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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To sell up and move to the seaside

142 replies

Lifeissuch · 09/03/2022 09:47

We’ve fully renovated our home and did all the work ourselves so managed to make profit and finally afford to move to the seaside. We have 3 very young children - 6, 2, 6mo (eldest has spent 2 years establishing friends and community in their school).

Me and DH just haven’t clicked with the area we live in now though (been here 2yrs) and want to move to the seaside (over 2hr away) and possibly go self employed with a catering business (we have no prior experience in this but very enthusiastic and hard working).

Dilemma is; I’m worried sick that because we’d be moving to a marginally smaller house (another fixer upper so full renovation needed again), smaller garden, long commute for DH until we go self employed or he finds something closer in his field (1.5hrs - 3hr round trip), no family or friends nearby and new school for eldest, I worry if we’re making the right decision. I feel somewhat selfish because we’re forcing us but mainly our children to ‘start all over again’ (new career, new home to fully renovate, new school, new friends to make etc..). But we would have a whole transformation of lifestyle, we don’t rely on family and friends for childcare or anything else and hardly see them now anyway, we would be living where we’ve been going on holidays for years gone so it’s a bit of a dream move.

Has anyone else been in a similar position and regretted/happy that they did it?

OP posts:
Graphista · 09/03/2022 20:53

and possibly go self employed with a catering business (we have no prior experience in this but very enthusiastic and hard working)

Seriously!?!

It all sounds very vague, ill informed, and without any research to back any of this up!

Holidaying somewhere IS NOT the same as living there.

I've lived and worked in several seaside locations in the uk in my life. Have you even visited them during the winter? Late Autumn even?

It's fantasy!

I live in a seaside location now, the pandemic has decimated many local businesses especially catering based ones. This is an area of expenditure many consider a luxury item and with cost of living sky rocketing it's one of those people IMMEDIATELY cut out - even more well off people!

Have you even checked what businesses and potential custom there is in the area ? Costs of setting up such a business?

And moving away from your (albeit limited) support system is also foolish

In addition most seaside locales are rural with little public transport when your kids are teens this will be a major issue, there's very little for teens to do in such places...and idle hands are the devils plaything!

Have you even checked out the schools? Childcare?

Catering in particular is HIGHLY regulated now and that makes them expensive to set up.

Very experienced well established catering companies are mostly going bust!

and youngest 2 are in school/nursery.

As pps have said the majority or catering engagements happen OUTSIDE school hours mainly eve and weekends - how are you going to manage that with no support network?!

I beg to differ on the madness of starting the business without experience, most self employed businesses start somewhere, we’re not looking to be millionaires from it, just pay the bills which it would.

And exactly what knowledge, experience and research are you basing this on?

but we would bank on that and the places we’d be working in (mobile catering) would work on campsites that are open 10.5 months of the year.

1 the place you're moving to there are probably ALREADY companies serving this market - ones with more experience and knowledge and local connections than you have

2 Holidays are ALSO one of the first things people cut out in an economic crisis!

I happen to know of an entire campsite that is having to close in one of the areas I used to live in because it simply isn't getting enough business to keep going - and I don't mean making a profit I mean to keep the lights on!

Re moving to the seaside without a support network there or knowing much about the place - you need tp do a lot more research first. Visit the place in the winter, see what it's like when most businesses are closed for the season, see what the weather and infrastructure are like during the winter, check out the schools in person, childcare, job prospects, check costs (council tax often pretty high in these areas), coastal/rural areas are generally colder so heating costs are higher etc

Most of these kind of places aren't well funded, aren't supported well by either central or local govt.

The rest of us went to university, joined the military or found year round work away from the coast.

Yep this is my experience too

What’s the local health care like? Hospitals in rural areas tend not to be so good.

Yes!

Where I am now there's no A&e, no ICU, no maternity ward and the sexual health clinic is barely hanging on with reduced hours/staff. Locals are clinging onto what's left of the hospital here. Next nearest is almost 30 miles away. And the area covered includes places where that means they're almost 50 miles away from a fully functioning hospital with an a&e! A number of us in this area with hcp experience are sure this will have led to loss of life and negative life changing outcomes

Agree also HUGE drug/addiction issues in most seaside areas. I've lived in 4 in total all over the uk. England and Scotland.

it’s a quaint seaside town (hardly an open drug den)

All of the ones I lived at were also of the "quaint" variety, unless you know what to look for you'd have no idea! My siblings and I had a few rather hilarious conversations with my parents once we were adults regarding the prevalence of drugs in those areas. They were under the mistaken impression that we had not been exposed to such things! They had no clue whatsoever were massively out of touch with such things.

hardly an open drug den

None of them are

We ARE giving you real lived experiences, that it's not what you wanted/hoped to hear doesn't make it any less true!

