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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anyone else hate the idea of staying over with friends/acquaintances

97 replies

Letmetakeaselfie · 07/03/2022 18:42

I'm a huge introvert which adds to it, even family I can stay a couple of days but I really need my space.

I've some friends in other cities and abroad, I've been offered to stay at some point which is lovely of them, I'd love to go and see them but honestly I'd rather stay in a hotel if I can afford it.

I couldn't think of anything worse than having to see people constantly for several days in a row, having to potentially share a room with them and zero downtime.

I also dislike having people over to stay, having people for a coffee is ok but nothing more.

Is this rude of me? I much prefer just meeting people outside and then going home/being by myself to recharge.

OP posts:

Lottapianos · 07/03/2022 21:55

'rather than all live together for 2 weeks in a house that isn't mine.'

Good god - TWO WEEKS! My heart is racing just thinking about it

Crikeyalmighty · 07/03/2022 21:55

I’m fine at others for a couple of nights but only if they’ve got a proper spare room with a double bed. At 60 people’s air beds and rock hard and uncomfortable pull outs just give me chronic back ache

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/03/2022 22:06

No, I am middling between extrovert and introvert, but I love having close friends and family to stay or staying with them for a few days. I do need time to myself afterwards though. Staying with people you know less well can be much harder work, but it’s a way of having interesting experiences too.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable exactly, but if you always create a bubble around yourself I think personally it can make for a much less interesting life.

Sunnytwobridges · 07/03/2022 22:13

I'm a serious introvert, and I'm the same. I hate staying at other people's houses overnight, even close friends and family. I've been offered to stay over after a late night out but I prefer to drive home and be in my own bed and wake up at home. I've been like that since I was a kid tho. Always wanted my friends to stay over mine but didn't care to go to theirs, never slept well when I did.

My DSis and her family are coming to visit this weekend and I'm anxious about it cause I don't like having overnight guests either lol I always feel like I have to be "on" and keep them from being bored else I will feel guilty so I never relax. My DSis came to visit last year for 3 days and after day one I was ready for her to go home and I haven't seen her in years LOL

Entertaining/socializing is draining for me, I'm thinking of taking a day off after they leave and we don't really have plans to do much but I will need the time to mentally decompress from having people in my house.

needyousomuch · 07/03/2022 22:22

I loathe staying overnight at friends. Only because I can't fully relax in bed as it's not my bed/house. Once I hear my friend is wake/up then I feel obliged to get up too. None of my things around me (not that I need them, I just like my stuff around me). I just don't feel comfy unless I'm Home or alone in a hotel

Oneonetheracehorse · 07/03/2022 22:39

@Lottapianos thank you!! I've tried to explain it very politely and with excellent reasons but I know they don't understand at all why we can't 'all just be together.'
NB: my BIL also has 3 almost teenage sons and no one thinks it weird that 4 adults and 4 children (we have 1) would be sharing one small bathroom for 2 weeks...

Whetheryouthinkyoucan · 07/03/2022 23:57

Yep, just you and me then @PatsyJStone

Plenty of dogs here. Take one to bed with you, leave them in the kitchen, whatever suits you!

Joking aside, I see on these threads a lot of posters who don’t like it when people stay at theirs because they have to be “on”. I understand that if it’s a new friend or someone you don’t know well, but close family? There’s posters who find having their siblings stay means they need to be on parade. Genuine question- why? What is it you feel you need to be on for? I’m trying to understand it :)

CounsellorTroi · 08/03/2022 00:20

YANBU, if visiting friends I’d really rather put up in a local travelodge or similar. I can’t be in continuous socialising mode for days at a time, it exhausts me.

Weatherwax13 · 08/03/2022 00:33

I absolutely cannot abide overnight guests here and will never be one anywhere again either.
It's nothing personal to anyone. I just so need my own space. The main reason I don't drink is so I can always leave an event at my own choosing if it's going on too long for me.
Of course I visit family but it's always with a hotel room to retreat to!
I'm ok for AC to stay overnight here as they know about my disability and if I'm having a flare up, I don't need to soldier on. I can change into my nightie after dinner and lay down and they take it in their stride.
Would never feel able to that in front of anyone else. Shudder.
And even when AC and GC stay, much as I adore them, I breathe a sigh of relief when they toddle off home.
I think I may be Victor Meldrew's long lost daughter.

Lottapianos · 08/03/2022 06:38

'I know they don't understand at all why we can't 'all just be together.'

This is the kind of thing my dad says. He just loves having an audience for his tedious monologues and pontificating. I find it suffocating all being in each others faces for days on end.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/03/2022 06:44

YANBU.

