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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you think this should have been allowed (young lad going to Ukraine)?

138 replies

Chocolattay · 09/03/2022 16:54

A 19 year old lad near me has gone to fight in Ukraine. He has no prior military experience, has never left the country before and the mother is understandably beside herself.

www.itv.com/news/granada/2022-03-08/call-of-duty-obsessed-teenager-fighting-russia-with-no-experience

She feels this shouldn’t have been allowed. Obviously as a worried mother she would say that but it’s got me wondering. I am surprised he was allowed to go, tbf.

I suppose my AIBU is whether you feel somebody should step in when there’s people with no military experience trying to go, or whether they are adults who should be left to it? After all it’s their prerogative isn’t it?

OP posts:
Gemmathecat · 09/03/2022 18:33

Whether you all like it or not, this strong boy has displayed great bravery and loyalty to his country and allies. I know damn well who I’ll be sticking with when the war hits us.

TyrannosaurusRegina · 09/03/2022 18:34

Personal choice and responsibility. I can completely understand the mother being distraught though.

Gemmathecat · 09/03/2022 18:35

@TyrannosaurusRegina

Personal choice and responsibility. I can completely understand the mother being distraught though.
Absolutely. This lad has taken responsibility to fight for what’s right and as you said, any mother would worry and have the right to do so. I imagine that woman sleeps well knowing she raised her son well.
WouldIwasShookspeared · 09/03/2022 18:38

Hopefully he'll be sent home before he discovers the hard way that war is not like cosplaying call of duty.

Peachynessa · 09/03/2022 18:38

It’s understandable that his mother is worried for his safety but at least she knows that she has done a wonderful job raising such a fine young man

DetailMouse · 09/03/2022 18:41

Almost all the Ukrainians he'd be fighting alongside will have good English. If the language barrier is your objection, it's a poor one.

The Ukrainian president asked for foreign fighters, he obviously doesn't think they'll be a liability

Gemmathecat · 09/03/2022 18:42

@DetailMouse well said

impossible · 09/03/2022 18:42

Terrible for the mother but I'm not sure he could be stopped - at least at this end. Perhaps he will be turned away or given something useful to do at the border.

I suppose it has always been the way (around 4,000 men went from Britain to fight in the Spanish Civil war) and it's understandable - watching something terrible happening from afar and not being able to do anything about it feels awful. It sounds as though he is a kind person so hopefully he will be in some way useful and come back home more purposeful.

Beachsidesunset · 09/03/2022 18:43

If he has no actual military fighting experience it's likely he'll be rejected and sent home anyway.

VladmirsPoutine · 09/03/2022 18:45

I wonder if he'd flown out to the middle east he'd still be praised for his bravery.

DetailMouse · 09/03/2022 18:46

@Beachsidesunset

If he has no actual military fighting experience it's likely he'll be rejected and sent home anyway.
Why? How much military experience will most Ukrainians fighting this war have?
BordelDeMerde · 09/03/2022 18:47

[quote Gemmathecat]@LizDoingTheCanCan i know a few young lads in the village and all will be going ASAP be careful with your words[/quote]
What village are you talking about here? And are those young lads likely to be reading Mumsnet?

[AUTO]9szl6l0jthb5o · 09/03/2022 18:48

Couldn’t have said if better myself

TiddyTidTwo · 09/03/2022 18:50

I respect his bravery but he should concentrate on the humanitarian effort. He's not trained, he will be a hindrance. Army training is not a walk in the park. Your personality is deconstructed then reconstructed into a different mindset. Even then, the effects of war are devastating on those are are trained. Worst, he will die.

Gemmathecat · 09/03/2022 18:55

@BordelDeMerde my village and you have no idea

Zilla1 · 09/03/2022 18:56

Am mildly sceptical that many 19 year olds pay so much attention to Liz Truss that she made much difference. If there are many late teens wearing headscarves and sat in tank turrets and obsessively using Flikr with ambitions to succeed Boris then happy to be wrong.

BordelDeMerde · 09/03/2022 18:59

[quote Gemmathecat]@BordelDeMerde my village and you have no idea[/quote]
Grin What are you being so bizarrely threatening about? You're right, though, that I have no idea whether the young lads in your village are reading Mumsnet or not. Seems unlikely, but, as you've pointed out, what do I know? 😂😂😂

Thewindwhispers · 09/03/2022 19:01

He’s an adult, he made a decision. Ukrainian soldiers don’t have time to do background checks on people, they’re a bit busy right now.

I feel for his poor mother, but I suspect the lad is probably having a brilliant time - until it all goes wrong of course. Given the choice between a boring job in a shop that doesn’t really matter, or overnight becoming a soldier fighting on the ‘good guys’ side against an evil empire, a lotta boys and men would jump at the chance. Look at ISIS. Look at how they queued round the block to go on Shackleton’s adventure. Young men crave brotherhood, excitement and adventure and there isn’t much of that around.

Gemmathecat · 09/03/2022 19:03

@BordelDeMerde not being threatening at all.

SommerTen · 09/03/2022 19:34

My Grandad joined the British Army before Ww2 firstly because he was homeless but also because he enjoyed a drink & a fight.
It was all good until he returned home from the war in Burma with Malaria, Dysentery, back problems & nightmares for years about his dead mates (would now be called cptsd I guess?).
Even the memories at the end of his life with dementia were specific war memories of killing Japanese soldiers that tormented him daily.

All those who think it's great this young man has gone to fight... it's understandable to feel that way but speak to the veterans of war even the hardened professional soldiers who've fought in recent wars like some of the men & women I know & you won't think it's so clever.

DetailMouse · 09/03/2022 19:38

No one thinks it's a fun outing for him Sommer, I expect he will come back with all sorts of issues, if he comes back, but where would the world be now if people like your Grandad didn't do it?

SommerTen · 09/03/2022 19:42

I suppose so...

redbigbananafeet · 09/03/2022 19:43

@mumsiedarlingrevolta

I read some UK soldiers went AWOL to fight and the fear is that, if captured, it could indicate that the UK has joined the fighting.

So no-not a good idea and can't believe anyone will actually get there/join up etc

My partner who is in the military was told they were all warned that if they went over they'd be tried with terrorism when/if they came back.
SommerTen · 09/03/2022 19:43

I've just met so many people drinking their lives away because of ptsd from military service

redbigbananafeet · 09/03/2022 19:45

@PeterPomegranate

I don’t think the Ukrainians will want someone with no military experience. Hopefully he’ll be back home soon enough. Probably feeling silly and a bit wiser.
Which is exactly what happened to Leon Dawson. Glory hunting gym owner who went to Ukraine after boasting on social media he was going over to raise arms and help. He was sent home again. Why someone with no military or firearms experience thought he'd do anything but get in the way just baffles me.