Sex, marriage, open relationship

[Anonjd3]

Long story ... I've been with my husband for 7 years, we met when I was 18 (worth noting I have experienced other sexual partners). We have a child together and just purchased our first house. I love him so much and I would never consider leaving him, he absolutely perfect in everyway except, sex.

I have a super high sex drive, his is non existent. We have sex maybe 2 or 3 times per month. He rejects me all the time and it hurts, a lot.

Even after 7 years when I see him I just want to jump on him! Its not an attraction issue, I'm not stuck up at all. But I'm know I'm desirable let's say!

Anyway, he brought up the idea of a threesome about a year ago, everytime we spoke about it he got super excited and we had great sex! Then after sex he wouldn't speak of it for few weeks 😬 I signed up to a website to find a partner to join us (with his permission) anyway I spoke to plenty of men and I'm down to one. Because my husbands not in the mood anymore when I ask to arrange a date he just shruggs his shoulders and says not yet. To be honest I give up on the idea it's obviously just the thought that gets him aroused not the actual threesome. But this guy has got me going crazy, I'm not interested in a relationship of course but I really want to sleep with him. I'm very sexually frustrated to the point of crying and not sleeping.

I couldn't cheat as tempting as it is. I can't bare the thought of lying to my husband and the thought of us breaking up kills me. So I'm thinking on asking him for an open relationship. If he doesn't agree what on earth do I do? I cant live my life with minimal sex, I've discussed it sooo many times with him and it's like talking to a wall. I don't know how to broach the subject and I'm scared hell accuse me of cheating when I haven't. Its a point where I'm considering meeting him without his permission I know I wouldn't be able to plan to meet this guy and sneak around, but if he knocked on my door Today I know there's 0 chance I'd resist.

Has anyone ever successfully requested an open relationship? Or any experience similar to mine where you truly deeply love your husband but the sexless aspect is literally killing 😭

How are things

once every week or two isn't by any means a freakishly low frequency for a 35 year old man with a young child, seven years into a relationship. it's often enough to suggest he's capable of both doing and enjoying it. once a week could be a decent baseline to aim for?

So nearly a year on, how have things worked out?

Yikes! So how has life been Since?

Maybe it's a female he wanted when he suggested a threesome.

Well I forgot I posted this!

A year on and holy shit my life is foooookeedd 😅

After so much talk from threesomes, open relationship, asking him about his sexulaity, promise after promise he will make an effort etc. Well I needed up cheating. Suprise! I slept with two men on a few occasions both in the situ as myself funny enough. I felt zero guilt. No shame. I didn't care at this point.

However ...met a guy 4months ago, we're mad for eachother! I never been so comfortable with someone in whole life, and the sex well I cannot even describe it. But it's not just the sex that's amazing it's everything about him.

Now I know we're in the honeymoon period etc however we value the same things, we're both very intimate I really believe I could be with this guys 20+ years and still have that fire in me everytime I see him. When I see him it's always like the first time and I see him 2-3times a week!

I know the grass isnt always greener. I have only known him 4months. Which is why I haven't left my husband yet. But I also know my marriage is over. I can't be with someone who shows zero intimacy towards me, it soul destroying. Truth is my partner MUST know! I never went out partying till early hours before this year. I even stayed at this guys house overnight and came home 5pm next day (said I was going out and staying at my friend's house) bearing in mind me and partner haven't had a night without eachother since I gave birth, He asked zero questions when I got home just "good night?"

I don't even hide it. My phone's going off, I don't answer his calls when I'm out etc. I'm just waiting for him to ask me or tell me that he knows I'm having an affair.

My main concern is this guy I'm seeing hasn't seen the mum side of me. He never met my son obviously, when I'm with him I'm the stress/care free me. He knows this too we spoken about our options lots over the past few weeks. But I what I have realised is no matter what happens I'd be happier single than in my current marriage. Maybe I'll regret it. But I'll regret never knowing. Right now I'm just going with flow, what happens will happen, maybe I'm selfish I honestly don't care anymore as I'm happy for the first time in years, I gave my partner so many opportunities to make things right, I tried other options. Nothing changed so I just did what felt right at the moment.

There aren't many people who meet someone at 18 and stay together for life. In between the ages of 18 and 30 you change so much, it's very unlikely your partner is changing in the same way. It sounds like you've already made your decision to leave. As long as you're aware this new man may not work out and you could be single then I think it's time to tell your husband. It's not fair on him to drag it out any longer. Good luck.

however we value the same things

Lying and deception?

Yeah I agree. Lots has changed over the past 8years i didn't know who I was 18. I will definitely come clean soon. Need to find the right way of doing it, worried about the house and supporting myself. Its scary but you're right it's not fair on him.

