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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else hate the idea of staying over with friends/acquaintances

97 replies

Letmetakeaselfie · 07/03/2022 18:42

I'm a huge introvert which adds to it, even family I can stay a couple of days but I really need my space.

I've some friends in other cities and abroad, I've been offered to stay at some point which is lovely of them, I'd love to go and see them but honestly I'd rather stay in a hotel if I can afford it.

I couldn't think of anything worse than having to see people constantly for several days in a row, having to potentially share a room with them and zero downtime.

I also dislike having people over to stay, having people for a coffee is ok but nothing more.

Is this rude of me? I much prefer just meeting people outside and then going home/being by myself to recharge.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 07/03/2022 19:58

We’d much rather stay in an hotel and just join friends for dinner or whatever.

MarmiteCoriander · 07/03/2022 19:58

I'm early 40's and the older I am, the more I hate staying elsewhere or people staying at ours. I'm fairly outgoing, love hosting a meal/BBQ, but not keen on sleepovers.

At other peoples places, its the quality of the mattress and bed size which is important to me. It sounds picky to ask beforehand, but over the years I've ended up with the following:

  • uncomfortable, wire pull out bed where DH and I rolled into the centre all night and the wires could be felt on the 2cm 'mattress'
  • Blow up bed on the floor which had a leak and was flat within 2hrs!
  • Spare room was also the dogs bedroom, so all bedding with covered in hair, stank of dog and the dog stayed in the room with us snoring all night! Hmm
  • Double bed with a single bed topper in the middle, so an uncomfortable line down the centre of both our backs!
  • Friend let us sleep in their caravan in the garden. This was sprung on up late at night after a few drinks- that were weren't staying in the spare room. Caravan wasn't tethered so wobbled, we couldnt find any heating, no electrics on and it was sitting on a slope.

I prefer to host- slightly. I hate not being able to sit in my PJ's in the lounge with no bra. I hate having to tidy and clean, and also the additional bedding once they've gone.

Kazzyhoward · 07/03/2022 20:14

I've only stayed overnight with a friend once and we've only had MIL to stay over at our house only once for a single night. I really, really don't like doing it either way. I need my own time and space. When we go to visit friends/relatives, we do it as part of a short break/holiday and just call in for a couple of hours, usually the afternoon, it's enough!

Piggy42 · 07/03/2022 20:17

@mumofEandE

I have only stayed with my in laws but not even them for a few years - I cannot go to the toilet (no 2) when I am thereBlush Pathetic I know!
I’m the same when staying with other people mumofEandE, always a relief to get home!
Redglitter · 07/03/2022 20:20

Totally agree with you. My best friend lived a distance away for a few years. In one house they had no spare room so I stayed at a B&B. Their next move was to a house with a guest room. I found living in a house with 3 children quite stressful. I much preferred the B&B where I had my own space & a break

DogsAndGin · 07/03/2022 20:21

So reassuring that lots of people don’t like staying at others’ houses, too! I don’t like being on someone else’s schedule, especially if they’re a late riser - I hate that my free time is being spent at someone’s house where I can’t be getting on with things!

A580Hojas · 07/03/2022 20:21

Yes. Staying over with absolutely anyone feels like an awful ordeal to me now. I'd drive for hours to get home.

FuckThatBullshit · 07/03/2022 20:24

One night is my absolute limit

WhatASmashingBlouseYouHaveOn · 07/03/2022 20:25

@TwoCoffeesPlease

You are speaking my language. I also hate staying at other people’s houses and would much rather stay in a hotel! The worst bit for me is getting up in the morning, awkward if you are awake first but also feel under pressure not to lie in too late and finding a space to get ready agh!
I came on here to say the same thing! The following morning is the most awkward time . Do I get up before them? If so what do I do, pre smart phones I'm sitting around wondering how their TV works, should I make a coffee in their totally unfamiliar kitchen? Etc the ultimate in awkwardness is not being fully dressed (i.e. in pj's ) and bumping into friend's boyfriend/husband on the landing, cringey hellos all round! Hmm
TonkaTruckduck · 07/03/2022 20:26

I hate staying with people.
I hate having people stay with me.
I hate sharing accommodation.
I really enjoy people's company in limited doses, but fuck do I love to have an escape when I'm done.

