrong gear (couldn't seem to find 4th gear from 5th) not being in the right gear going around a corner, stalling a few times and being hesitant at junctions.

YABU - all new drivers feel quite nervous and make mistakes it will all come to you.

YANBU - you shouldn't be making mistakes gear are something you should know inside out.

I think I put loads of pressure on my self as well as I've said to DH I feel like everything needs to be 100% as i will always have the kids in the car and I want to ensure they are safe.

He is normally supportive and I think he thinks he is being supportive but I've tried to explain that I'm driving a completely different and bigger car to what I was used to in my lessons, he also has 25 years experience to my 1 week and he didn't have any added pressure of carrying kids when he had just passed so it would be good if he could lay off a bit.

Don't even discuss your driving with him. Let alone let him think you make mistakes. Everyone goes through that weird period after passing your test when you can't quite believe in your own abilities but you get over that by quietly driving everywhere on your own. You then get the experience that makes you an all round more confident and competent driver. You certainly don't need constant criticism at this stage though.

My ex-h was a complete and utter pain in the arse when I passed my test first time as it took him 4 tries too. In the end I offered him the chance to walk the 15 miles to work or shut the fuck up.

When you are changing gear, how are you holding the gearstick? If your hand is on top, gripping the knob, 😀😀😀 then it's harder to find the right gear. To find fourth put your hand so the gearstick is in the palm of your hand but the back of your hand faces the passenger door, if that makes sense. It's impossible to change the second or first gear that way. To change to first or second switch your hand around so that the back of your hand faces the driver's door. That way it will be impossible to go into third or fourth gear.

Why on earth would you think you were lucky to pass? You were assessed by an independent examiner. There is no such thing as scraping a pass. You either passed or you didn't.

Stop putting yourself down to your husband. Stop saying you didn't make any mistakes as if the default is that you would make a mistake.

Cut him off mid-sentence when he starts to criticise you.

Start believing in yourself.

I will always have the kids in the car and I want to ensure they are safe

The only thing you can do to ensure they are safe is drive as normal and adhere to the rules of the road. You need to be safe for yourself and other drivers; there shouldn't be any additional pressure because your children are in the car.

I remember when I was taking my test and my ex was picking the kids up, he passed on his 4th go (what is it with these men taking 4 goes? Personally I think it is over confidence, in ex's case every single examiner was biased and blind and he pedalled out that old "Oh they have quotas of how many people that they have to fail" :o) so warned me not to expect to pass.

Next weekend he had this smirk on his face as he asked me how I'd done and it fell to his feet when I said I had passed first time and did he want to see my new car?

He couldnt even muster a cursory "Well done" just muttered something about me dropping the kids off in future in my "fancy new car" in a sneery tone. Dickhead.

I passed my test in my 30s, and I can honestly say I learnt more about driving in the 6 months AFTER passing my test than I did whilst having lessons.

And I still stall now on a bad day.

Your DH needs to shut up and let you develop your confidence. I have 2 teenage DC who have passed their tests in the last 2 years and sometimes they make mistakes, but I don't make a thing of it as I don't want to erode their confidence. Your DH should have more respect for you.

Is there anything you do regularly and well that he doesn't? Do you hover over him and pick him up on every hesitation or minor mistake? If not, why is he doing that to you? It would make anyone nervous.
Suggest he retrainsas a driving examiner or shuts up while you're driving. If he has suggestions he can save them up for a chat once you get home.

Omg! Reminds me of when my DH of nearly 30 years and I would share the driving taking the kids to uni.
The constant tutting and tooth sucking was like having feckin 'Skippy' in the car! (one for the oldies)

@HollowTalk thank you I'm going to give that a try and see how I get on, I can go up the gears no problem and have no problem going down them other than going from 5th to 4th I've managed to do it a few times but I'm such a worrier so I'm constantly panicking incase I don't get it so I'm tending to move it from 5th to what I think is 4th then keeping my foot down on the clutch until I've slowed enough to get in to 3rd gear which isn't good as I'm technically coasting 😳