You are coming across as a weird mix of incredibly naive and stubborn.

I’m from a northern council estate and well aware of drug users, Alcoholics, benefit swindlers and the like

Wow!

Stereotyping people and places much?!

I’m well aware of the likes of Blackpool and Rhyl and this is not the case for where we’re looking at moving to

How would you know? You have only been there on holiday with non teen dc!

I think you're listening to all the plus points people are telling you and ignoring the (many) negatives.

Ooohh yes!

You're being SO dismissive and even condescending towards those of us who have lived or do live in such places!

You asked what they were like - we are TELLING YOU

snugglepumpkin

Omg yes the seagulls! I never eat outside now in seaside areas

so many forget that people actually live here and swan about as if we should be grateful they are gracing us with their presence.

Omg yes!

Queue jumping, wandering into roads as if they're pedestrianised, the rubbish...

FinnularFloss no we've actually lived in these areas and a lot of the jobs are either only available seasonally or only full time during the season. I've worked in retail and hospitality as well as admin roles in these areas. The admin roles are much the same as anywhere but not only hospitality but also retail (fewer customers in the off season, B&b's and guest houses not having guests to fee and clean up after etc) were very much seasonally highs and lows

I work for a Bank in a professional role. We have solicitors, doctors, nurses, teachers, retail, hospitality the same as everywhere else.

Of course but especially in rural seaside locations there will be fewer jobs generally as there are fewer people to serve.

Where I am the closure of the hospitals wards I mentioned meant quite a lot of local hcps and support staff were out of work, the hospital that patients were "transferred" to took on a few extra staff but nowhere near the number that were left unemployed by these changes. Some moved away simply in order to maintain their careers having the student loans to pay for!

A standard teaching job in our area is going to attract several hundred applications. Ditto nursing.

This is what happens here!

Lifeissuch · 09/03/2022 21:43

@Graphista.. you have too much time on your hands Grin

OP posts:
Graphista · 10/03/2022 02:53

No need for that comment op regardless of your attempt to disguise an insult with a smiley

Yes I have a lot of time on my hands because I am disabled and unemployed.

Doesn't make your desperate attempts to justify this move, uproot your family, with no knowledge, experience or even the willingness to consider the negatives many of us have warned you to look out for any more likely to change the facts.

This is a bad idea particularly under the current economic climate - and I don't just mean the business as you've been at pains to try and negate - the whole thing.

Malibuismysecrethome · 10/03/2022 04:27

I think you are being naive if you believe a mobile food business will pay for your family and cover your bills. You mention campsites, will you even be allowed on them to set up. Most owners will not just allow you to pull up and start serving food.

Cocogreen · 10/03/2022 06:40

OP if you're "worried sick" about whether or not it's the right decision maybe trust your feelings?
If I were you I'd do a proper business plan with all the costs worked out ( including buying a new property) and train in the area before I leapt into a sea change.
Good luck.

londonrach · 10/03/2022 06:57

I have a family friend who has lived in the beautiful seaside town for forty years. Her children left as soon as they could due to just seasonal work . Every summer she stuck in the town as it's by the seaside there's limited roads out and they are packed. You can't drive into the sea. I grow up 30 mins from the sea and that was great as you can visit but not stuck there. Re catering it's vvv hard work and poorly paid. Get some experience in it first. A two hour commute sounds awful. Your children are great age to move though

Valeriekat · 10/03/2022 07:10

Do it now otherwise you will never do it.

CoddledAsAMommet · 10/03/2022 07:33

I really don't understand people's descriptions of seaside towns as rammed in the summer and desolate the winter.
We moved to a reasonably sized seaside town when our children were simar ages and have never regretted it. People who live at the seaside are normal people with normal lives, we don't go into hibernation in October!
It's an easy place to bring up children; we have the beach, parks, beautiful countryside. They love it here. And yes, they're teenagers now. Good schools, colleges, shopping, cinemas , theatres etc. It's lovely. Of course, if you move to a fishing village in Cornwall you may have issues or influxes of tourists but that doesn't sound like what you're doing.
The only bit that concerns me is buying a doer upper. We did that and regretted how much money and time it took when the children were small. Wish we'd bought something smaller but already done!

