Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

16yo DS and his GF (an update thread)

124 replies

workworkworkugh · 07/03/2022 09:45

So I thought I’d make an update thread, just because I’ve had a few people message me over the past few months asking how things are going so thought it would be easier to do one update.

I wanted to say thanks to all the people that have reached out, it does mean a lot, especially after my other thread was deleted, I felt a bit silly, and I’m even a bit wary about posting this!

Things are good! DS has not got back with GF and isn’t going to. There’s been a few little things that have happened but nothing too major and nothing we can’t handle.
Things like her telling people she has a restraining order on DS as he abused her, and that DS offered her dad money to get her to take DS back Confused.
She’s tried messaging him a few times and he could see the message preview but never opened the messages and so didn’t respond so she would then start messaging his friends.
There’s a bit more that's happened but this is just an example.

DS says he’s fully over her but he does hear stories about her through mutual friends and I think he still misses her, which I assured him is normal.
He said despite all the bad times, they did still have some fun times and that’s what he misses, and I’m sure they did have fun too, toxic relationships aren’t bad all the time.

He came to us once recently and said now that he’s out of it (the relationship and situation) he can see just how bad it really was.
He said there’s more things that went on than what we know but he wasn’t ready to talk about it. And he may never be and that’s ok.

He gave his old phone to his younger brother and I told him to make sure it was restored before he did, he didn’t 🙄.
I admit I went through it and came across a few screenshots of messages she’d sent him, and she was just plain nasty to DS.
It confirmed some of the things he’d told us had happened but we hadn’t actually seen for ourselves at the time.

Anyway, DS loves his job and sees his mates regularly.
His sport starts up soon and he said he’s excited for this season. He said he couldn’t be excited in the last two years as he knew what the repercussions from her would be.
He’s still a normal teenager and can still get a bit stroppy/moody with us, but a ‘normal’ amount, no way near what his behaviour was like with her.
He will often come out just for a chat and a laugh.
We went on a family holiday over Xmas which he wanted to come and was excited for, we all had a great time.

Life is back to normal and we couldn’t be happier.
She (and DS and his moods) no longer dominate our life.
In hindsight (what a useless thing that is haha), we know we handled certain things badly and obviously regret it. We’ve had chats to DS about these things as he brings them up and he knows we love him and we were just doing our best to protect him, even if we did get it wrong sometimes.

Thank you all for your support. I truly think if I didn't have MN to vent and get out all my thoughts and anxieties and ask for advice, my mental state would have been even worse than what it was during this time.

OP posts:
episcomama · 07/03/2022 13:15

I'm so pleased for you! Yours was a scary thread to read.

balzamico · 07/03/2022 13:17

thank you so much for updating, I have often wondered over the months but could never find any updates.
I am so pleased for you and your family that the relationship ended and you have your DS back

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 07/03/2022 13:22

@workworkworkugh, really pleased for your DS, you, your DH and family that things are getting back to normal. You've all come along way. Wishing you all the very best.

lunar1 · 07/03/2022 13:25

I'm so pleased to see that he escaped that relationship. Thank you for updating us.

1frenchfoodie · 07/03/2022 13:25

You are so kind to come back and update us. I am so pleased for your whole family, I am sure your DS isnt the only one feeling like a weight has been lifted.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 07/03/2022 13:34

Fab updates!

Lockdownbear · 07/03/2022 13:38

Good news Op thanks for up dating as I have often thought about you.

applesandpears33 · 07/03/2022 13:40

I remember your other threads although I missed the last one and am glad your DS is now moving on. In time, it may be helpful if he can list what in retrospect he thinks were red flags so he knows to avoid them in future.

diddl · 07/03/2022 13:41

Hurrah!

I'm quite surprised that she ended it.

Maybe she could sense him backing away?

Well, the hows & whys don't really matter!

Hope that she is now blocked on his phone/sm!

madmumofteens · 07/03/2022 13:45

Great news OP thanks for the update x

ChuckBerrysBoots · 07/03/2022 13:46

I was only thinking of you and your DS yesterday OP, I hadn’t got as far as reading they had split up before your old threads were pulled but really glad things are looking up.

ClaudiaWankleman · 07/03/2022 13:53

I think given the history (I have followed all 4 threads) I'd be looking to put some physical distance between the two of them. I'd worry that if he bumped into her (or she comes to his place of work) that there is a risk of them restarting something.

A social media block combined with a couple of hours' drive would vastly reduce that risk.

Waystation · 07/03/2022 13:58

I was so happy to read this update!

CantGetDecentNickname · 07/03/2022 14:00

Thank you for updating us OP and I'm glad it is good news and is finally over. I wish your son a happy life and am glad he is enjoying his job and able to enjoy his sport again. Hopefully he will know how to recognise warning signs in the future.

Iloveacurry · 07/03/2022 14:03

So pleased to hear this. A wonderful update.

BornBlonde · 07/03/2022 23:46

So pleased he has moved on from her & rebuilt his life. What a relief. I know it was very hard but be proud of how well you handled it

How disgusting she is lying about him

iPaddy · 08/03/2022 06:17

So very pleased for you and your DS. Hopefully he will have learned a bit as well and avoid the same mistakes in the future.

Flatandhappy · 08/03/2022 08:21

So glad this had a happy ending.

PuggyMum · 08/03/2022 22:09

I followed all your threads and caught your update on an old one after your last was zapped but I'm really pleased to see she didn't worm her way back in with your ds.

Don't be too hard on yourself with any decisions you made. I defy anyone to get it 100% right.

Thank you for updating

DFOD · 12/05/2022 22:06

It’s great to hear that it is over and stayed over. But even better that your family dynamics and relationship with your son has been restored. I think that you handled it as impeccably as you possibly could and the fact that he is now thriving is testament to your great parenting before, during and after.

iheartmybeachhut · 12/05/2022 22:55

Have thought of you from time to time and wondered how things were getting on.
So pleased for your ds and you all as a family that you have come through it.

AliceMcK · 12/05/2022 23:40

I was just thinking about your old thread today. So so happy everything is good and you and your DS has come through this.

L1ttledrummergirl · 13/05/2022 21:35

Thank you for the update and we'll done for getting through it.

Theluggagerules · 13/05/2022 21:41

So nice to hear that things are going well for him, and you all as a family

New posts on this thread. Refresh page