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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anyone else hate the idea of staying over with friends/acquaintances

97 replies

Letmetakeaselfie · 07/03/2022 18:42

I'm a huge introvert which adds to it, even family I can stay a couple of days but I really need my space.

I've some friends in other cities and abroad, I've been offered to stay at some point which is lovely of them, I'd love to go and see them but honestly I'd rather stay in a hotel if I can afford it.

I couldn't think of anything worse than having to see people constantly for several days in a row, having to potentially share a room with them and zero downtime.

I also dislike having people over to stay, having people for a coffee is ok but nothing more.

Is this rude of me? I much prefer just meeting people outside and then going home/being by myself to recharge.

OP posts:

pigcon1 · 07/03/2022 20:55

GarlandsinGreece

This always.

AlisonDonut · 07/03/2022 20:57

I hate it. About 18 months before covid me and a really old mate went to see a band in London and because I was working there the next day I could put the room on expenses.

We had twin beds but stayed up til 4am just talking. So I was shattered for work the next day.

I'd not do that with anyone else. I don't even share a room with my OH. I usually blame the menopause and it shuts everyone up.

vampirewellness · 07/03/2022 20:59

@Glowtastic

I can't stand it, except for one friend who I can really relax and chill with, I just won't do it anymore. It affects my mental health too much as I simply can't cope if I don't get adequate alone/downtime. DH family don't get it, they want to stay and just sit chatting the whole time, also very demanding. I've had to put my foot down. Hate sharing hotel rooms too, and yoga retreats are out for me now as all the rooms are shared and the single supplement if you want your own room is an extra £200.

I've had this at yoga retreats and have a couple times paid extra for my own room, but it's expensive.

One thing I did find - on one occasion on retreat I stayed in the "dorm" with 6 beds and that was actually much better than sharing a twin room with 1 other person, because there were multiple people so I didn't feel like the pressure was on me to chat! I just dived for a corner of the room bed and kept to myself.

PatsyJStone · 07/03/2022 21:01

Love having friends over, as many as we can fit in! Luckily lots of our friends feel the same. We have spare bedrooms and bathroom so it’s not uncomfortable or awkward. I’m happy when they leave the next day but not desperate to get rid of them. I also have 100% cotton bedding and nice towels. The only time I struggle is to share a hotel room But I can do it. Better if I’ve had a drink though

coloradoqueen · 07/03/2022 21:04

I'm the same. Hate having overnight guests or being one at someone else's - I'd rather stay in an air bnb.

Whetheryouthinkyoucan · 07/03/2022 21:04

You’ll find your like minded people here on MN @Letmetakeaselfie

MN is full of people who hate having visitors or going to other people’s homes.

I’m the opposite, I love guests, I love being away. This year we have had 8 different friends stay at least one night and I’ve stayed in 5 different friends houses.

I don’t recognise the drama about going to bed early or whatever. If I’m ready to go through and my guests aren’t, I just say goodnight and ask them to put the dogs out for a pee before they go to bed. Similarly if I get up earlier than my friends at their houses I just make quiet coffee, let their dogs out or whatever (I’ll ask the night before if I’m not sure- “if I’m up before you, does Rufus need to go out or be fed?” ), and read/amuse myself.

Whetheryouthinkyoucan · 07/03/2022 21:05

@PatsyJStone. Marvellous, you and me together then! The spare bed is made up and I’ve got a bottle of pink fizz I was given today if you want to pop over

Scianel · 07/03/2022 21:06

I'm in the hate-it camp as well. Plus I'm funny about the loo and staying somewhere without an en-suite is my idea of hell. I also don't really like guests beyond someone popping in for a cup of tea.

Sunnysideup999 · 07/03/2022 21:11

Yup agree . I’m worse now I’m in my 40s.

Titsywoo · 07/03/2022 21:13

We never have overnights guests unless the kids are having sleepovers. I need space in the evening after spending time with anyone!

I also never stay at other peoples houses - I'd rather go to a hotel if visitng someone far from home.

WhatNoRaisins · 07/03/2022 21:15

Don't mind the overnight aspect at all so long as I've got my space to retreat to

Tonya345 · 07/03/2022 21:15

I need my own space, especially as I've got older. I'm 'set in my ways' and couldn't stand having to make conversation with a host, however much I liked them.
I have stayed with friends in the past, but it has to be a hotel now.