And as for the catering business bit... I bet you wish you'd not mentioned that. Its a maybe, down the road, might do it kind of thing. Until then your husband is in secure employment and we do have jobs at the seaside!

Livebythecoast · 10/03/2022 07:42

@CoddledAsAMommet

I really don't understand people's descriptions of seaside towns as rammed in the summer and desolate the winter. We moved to a reasonably sized seaside town when our children were simar ages and have never regretted it. People who live at the seaside are normal people with normal lives, we don't go into hibernation in October! It's an easy place to bring up children; we have the beach, parks, beautiful countryside. They love it here. And yes, they're teenagers now. Good schools, colleges, shopping, cinemas , theatres etc. It's lovely. Of course, if you move to a fishing village in Cornwall you may have issues or influxes of tourists but that doesn't sound like what you're doing. The only bit that concerns me is buying a doer upper. We did that and regretted how much money and time it took when the children were small. Wish we'd bought something smaller but already done!

And as for the catering business bit... I bet you wish you'd not mentioned that. Its a maybe, down the road, might do it kind of thing. Until then your husband is in secure employment and we do have jobs at the seaside!

Finally, a sensible, well balanced post. Some people's views on coastal living are ridiculous. All this 'seasonal' business - like the locals go into hibernation in Autumn/Winter and robots take over running our schools, colleges, hospitals, cinema, theatre, restaurants, banks, solicitors, hotels and shops!
SpiderinaWingMirror · 10/03/2022 07:59

We moved to East Sussex and after bags of research, esp around Sevondary school moved just a little inland.
We are very happy with our move but decent jobs do not exist.

Whatterywhat · 10/03/2022 08:12

I agree with PP, our town is not dead in the colder months. Its quiter but there is still lots to do.
We have castles, war tunnels, museums, large free children's adventure parks, cinemas, skate parks, water sports all year round, seal safaris, wildlife parks, stables and great walks plus loads of art classes, yoga etc
People have normal jobs too, not just seasonal work
You have to plan to eat out though as restaurants and bars are usually fully booked.
The downside is parking and traffic
My kids still live locally as they enjoy the life style too
The advantages for me outweigh the negatives
Good luck

stuntbubbles · 10/03/2022 08:18

My mother grew up in a seaside town and absolutely loved it, even as a teenager, even out of season – she says it was better out of season as it was just locals, so you had windswept beaches all to yourself. But is suspect it depends on personality: she was a lone wolf and so was I as a teen, so a bleak rainy beach with shuttered up shops in February suited me fine. Depends on your DC’s temperaments whether they’ll grow up to love it or not. Fine when they’re little, though. Does it have good train connections to anywhere bigger?

We’re about to move to God’s waiting room – Bexhill – and really excited about it, but we’re assuming once the DC are teens they’ll be straight on the train to Brighton.

FWIW a friend recently opened a tea hut type business in Deal – coffee, cake, sandwiches, ice cream etc – and is going great guns. Think she has backup jobs in the winter. Be prepared for a bit of a portfolio income: most friends I know who do catering also do a bit of this and a bit of that.

LadyLothbrook · 10/03/2022 08:48

My parents moved us from the city to the coast over 16 years ago. It was lovely at first, an extended holiday. Then winter came in, town on its knees, locals miserable. Been like that every year since some of us moved away back to the city once we hit teens/adulthood, the siblings who stayed are super resentful and in and out of work. I visited yesterday actually and loved strolling on the beach with the dog but I sure do like to hit the road out of there. When I retire? Yes. Now, bringing up our kids and building a livelihood? No. Good luck whatever you decide OP.

DoobryWhatsit · 10/03/2022 09:27

This doesn't seem like a great plan to me, sorry. An indefinite 1.5hr commute is awful, not to mention soaring petrol prices.

Plus, British seaside towns are absolutely miserable for about 8 months of the year, and then heaving with tourists for the other 4 months (this bit might be SW specific though)

Ariela · 10/03/2022 14:02

@Cocogreen

OP if you're "worried sick" about whether or not it's the right decision maybe trust your feelings? If I were you I'd do a proper business plan with all the costs worked out ( including buying a new property) and train in the area before I leapt into a sea change. Good luck.
Weigh it up, take into account the worst inflation since the 1970s, high interest rates expensive mortgages and unaffordable electricity/gas costs
Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 11/03/2022 21:25

If the kids are your main concern, then don't be concerned. The kids will be fine. The vast majority of kids (indeed people) are portable and mobile. It's one of the things that has helped us survive as a species!

