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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else hate the idea of staying over with friends/acquaintances

97 replies

Letmetakeaselfie · 07/03/2022 18:42

I'm a huge introvert which adds to it, even family I can stay a couple of days but I really need my space.

I've some friends in other cities and abroad, I've been offered to stay at some point which is lovely of them, I'd love to go and see them but honestly I'd rather stay in a hotel if I can afford it.

I couldn't think of anything worse than having to see people constantly for several days in a row, having to potentially share a room with them and zero downtime.

I also dislike having people over to stay, having people for a coffee is ok but nothing more.

Is this rude of me? I much prefer just meeting people outside and then going home/being by myself to recharge.

OP posts:
BlackberrySky · 07/03/2022 18:43

I don't really like overnight guests. That's why we don't have a spare room!

angusthongs · 07/03/2022 18:44

I'm the same, I'm okay for maybe about 3 days until I start to get really irritable so any trips I take are usually no more than 3 nights. If even that is too much then just say thanks for offering but think I'm going to stay in a hotel.

FangsForTheMemory · 07/03/2022 18:45

I'm a complete introvert and very fussy about whom I invite to stay, however the favoured few are people I completely relax with so this doesn't bother me. People who put me on edge don't get asked a second time.

Original poster
Letmetakeaselfie · 07/03/2022 18:45

That's a good tactic, luckily we don't have a spare room either!
I went away with a friend once and she hung her dirty knickers up in our hotel room! Didn't even put it in a washing bag or anything.
One night staying with someone is my absolute limit and I'll even try to avoid that if I can

OP posts:
Hadjab · 07/03/2022 18:46

Nope, I love having friends over and staying with friends - I wouldn’t consider myself to be particularly extrovert.

DramaAlpaca · 07/03/2022 18:46

I'm also an introvert and I'm exactly the same, OP. I can just about manage to stay at my parents' house for a few days but I couldn't stay at a friend's place. I rarely have overnight guests in our house either, even the thought of it really stresses me out.

Original poster
Letmetakeaselfie · 07/03/2022 18:47

Glad to know that I'm not the only one!

I also go to bed quite early and if I've people who want to stay up until 2/3am then that's an issue.

OP posts:
drawingpad · 07/03/2022 18:49

I'm autistic and it's an absolute no for me. I need my downtime and own space. Years ago I used to meet up with a group of old school friends but made a year, they all room shared but I just couldn't. I'm happy enough to spend the day/evening with you, but after that? I want my own room. We have never had anyone stay over in our house, to be fair I'm not the only autistic person here so it's a situation that suits us all.

Lottapianos · 07/03/2022 18:50

I hear you OP. I need my own space and I need to not be with other people all day long. I really hate having to make conversation at breakfast - would much rather eat in peace. That feeling of having to be 'on' all day is very draining. Would much rather stay in a hotel and spend parts of the day together

Billandben444 · 07/03/2022 18:51

I would never go and stay with someone. Now I'm 70, I'm stuck in my ways, like my own space and need to have control of my social interactions.

FrothyB · 07/03/2022 18:51

I'm the same. I think it stems from childhood when I was expected to sit still, don't say anything or do anything else that may embarrass my Dad when visiting people's houses. As a result I can't relax in other people's houses, so I dislike being in them.

I also can't relax when I have guests in my own home. I see that as my space and I don't like having people in it. We had my partners parents stay for a month after the birth of our daughter. I didn't feel like I could come home from work and put what I wanted on the TV, or have the laptop on for half an hour. I feel like when someone is round I need to be 100% available to their needs at any given moment.

CurbsideProphet · 07/03/2022 18:51

Same here. I'm not someone who is happy being around lots of people 24/7 and having them in my personal space. We only have 1 bathroom so would never have people over to stay unless in an emergency.

We're going to a family wedding in the summer and will need to stay overnight and share bathroom and kitchen space with people we don't even know. It's too much for me, I'm dreading it.

PlanetNormal · 07/03/2022 18:53

YANBU at all. I’m exactly the same. I need my space and I need my downtime. I would happily pay for a room in a budget hotel to get those things because I know I would enjoy the trip far more and be far better company if I had my private space to retreat to.

Gilly12345 · 07/03/2022 19:15

I like meeting people but definitely don’t want houseguests or having to stay in anyone’s house either, I would prefer to stay in a hotel or just a day or meeting meet up.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 07/03/2022 19:20

I don't mind staying away too much but i do find it difficult adapting to their habits. I like to sit quietly in the evenings and go to bed quite early, so get resentful if I feel compelled to stay up late. My in-laws love board games and will play late into the evening. I can't bear that.

A horrid experience I had once was on SIL's hen weekend. She'd rented a house very last minute and the shower was behind a curtain at the end of a corridor. No door. Most of the rooms were doubles so I ended up sharing a bed with DH's cousin. She's lovely, but it was the most cringe worthy experience ever.

mumofEandE · 07/03/2022 19:22

I have only stayed with my in laws but not even them for a few years - I cannot go to the toilet (no 2) when I am thereBlush
Pathetic I know!

rookiemere · 07/03/2022 19:37

The only person I enjoy staying with - in fact this goes for DH and DS as well is my Aunt Pam in NZ.

She basically has an entire guest wing with separate bedrooms for DS and DH and I and quality bedding. Also incredibly easy going and happy to be involved or not in our plans.

Most standard UK houses are just not set up to have more than occasional visitors. I don't mind folks in the spare room but when there are more people than there are bed spaces (3) then I get a but stressed.

TwoCoffeesPlease · 07/03/2022 19:38

You are speaking my language. I also hate staying at other people’s houses and would much rather stay in a hotel! The worst bit for me is getting up in the morning, awkward if you are awake first but also feel under pressure not to lie in too late and finding a space to get ready agh!

AngelinaFibres · 07/03/2022 19:39

The older I get the more I want my own space. I love to see people for the day but then I want them to go home.I don't want to stay with people for the weekend anymore and going on holiday with anyone other than my husband fills me with dread. We go away with his siblings a couple of times a year. They are all on the autistic spectrum. The older I get the less I want to accommodate all the issues.

3001signon · 07/03/2022 19:42

When I was younger I never gave it a second thought.
Now, mid 40’s, I like my own space.
I just can’t cope with with constantly being ‘on’, I need so much down time now.

IamSamantha · 07/03/2022 19:47

Me. Hate it, I want to go to bed when I'm ready to. I don't want to socialise. I want to fart when I like, eat and drink when I like and get my bra off ASAP!

I also find people exhausting. My friends don't bother me, we just let all of us be, no expectations. Family, not a chance! Tried it and never again.

nokidshere · 07/03/2022 19:47

I don't mind people staying at mine but I don't do sharing with others well. I wouldn't stay in a friends home, nor would I share a room in a hotel.

MrsDamonSalvatore · 07/03/2022 19:49

I’m definitely not an introvert but I do like my privacy, so I’d also rather stay in a hotel than stay with people or have them visit me.

OverByYer · 07/03/2022 19:56

I hear you OP, I need time alone so find staying over, or having guests stressful. I can manage a night but after that I get really irritable.

Blossom64265 · 07/03/2022 19:57

I hate staying with people. I get a nearby hotel. I want my own space, my own bathroom. I want to set the temperature of the room I’m sleeping in. I don’t want to make sure it’s ok that I’m taking a shower. I want to be comfortable.