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16yo DS and his GF (an update thread)

124 replies

workworkworkugh · 07/03/2022 09:45

So I thought I’d make an update thread, just because I’ve had a few people message me over the past few months asking how things are going so thought it would be easier to do one update.

I wanted to say thanks to all the people that have reached out, it does mean a lot, especially after my other thread was deleted, I felt a bit silly, and I’m even a bit wary about posting this!

Things are good! DS has not got back with GF and isn’t going to. There’s been a few little things that have happened but nothing too major and nothing we can’t handle.
Things like her telling people she has a restraining order on DS as he abused her, and that DS offered her dad money to get her to take DS back Confused.
She’s tried messaging him a few times and he could see the message preview but never opened the messages and so didn’t respond so she would then start messaging his friends.
There’s a bit more that's happened but this is just an example.

DS says he’s fully over her but he does hear stories about her through mutual friends and I think he still misses her, which I assured him is normal.
He said despite all the bad times, they did still have some fun times and that’s what he misses, and I’m sure they did have fun too, toxic relationships aren’t bad all the time.

He came to us once recently and said now that he’s out of it (the relationship and situation) he can see just how bad it really was.
He said there’s more things that went on than what we know but he wasn’t ready to talk about it. And he may never be and that’s ok.

He gave his old phone to his younger brother and I told him to make sure it was restored before he did, he didn’t 🙄.
I admit I went through it and came across a few screenshots of messages she’d sent him, and she was just plain nasty to DS.
It confirmed some of the things he’d told us had happened but we hadn’t actually seen for ourselves at the time.

Anyway, DS loves his job and sees his mates regularly.
His sport starts up soon and he said he’s excited for this season. He said he couldn’t be excited in the last two years as he knew what the repercussions from her would be.
He’s still a normal teenager and can still get a bit stroppy/moody with us, but a ‘normal’ amount, no way near what his behaviour was like with her.
He will often come out just for a chat and a laugh.
We went on a family holiday over Xmas which he wanted to come and was excited for, we all had a great time.

Life is back to normal and we couldn’t be happier.
She (and DS and his moods) no longer dominate our life.
In hindsight (what a useless thing that is haha), we know we handled certain things badly and obviously regret it. We’ve had chats to DS about these things as he brings them up and he knows we love him and we were just doing our best to protect him, even if we did get it wrong sometimes.

Thank you all for your support. I truly think if I didn't have MN to vent and get out all my thoughts and anxieties and ask for advice, my mental state would have been even worse than what it was during this time.

OP posts:
InglouriousBasterd · 07/03/2022 10:25

Very happy to read this! What a fab update.

MayBMaybenot · 07/03/2022 10:25

Fantastic update on an awful situation. Well done you for getting through it and making sure your son is now in a so much better place.

Mouldyfeet · 07/03/2022 10:26

I missed your last thread but was thinking about you and your DS the other day.

How did it finally end? It must be very difficult for him. She is one very dangerous and abusive young lady. Her parents should be forcing get into therapy.

altiara · 07/03/2022 10:26

So pleased to hear this update Flowers

SlashBeef · 07/03/2022 10:28

🥺 I'm so happy for you and your family! I'm so glad there was a way through this for you all.

HollowTalk · 07/03/2022 10:28

Oh I remember this, but didn't know they'd ended their relationship. What a relief for you (and him). What was the deciding factor?

Arabellla · 07/03/2022 10:29

That's such great news. Has she or her dad tried to contact you directly at all?

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 07/03/2022 10:30

Delighted to read this.

You were so patient and dealt with it in a way that I have tucked away for "just incase".

Glad things are more even, hope your son is ok.

I hope she is too, she has a hard life ahead of her if she cannot learn how to treat people who love her.

You sound like a capable and lovely mother. I hope your quiet family life continues for a long, long time.

Christinatherabbit · 07/03/2022 10:30

I remember the thread. So pleased all is well. I went through similar with one of our older boys and at the time you just can't see a way through! It's a wonderful feeling once it has all worked out. Thanks for the update 😊

Gowithme · 07/03/2022 10:30

Wow that's brilliant news - I was worried it might end up with her getting pregnant, him dropping out of school because she told him she needed him and him being controlled by her for the rest of his life! Great news that he's escaped, hopefully he's learnt so much from it.

workworkworkugh · 07/03/2022 10:31

@Boscoforever we haven't seen them around town or heard from them.
DS has told us that they basically enable GF's behaviour, which we already knew.

OP posts:
workworkworkugh · 07/03/2022 10:32

@LittleOwl153 he left school at the end of Year 11 here which is the second last year of secondary school.
He now has an apprenticeship which he has been working full time in and his trade school is due to start shortly.

OP posts:
FirstTimeSecondTime · 07/03/2022 10:34

So glad it all worked out

Brideandprejudice · 07/03/2022 10:37

So pleased to hear this OP. I remember your other thread well and felt awful for you all at the time.

BeKind2022 · 07/03/2022 10:37

So glad things have turned out so well.

Hopefully he will now be able to recognize red flags of toxic relationships and with that knowledge (which it takes some adults many years to learn to spot) will go on and have happy healthy relationships in the future and as a result the positive effects will ripple through your family for many years to come.

workworkworkugh · 07/03/2022 10:38

To the people that missed my Part4 thread that was deleted.
It finished around the time of DS birthday.
She ruined his birthday as she was in isolation at the time and wouldn't 'let him' celebrate with his family.

That day she got out she told him she wanted to take a break to 'experience other boys' and it slowly fizzled out form there.
Some minor drama but nothing like we thought would happen.
(I think there's more detail on threads 2 & 3).

We genuinely thought DS was going to be traumatised from his experience and we were all prepared with regards to his mental health as he has been depressed in the past, even his best mate said to us that his mates were on high alert for DS but he came through absolutely fine.
I genuinely think he was relieved, and he'd possibly wanted it for a while but didn't know how to go about it.

So many people commented to him, at different times, that he looked lighter, like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders and he agreed.

OP posts:
Alfiemoon1 · 07/03/2022 10:38

Great update so pleased for you all

crowsfeet57 · 07/03/2022 10:44

Delighted to hear this OP. So pleased for you all.

RandomMess · 07/03/2022 10:44

Happy happy happy dance from me!

Such a great update.

I'm beaming for you and DS.

DPotter · 07/03/2022 10:44

So pleased for you all - thank you for sharing

LilyTheSavage · 07/03/2022 10:47

I've followed your threads OP and really felt for you. Such a hideous and difficult situation for you to deal with. I'm just de-lurking to say that I am delighted for you and wish your DS all the luck in the world.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 07/03/2022 10:48

Great news OP

Orgasmagorical · 07/03/2022 10:50

So many people commented to him, at different times, that he looked lighter, like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders and he agreed.

I've been told that by so many people too. You often don't realise the weight you're carrying until it's gone.

I think the way it ended was best for your son. If he had finished with her there would have been some punishment.

Murderinparadise · 07/03/2022 10:52

Another long time follower, I must have missed the end of the deleted thread, and had watched out for updates, but I’m so happy for you all. To echo another poster, I think you dealt with this brilliantly, I don’t think I could have kept out of it as much as you did, but I think it was absolutely the right thing to do. Well done to your son too, getting on with his life is the best news to hear.

Tulipomania · 07/03/2022 10:53

Great news OP. Parenting teenagers is so hard, and you've obviously done a great job with your DS.