I am a massive extrovert and love being around other people but I do not like sharing bathrooms. I will happily spend all day with people but I need to go back to my own bed.

Invitationtoclose88 · 08/03/2022 06:56

Me too op! I am done with hosting, it's bloody hard work! And few people seem to appreciate that either! Before Covid, we had family staying in a hotel down the road while we provided meals, and even that was hard work; extra shopping, meal planning, food prep, cooking, serving, all the clearing up after they had gone out, and then turning it all around again before they came back again. Yargh! At least when they are staying with you, they get to help! But then there's all the bloody bed-making and endless chit chat and showing them the sights you have seen fifty times before!

But overall YANBU op! I like my own space! This sounds ridiculously spoiled but I am lucky enough to have a large bedroom with high ceilings with an adjoining large bathroom, and I feel very claustrophobic nowadays if I have to stay in a relative's bedroom that is small. I also hate the idea that I can't get up in the middle of the night and make myself a cup of tea or wander around as I do at home!! And that I have to fit in with everyone else's schedule! I would far rather be more independent and have more freedom.

Darhon · 08/03/2022 06:56

I like it, though possibly a limit of about 5-7 days. However, this is definitely, definitely one of those things that once you’re an adult, you definitely don’t have to do if it’s not your thing.

savehannah · 08/03/2022 06:56

I love staying with friends and having friends to stay though the latter is tricky as we don't have a spare room so have to shove the kids in together.

Avocadobacardi · 08/03/2022 07:22

Those who don’t like people staying at heir house … what do you do about DCs and hosting sleepovers. Or teens/20s with partners staying?

I don’t mind the kids having the occasional sleepover bit it’s only my DD who ever wants anyone to stay and they sleep in her bed together and I don’t get involved. My boys don’t like having people to stay or to stay out. I don’t have partners sleep over. They have a home up there road, they can use it!

I’m not an introvert at all and have an open house both for my friends and kids friends, I have people here all the time but I have never had any of my friends to stay over or stayed at anyones house. Hotel all the way

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/03/2022 09:23

Avocadobacardi

Those who don’t like people staying at heir house … what do you do about DCs and hosting sleepovers. Or teens/20s with partners staying?“

Teens/adults don’t need “hosting”, they know where the fridge is.

drawingpad · 08/03/2022 09:48

Those who don’t like people staying at heir house … what do you do about DCs and hosting sleepovers. Or teens/20s with partners staying?

We didn't do it.

Invitationtoclose88 · 08/03/2022 10:21

Those who don’t like people staying at heir house … what do you do about DCs and hosting sleepovers. Or teens/20s with partners staying?

Haven't encountered the partner issue yet but forced myself to have dc friends to stay for sleepovers because I felt it was important. And because I always told my dc that , with a few exceptions, it wasn't good form to accept invitations if you can't reciprocate. After a certain age, they tend to look after themselves, all you have to do is provide food. I can't say I loved it but it's part of having dc and there are always some bits about parenthood that you enjoy more than others.

nopuppiesallowed · 08/03/2022 15:13

Having said I don't like staying with others, I actually do love staying with my son and daughter in law as they are so easy going. And I rather think they like us staying as they have just built on a granny annex for future use! (And that is a sobering thought as it's not so long ago that we were considering extending so we could accommodate our parents....). And on the rare occasions when it's been poss, I really enjoyed staying with our daughter, too. So it's the thought of staying with friends I'm not keen on.... even my close friends.

user1471538283 · 08/03/2022 15:48

I used to love it. I can now stay one maybe two nights but not any longer. I used to love lots of people popping around as well but I cannot stand that either. I like my home to be quiet and calm.

I can no longer share hotel rooms or be with people every second when I'm on holiday.

Sunnytwobridges · 08/03/2022 16:20

Those who don’t like people staying at heir house … what do you do about DCs and hosting sleepovers. Or teens/20s with partners staying?

My DD always had friends overnight when she was a kid, but to me that didn't bother me because i didn't have to entertain them, she did. LOL To me it's not the same as me having company which I feel i have to entertain.

My DD is grown now but still lives with me, if she had overnight guests/a partner I would be ok with it as long as it didn't happen all the time , but i still would be more at ease because she has to be "on" and not me lol

TellerTuesday · 08/03/2022 17:30

Nope you are not alone. I would never have someone stay over unless it was an absolute emergency or something. Also would never stay at someone else's house myself. Just not for me at all, would happily go visit but would stay in a hotel.

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