They'll make new friends and have new experiences. And live near the sea, which frankly is a fantastic thing.

That said so look into sea level rises, as the dieback of the Amazon is at tipping point. My home (though I rent it out at the moment) is near the sea and according to forecasts will be under water in the not too distant future.

mnetting · 11/03/2022 21:39

I live in near the sea (West Country) it's too busy with tourists to get anywhere near the sea in the summer and in the winter you wouldn't even know you lived by the sea.

Llareggub · 11/03/2022 21:54

I live in a city by the sea, mountains to left, sea to the right. Best of all worlds! Haven’t worked in catering since I was teenager.

In summer most of us work shorter hours, and head to the beach in the evening. It’s definitely milder here, but it rains a lot.

I wouldn’t move to a small coastal village as rural life isn’t for me. We used to have a caravan in west Wales and getting stuff in winter could be a really PITA.

Changeychangey · 11/03/2022 22:16

From the children's point of view I think it's a good time to move. We moved (ironically from the seaside to a city!) when our dc were 6y6m, 4y6m and 2y9m, from a very stable set up to dh and I choosing to go to theology college and him working as a locum gp to pay our costs. We were very "lucky" in that a family friend, who had never married, died just before we moved and left us a significant sum in his will, for which I will be forever grateful. It paid our nanny for 2 years and made our studying much more affordable.

But moving to the seaside to start a new catering business? I'm really sorry, but are you mad? We lived in a beautiful remote part of Scotland where local catering type businesses went under on an annual basis. The place was heaving with visitors in the summer but even the great, tasteful, amazing quality places died and that was over 10 years ago. We were just up visiting (we are lucky to be able to afford to keep our house) and found out the best fast food place we've ever come across there, just up the road, can't afford to open this season because of increasing fuel prices. They're hoping things will be better in 23/24 but in the meantime they're baking for local cafes to keep a roof over their heads.

The Seaside is a very romantic option, but honestly is it realistic? The commuting option sounds awful too. When I was a young teacher in my first job I did a 3 hour round trip and after 5 months I cracked and quit. It wasn't possible as an almost married 23 year old. I'd hate to do it with kids.

I feel like I'm raining on your parade and I'm sorry. But every part of your post screams "NO" to me.

Crikeyalmighty · 11/03/2022 22:57

I would be looking at the places that are coastal but also have an element of proper town to them depending what region you are looking at— — Poole, Torquay, Bournemouth, Hastings, Bexhill, Southport, Teignmouth, Chichester , Whitstable etc — I think that way you kind of hedge your bets on the local work front if needed , they are ‘open’ all year round and I think are more liveable not just in summer— just my two pennorth but I think it’s worth thinking about.

RealBecca · 11/03/2022 23:07

A lot of seaside towns have a lot of seasonal low paid work and tend to have a lot of drugs going around for teenagers. Theres also not really a lot for teenagers to do and they tend to hang out in parks and drink/smoke/smoke weed. Some play parks are therefore quite hit and miss and you cam expect broken glass and stubs.

They also tend to have nightclubs and a lot of nightlife so drinking and fighting and in small towns everyone knows everyone's business. Travelling at the weekend is a nightmare due to congestion and if you live in a seaside town, especially one in walking distance of a beach, you wont be able to move your car at the weekend to go food shopping and dont have a driveway you will struggle to park near your house when you get home.

I'd suggest a town or city near the seaside with good transport links.

Zerrin13 · 11/03/2022 23:15

OP Its just another place

RealBecca · 11/03/2022 23:16

They also have higher rate of teen pregnancy and loads of retired people which means councils focus their money on care and attracting tourists (and policing to break up the weekend drinking fights) so little left for local youth.

RealBecca · 11/03/2022 23:18

PM me if you want the name of the town.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 11/03/2022 23:20

@RealBecca

A lot of seaside towns have a lot of seasonal low paid work and tend to have a lot of drugs going around for teenagers. Theres also not really a lot for teenagers to do and they tend to hang out in parks and drink/smoke/smoke weed. Some play parks are therefore quite hit and miss and you cam expect broken glass and stubs.

They also tend to have nightclubs and a lot of nightlife so drinking and fighting and in small towns everyone knows everyone's business. Travelling at the weekend is a nightmare due to congestion and if you live in a seaside town, especially one in walking distance of a beach, you wont be able to move your car at the weekend to go food shopping and dont have a driveway you will struggle to park near your house when you get home.

I'd suggest a town or city near the seaside with good transport links.

That's a pretty accurate description of my experience of living on a seaside town.