If you really watch your husbands driving you will see him making loads of minor mistakes, safely. (I’m not suggesting you do this, and certainly don’t tell him what you find - it’s a marriage breaker!)
My daughter did a running commentary on my driving when she was learning and it was scary how many minor faults I had- and I had been driving about the same amount of time as your husband, was confident, competent and frequently praised by passengers for my safe driving style (also have had advanced training and assessments to drive children in a local authority minibus). To pass your test your driving will have to have been technically better than a more experienced driver.
You just need practice to get confidence and experience. Preferably without someone bringing you down every time you miss a gear or stall or glance in the mirror instead of pointedly moving your head or put a hand a centimetre over the wrong side of the wheel!

My DH is a lovely, kind man. However, I hate driving with him in the car. He can't help offering constructive criticism. I also really struggle with him giving ,me directions while I am driving. He thinks he is giving clear instructions, but to me he is waving his arms around vaguely and expecting me to know what he means.

I feel that because he has years experience he's just expecting to much from me in too little time. But that doubt was there that maybe they got it wrong. All your comments have helped me realise that it's normal to make mistakes etc. I'll be having a chat with him later and just explaning to him he's chipping away at my confidence I just wasn't sure how you were meant to feel after passing.

When I passed my test, I remember my father saying "well done, now the real learning begins", meaning that there's no way to teach experience. Even with experience, people occasionally stall or select the wrong gear (I'd say the difference is not panicking and the ease with which you get yourself out of the situation!).

I don't think you really learn to drive until you pass your test. I also think that some people may fail for going into wrong gears, stalling, etc, but it depends on how you deal with the mistake and how confident the examiner feels with you.

As for your husband, some people are just better teachers than others. From what you've said, he's not intending to undermine you and is trying to help so I'd just ignore it - or criticise him back! It sounds like you're a bit of a nervous driver, but driving alone is the best way to improve your confidence. NEVER discuss your mistakes. It's just not something drivers do. Lol. And you've passed your test just like your husband, so you're equal and don't need to justify any of your driving to him.

Congratulations and happy driving. 🚗

@Kendrickspenguin yes this is another one, he tends to tell me as I'm approaching that I'm turning left etc instead of saying to me in advance take the next left so I then get flustered because I've got to start slowing down and making sure .in the right gear whereas if I was told in advance I could start the preparation a little earlier

Let him drive to and from work and then just swap into the driver seat when you get there.

Then criticise his driving all the way there.

Then get a bit more experience without him in the car but don't let him knock your confidence or put you down.

Omg pleeeeease don’t worry took about 6 months till I felt comfortable driving!! It’s true when they say “you really learn to drive once you’ve passed your test!”
I think re your partner just say it’s not helping so he needs to just keep quiet and let you get in with it while your skill and confidence goes up. Honestly I turned around in a small car park today and still found it stressful - when I passed 5 years ago I would have burst into tears and told my husband to come get me

recently while being in the car with DH hes picking up on things I'm doing wrong "constructive criticism"

Your dh should shut up and walk leave you to develop your confidence as an independent driver.

Sounds like your DH is not helping at all.

I’d refuse to drive him unless he shuts up, and just drive when he’s not there.

Is also like to add I passed with about 1 minor so did really well. It really just takes time to build confidence and skill - I basically made myself do a couple of easy journeys and made sure I did one of them every other day to get me used to it.

@Poppins2016. Haha. My dad said the exact same thing. I didn't understand. I do now!

@M24L, I’ve been driving for 32 years, I drive a lot for work - often 100 miles/day 2 or 3 days a week, but I will not drive if dh is in the car. He becomes a complete dick, commenting on everything and criticising everything I do. I’d passed my test before he even started to learn!

I’ve been driving for 20 years. I stalled the car today. It happens!!!

He seems to praise me up when speaking to other people he says she's doing really well considering changing from a small lesson car to a bigger car etc but when he's in the car it's like you couldve took that roundabout in a lower gear your not watching your speed and being in the correct gear for the speed your going at. I'm trying to take it on board and fix what he says but then there seems to be something else.