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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you think this should have been allowed (young lad going to Ukraine)?

138 replies

Chocolattay · 09/03/2022 16:54

A 19 year old lad near me has gone to fight in Ukraine. He has no prior military experience, has never left the country before and the mother is understandably beside herself.

www.itv.com/news/granada/2022-03-08/call-of-duty-obsessed-teenager-fighting-russia-with-no-experience

She feels this shouldn’t have been allowed. Obviously as a worried mother she would say that but it’s got me wondering. I am surprised he was allowed to go, tbf.

I suppose my AIBU is whether you feel somebody should step in when there’s people with no military experience trying to go, or whether they are adults who should be left to it? After all it’s their prerogative isn’t it?

OP posts:
TinLeaf · 09/03/2022 16:58

He’s a grown man not a child. Who do you propose should have stopped him?

DetailMouse · 09/03/2022 17:00

I don't know who would have allowed or not allowed it?

Advice was not to go.

Original poster
Chocolattay · 09/03/2022 17:01

@TinLeaf I’m of the same opinion tbf. That he is an adult. But I can see the mother’s point.

If I was mother to a young lad with no connections to Ukraine who decided to go and fight over there I can only imagine thinking he must be very depressed and suicidal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolattay · 09/03/2022 17:02

@DetailMouse

True, I’m not sure how he could have been stopped. I feel maybe the legion recruiting has at least some responsibility to make sure the ‘military experience’ of the people they recruit is actual military experience and not just a year in army cadets (which is what this lad claimed as his experience).

OP posts:
WhackingPhoenix · 09/03/2022 17:04

[quote Chocolattay]@TinLeaf I’m of the same opinion tbf. That he is an adult. But I can see the mother’s point.

If I was mother to a young lad with no connections to Ukraine who decided to go and fight over there I can only imagine thinking he must be very depressed and suicidal.[/quote]
What? I would think he was either a bit cocky or a that he felt like he had to try and help; I wouldn’t think he was depressed or suicidal, what makes you think that?

ThisIsGroundControl · 09/03/2022 17:04

Ultimately there are thousands of Ukrainian teenagers that are not allowed to leave their country. We consider 18 to be an adult. The value of an 18 year old UK lad is the same as a 18 year old Ukrainian lad.
Do I feel for him mother, of course.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 09/03/2022 17:05

I read some UK soldiers went AWOL to fight and the fear is that, if captured, it could indicate that the UK has joined the fighting.

So no-not a good idea and can't believe anyone will actually get there/join up etc

ThisIsGroundControl · 09/03/2022 17:06

What? I would think he was either a bit cocky or a that he felt like he had to try and help

So would I. Plus he does have a connection, it is happening I'm Europe

PeterPomegranate · 09/03/2022 17:06

I don’t think the Ukrainians will want someone with no military experience. Hopefully he’ll be back home soon enough. Probably feeling silly and a bit wiser.

FloraPostePosts · 09/03/2022 17:06

Lots of young men from this country went to fight in the Spanish Civil War, in which we had no national stake, in the mid-20th century. Young people are often motivated by ideology, and think they are invincible.

At 19, there is nobody who could have stopped him. The government, after an horrendous faux pas by Liz Truss which appeared to support this kind of action, has advised against it, but as long as transport is available, there’s nothing to stop him going.

He will be in for a shock at the reality, but he’ll have to find out for himself.

Original poster
Chocolattay · 09/03/2022 17:07

@PeterPomegranate
Yes I thought that as well, he’s probably going to be a hinderance rather than any real help.

The mother feels Liz Truss’s comments were irresponsible.

OP posts:
Marmelace · 09/03/2022 17:09

Just take a look at previous World wars and how young men rushed at first to join up and hailed as heroes.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 09/03/2022 17:10

There are thousands of people from all over the place going to help them.

I have a son around that age, and while I wouldn't be delighted if he went, I would be very proud of him.

Millions of us are finding different ways to help, usually financially, but we are motivated by witnessing the atrocities going on there and doing what we can, this lad is doing the same.

Footnote · 09/03/2022 17:12

How would you stop an adult with a passport getting on a flight to Poland though? Clearly it’s not a good idea from any perspective, but what could be done.

PurpleDaisies · 09/03/2022 17:12

Liz Truss’ comments were irresponsible.

He won’t be an asset there and he’s misguided if he thinks he’s doing something helpful.

Crimesean · 09/03/2022 17:14

Young people's brains, men's in particular, aren't fully mature until they reach the age of 25 (women's are fully mature at 21).

I'd be beside myself if I was his mother. However, I don't see how he could be stopped - he's legally an adult, and mentally competent. We shouldn't leap to restrict young people's rights due to poor youthful decision-making.

Blossomtoes · 09/03/2022 17:17

[quote Chocolattay]@TinLeaf I’m of the same opinion tbf. That he is an adult. But I can see the mother’s point.

If I was mother to a young lad with no connections to Ukraine who decided to go and fight over there I can only imagine thinking he must be very depressed and suicidal.[/quote]
Why would you think that? Lots of young British men went to fight in the Spanish Civil War because they were idealistic and had a social conscience.

DuesToTheDirt · 09/03/2022 17:19

He's not a "young lad" though. And who could stop him?

gunnersgold · 09/03/2022 17:22

Says he is obsessed with shooting computer games . Prob thinks he can do that in real life which is a worry .

EmpressCixi · 09/03/2022 17:23

The whole point of being an adult in a free society is you get to make stupid choices and live with them. What does the mother want? To extend childhood to 21 so she has parental authority longer?

Helenahandkart · 09/03/2022 17:25

When I was 16 or so I remember all my friends and slightly older brother’s friends being eager to sign up for whichever war was happening at the time (gulf?).
Young men feel invincible, it’s nothing to with depression. He wants to help.

Lacedwithgrace · 09/03/2022 17:25

What a brave man. Even someone inexperienced can be useful.

ZealAndArdour · 09/03/2022 17:29

Wow, just read the article with his Mums comments in it. What a silly naive boy, he’s played a lot of Call of Duty and worked in Subway as a Sandwich Artist and now thinks he’s going to get hero status. It’s kinda like radicalisation.

XenoBitch · 09/03/2022 17:30

I think he is an idiot, and this choice could cost him his life.