PatsyJStone · 07/03/2022 21:20

@Whetheryouthinkyoucan yep looks like we are the minority!
I spent too many years in a relationship with someone who was in the majority, I’m making up for it. Even better you’re a dog family! I’ll bring some booze too and I’ll make sure Fido and Fergus get out before we turn the music off as the sun rises 😂

goldensilver · 07/03/2022 21:22

@3001signon

When I was younger I never gave it a second thought. Now, mid 40’s, I like my own space. I just can’t cope with with constantly being ‘on’, I need so much down time now.

This is exactly how I feel. Younger me used to love a sleepover - at anyones house. Now I can just about manage my mums and my best friends at a push. I need my own bed, my own space, my own shower and the chance to sit down and switch off for half an hour. In my own house I feel I need to be hosting and in other peoples houses I feel I should be offering to help - just not relaxing!

nopuppiesallowed · 07/03/2022 21:23

I'll happily have people stay as long as they accept that I now go to bed at midnight and get up late. If they're larks they can get their own cereal etc as I show them where everything is the night before and if they want to go out, they can take a key! However I hate the thought of staying with anyone else and having to keep the same hours as them. It's like I'm happy to share my territory but don't like to share anyone else's.

bumblingbovine49 · 07/03/2022 21:28

Well let's hope none of us ever have to become refugees . How would.we cope for months at a time sharing space, often with strangers

I don't mind staying with people or having them to stay but 3 nights is the maximum before it starts to not be fun . 1-2 nights is fine and even nice , depending on who I am with .

LadyMacduff · 07/03/2022 21:29

Strangely, I don't mind it when i'm actually there but the days before it make me really anxious unless it's someone i'm very close to, and i always hope they will cancel.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 07/03/2022 21:30

Those who don’t like people staying at heir house … what do you do about DCs and hosting sleepovers. Or teens/20s with partners staying?

Toddlerteaplease · 07/03/2022 21:31

I'm the same. I wouldn't want to do it either. I'd also rather have a hotel room.

TonkaTruckduck · 07/03/2022 21:41

@BigSandyBalls2015 my dc are you get so no boyfriend sleeping over yet, but when they have their little mates to sleep it's no bother, I'm not the one expected to entertain and host them (beyond providing meals and ensuring their safety of course), plus I tell them when to go to bed, can't do that so much with adult guests

narcdad · 07/03/2022 21:41

@bumblingbovine49

Well let's hope none of us ever have to become refugees . How would.we cope for months at a time sharing space, often with strangers

I don't mind staying with people or having them to stay but 3 nights is the maximum before it starts to not be fun . 1-2 nights is fine and even nice , depending on who I am with .

🙄

@Letmetakeaselfie I'm the same, I have really lovely friends who've I've known all my life but as I've got older I really don't like stay overs. I have people over at mine but still prefer to have just family

Hoplesscynic · 07/03/2022 21:43

Same here. A few months ago I went to see a friend, who had invited me to stay over for 2-3 days. I'd never been to her house before, didn't know what the set up was but assumed I'd at least have my own bed/pull out bed. At first she showed me her DS's bedroom, but I wanted to be considerate, so I said "oh, don't kick him out of his own room, I'm happy to sleep on the couch downstairs" - which was completely true. However, it turned out her husband was going to sleep on the couch (I had no idea they didn't share a bed!) and she put me in the master bedroom to share a queen size bed with her (I felt uncomfortable saying anything as it was her house and I didn't want to appear picky or ungrateful). I spent the night subjected to a rather loud snoring, being pushed out to the verge of the bed and arms thrown in my direction that I had to dodge.. I ended up leaving a day early and honestly was so relieved! Same friend later suggested I should come to stay again, and bring my DC along too - no idea where and how she envisioned us all accommodated.

Billandben444 · 07/03/2022 21:48

Those who don’t like people staying at heir house … what do you do about DCs and hosting sleepovers. Or teens/20s with partners staying?
I used to get their dad to host sleepovers and then moved out into a dinky bed-sit when they went to uni so he hosted partners staying then as well! When sharing your space has to be on your terms, you just got to do it.

Oneonetheracehorse · 07/03/2022 21:51

I don't mind 1 night but I struggle with more. My husband loves staying with people and having people to stay but he understands I don't enjoy it!

His family are all like him and would love long visits (his mum goes to see his brother and family for a couple of months each time and they only live a short flight away) They want us to go there this summer and I've had to politely battle to stay nearby in an Air BnB rather than all live together for 2 weeks in a house that isn't mine.

I try to understand the other point of view but find people who love doing this sort of thing can be very eye rolly and dismissive of those of us don't!

Hawkins001 · 07/03/2022 21:53

For me I can stay wherever with others but my own preference for the lodgings I stay in, I prefer a select few.

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