I would have said the same sarcastic comment to someone before I found myself in this situation 🤷🏼‍♀️

Good luck with it all.

You are incredibly young and have most of your life ahead of you.

I doubt this new man is the man for you either but he may be the man for right now.

Honestly, I would invest in yourself, therapy and getting to know yourself better - it will help you make better partner choices in future. I'd be interested in why you fling yourself into these 'true love forever' type relationships and at such a young age. Why is that? What were your own parents relationships like?

Well your marriage is dead in the water and you are lying to your husband.

Do the decent thing and leave him to find someone else.

I suggest you have time on your own before you embroil yourself and your dc with another man.

You are an adult with responsibilities so you should act like one.

I remember when you first posted this and quite honestly I could have predicted that this would happen. I do think separating from your husband is the right thing to do, you're clearly not suited to each other.

You need to be honest with your husband so he can be free to find someone else who truly loves him. Cheating isn't the answer. I'm not judging you, I know you were very unhappy, but having been in the position of being betrayed in a relationship I know how it feels. Maybe you're right and he does already know. I also agree with another previous poster that I think you'd benefit from some time on your own to get to know yourself better.

You seem very proud of yourself which is a pretty despicable attitude, you sound pretty immature. Of course no one should be miserable in a relationship and fair play to you for talking to your husband and trying to reach a compromise with him. However at the point at which you realised nothing was changing and you felt nothing after cheating the first time, is when you should have left. The way you're treating your husband now is appalling, own up and move on. Stop revelling in being out all night and never answering his calls, it's a really vile way to treat someone who has done nothing except be incompatible with you sexually.

Well your marriage is dead in the water and you are lying to your husband.

Which you emphatically stated would NOT happen 😂

I think it's normal for a man's libido to start to decline at the age of 35, and I myself have had less sex since I was about 35. But maybe you should try to fill the gap with other sexual partners, maybe you can satisfy his desire to "sex with two women at the same time" first, and then let him satisfy your "sex with other men". Suggest this to him, and I wish you all the satisfaction.

Lol, after all the "I could never leave him" speil you cheated on him and haven't told him yet.

This thread could have been written by an MRA troll.

Does he 'take care of himself' at all? If he does that regularly, this is more complicated than low sex drive, and that is possible.

Has he had his hormone levels checked and are they normal?

Does he have a healthy diet & exercise regularly?

Does he suffer from any sexual dysfunction - ED, performance anxiety, body image issues?

If you haven't ruled all of those things out AND gone either together or just him for sexual counselling, then you haven't done the problem justice before involving 3rd parties or splitting, and the former may well cause the latter.

Grim. Is the new bloke as self obsessed as you are? You'll be perfect if so! But you need to do your DH a HUGE favour and tell him what a complete bitch you are.

My husband is in amazing shape, eats well trains at the gym. He has said before he just never been mad about sex!

Update for you all, I kept things as they are since I last wrote in here. But my partner knew something was up we spoke about things. Me telling him how I feel like I've missed out on a bit of life etc. And long story short he's said he gets it and I got to do what makes me happy! We decided to open the relationship, he knows I've slept with someone too and funny enough since he knows I'm sleeping with others he's loving it 🤷🏼‍♀️ turns him on I guess! He isn't speaking with anyone or met with anyone yet but I've told him he has the option to if he wanted.

I obviously still have feelings for this other guy so I'm torn. I know Im stringing everyone along and it's messing with my head not to mention how bad I feel when I think of them both and how I'm fucking them both about. Its honestly all for my son. I can't imagine me and his dad living apart, sharing child care, my husband said the same thing no matter what happens we stay together for our son.

Its strange because it what I wanted in the first place. But now I got attached to someone, something I didn't think would happen but it has. It fucking sucks and I still don't know what to do. Its been a bloody year since it all started. I know I've fucked up big time and it's all going to come crashing down at some point. But I can't see a way out that ends in a good way.

It sounds like your husband just wasn't actively pushing you to be a swinger, but when you did it on your own, he was happy about it. I don't think there's a problem now, and obviously both you and your husband are enjoying it. Try more swinger partners and you won't miss the specific one as much.

Actually he's always said he'd be up for parties, swinging with another couple. For me it's not something I think I'd enjoy so I've always said I'd much rather do what we like separately, don't see don't know kind of thing. Think it's more of cuckold type of fetish he has perhaps I'm not sure. I'm sure we'll find out a lot over the next few months!

How awfully selfish of you.

Its honestly all for my son

Yes, keep telling yourself that.

What do you mean?

If we didn't have a child I would have left. I'm staying and trying to figure out a way it works for both of us for the sake of our family. Why else would I have gotten myself into the mess?