Sunnysal · 07/03/2022 20:27

I'm an introvert, my DH is very extrovert. We live in the Costa brava so pre covid we had a lot of visitors! I really , really hated every moment of it. I really dislike having anyone in our house, but I accept its my DHs house too. When we go to the UK we stay with friends and again I hate every minute. Even my best friend and ex sil, who has excellent facilities , I can only manage a couple of days. I just prefer to stay in hotels or not go.

bluepeacock · 07/03/2022 20:31

Me! Since leaving home 20 years ago I've only ever once stayed at someone else house and that was my dsis's and I swore NEVER AGAIN (after getting only about 1 hours sleep for various reasons)

I live a good drive from where I grew up and when I go out with my old friends they always offer for me to stay at theirs - but I always say no thanks. I'd rather pay £££ in a taxi home.

I just need my own bed, I like my home comforts. The truth is I'm quite fussy I suppose and have high standards!

I love hotels - but only stay in really nice ones!

Cleopatra2022 · 07/03/2022 20:35

I despise staying at peoples houses. I much prefer staying in a hotel and being able to control how much time I spend with the person.
I also hate overnight guests in my own home. I only ever have my mother ( who is like me and desperate to get back to her own home asap) or my mil. Mil overstays her by a good 4 days 😬

vampirewellness · 07/03/2022 20:37

I hate being a guest and I hate having guests. I'd rather fork out on a hotel than sleep on someone's living room or air bed.

I can just about tolerate sharing an apartment on holiday if I have an en-suite.

WhatNoRaisins · 07/03/2022 20:38

I'm like this, I used to be ok with crashing on a friend's floor with a whole group of friends until all of a sudden I just wasn't

GracieLouFreeebush · 07/03/2022 20:39

Out of all of my friends there is only one I completely relax with and could spend a long time with.

itsnotdeep · 07/03/2022 20:41

I've always disliked staying away and it's even worse now that I suffer insomnia and never know when I'll be up in the night- that's not very nice in my own house, let alone someone else

I have a few good friends whose houses I stay at regularly, and it's got better - but I know them really well and they just look after me!

ButtockUp · 07/03/2022 20:44

I don't like staying at someone's house and I don't like guests at our's either.

PiperPosey · 07/03/2022 20:48

You are NOT alone.
My stepson and his wife stay in a hotel when they visit us. She loves her solitude as much as I do..

I have never been offended by this. NEVER... She says she just wants to read by the pool and relax. Sounds good to me!

Wrenna · 07/03/2022 20:48

Yanbu at all! I don’t mind talking with friends but not all bloody day. My lovely friend keeps her house very hot (to me) at night and I finally told her I love her to bits but I have to have it cold when I sleep. I hope she translates that to ‘I won’t be staying over any more, but thank you for the invite’.

PiperPosey · 07/03/2022 20:50

I only want people around...when I want them around...ha..
I not only love my alone time...I HAVE to HAVE it.

TheCatThatWalkedAlone · 07/03/2022 20:52

I’m a bit similar. I make it clear when I’m going to bed, leave sacks and drinks out, lock up and go to bed leaving guests free to entertain themselves. Luckily I have a small en-suite & can have a loo to myself too.

Seems to work fine. I’ve had no complaints us & no shortage of people wanting to stay.

RaraRachael · 07/03/2022 20:54

I don't want to stay with people, nor do I want them to stay with me. I'm not good socially and can think of nothing worse than having to entertain people 24/7. I'm also quite nervous of catering for people and would always be worried that whatever I'm providing isn't good enough.

GarlandsinGreece · 07/03/2022 20:54

With you all the way. I also far prefer meeting friends out for dinner than host at mine.

Glowtastic · 07/03/2022 20:55

I can't stand it, except for one friend who I can really relax and chill with, I just won't do it anymore. It affects my mental health too much as I simply can't cope if I don't get adequate alone/downtime. DH family don't get it, they want to stay and just sit chatting the whole time, also very demanding. I've had to put my foot down. Hate sharing hotel rooms too, and yoga retreats are out for me now as all the rooms are shared and the single supplement if you want your own room is an extra £200.