I asked him for child maintenance and he's threatened to kill himself

[cadburyegg]

Posting for traffic. Really upset.

I've posted on here before about my ex being flaky with child maintenance. I haven't gone to the CMS before now because he has eventually paid up. Today I chased him by text for the week's payment, like I often have to do.

He said he couldn't pay because he was skint etc so I told him that I would go through the CMS. He unleashed a barrage of anger on me. Implying that I shouldn't need his money because I get "handouts" and he gets nothing. I do work and earn an ok salary considering I do reduced hours to fit around the children. I have asked for more hours at work but haven't been approved yet. But I do get CB and a small amount of UC which tops up my wages.

I told him the above (which he already knows) and he told me he was thinking of ending it all because of the "pressure" I am putting on him.

FWIW I suffer majorly with my mental health and find being a single parent to 2 young children immensely stressful. I am on a high dose of ADs. Yet I would never say anything like this or take my problems out on/to him or anyone else

I chose not to go down the CMS route in similar circumstances, DCs are adults now but I still massively regret and feel bitter that I didn't pursue maintenance. Please don't make the same mistake I did.

So much great dvice on here, OP. I just want to add to it that I think you are amazing - doing your job, looking after 2DC while having mental health issues yourself, and taking ADs, dealing with a pathetic a...e of an ex, etc. Just want to congratulate you for holding it together and being the responsible parent that your DC need. If you can separate your head and affairs from your ex, you will feel much stronger. Once you have CM set up, don't give him another thought, and only interract about strictly practical childcare times. He certainly does not need to know anything about your income or other circumstances - none of his business. His only concern should be to provide for HIS children. By doing so, he is not doing you or them some sort of favour - it is his responsibility. And he is not your responsibility. I agree with others who have said if any suicide threats, they are probably just manipulative lies, but either way call the police - it will be either abusive control or (unlikely) genuine. Either way the police need to know. You sound like a great mum to your DC.

He is literally stealing money that is meant to be spent on your children’s physical and social needs

What kind of “father” does that ?

@whiteworldgettingwhiter

What a prince - so he doesn't feel he should provide for his own dc?

Go with CMS. Grey rock him.

He won't kill himself.

And even if by some outside chance he does - it would not be your fault in any way at all.

I bet he doesn't threaten suicide when he gets reminders to pay his council tax, his energy bill, his internet provider

I had this 9 years ago, every month was the same…. I’m embarrassed to say he would threaten it and go awol…. I would put my two babies in a car and drive around searching for him…. Then I woke up…. Went to the CMS and get regular money and none of his 💩 and he’s still alive!

If he threatens to kill himself, ring the police.
He'll stop if you do this.

People make suicide threats for two reasons - either because they need immediate help or as a form of emotional abuse. In either case, best to report to the police.

Claim the CM via CMS.

This!!!

"That's going a bit far to wriggle out of paying maintenance, but up to you".

Agree with everyone else. Go to CMS - it will be so much less stressful for you if they deal with it instead of you. You shouldn't have to keep begging him for what your children are entitled to.

And ignore his stupid threats. He is just being a manipulative twat. Like PP said I bet he doesn't threaten to top himself when he gets his council tax bill.

Whatever he earns is of no concern to you, even if you were still together, he would still have to spend money,after all it IS part of his responsibility.....just claim