I asked him for child maintenance and he's threatened to kill himself

[cadburyegg]

Posting for traffic. Really upset.

I've posted on here before about my ex being flaky with child maintenance. I haven't gone to the CMS before now because he has eventually paid up. Today I chased him by text for the week's payment, like I often have to do.

He said he couldn't pay because he was skint etc so I told him that I would go through the CMS. He unleashed a barrage of anger on me. Implying that I shouldn't need his money because I get "handouts" and he gets nothing. I do work and earn an ok salary considering I do reduced hours to fit around the children. I have asked for more hours at work but haven't been approved yet. But I do get CB and a small amount of UC which tops up my wages.

I told him the above (which he already knows) and he told me he was thinking of ending it all because of the "pressure" I am putting on him.

FWIW I suffer majorly with my mental health and find being a single parent to 2 young children immensely stressful. I am on a high dose of ADs. Yet I would never say anything like this or take my problems out on/to him or anyone else

My ex often threatened to kill himself.

Last I heard, he was still kicking around.

Go to cms for the reasons stated by others and also it sends a message that you won't be manipulated.

Don't reply. Don't bother texting him anymore. Just go to the CMS

CMS.

Every time.

Why should he get a fee ride?

You have two small kids ffs.

These feckless men!

I would stop even discussing it with him, just go to CMS and get it sorted. If he’s working then he needs to be paying.

I think you’d be better going through CMS from now on. Stop communicating directly about money - what a dick.

He’s not going to top himself, he’s just being a massive pissbaby.

Has he got a job ?

Ignore him, don’t reply and apply now. It’s £20 for the application, don’t give him the heads up that it is done.
If the barrage of abuse continues do not reply, report him to the police.

Fuck that shit, he’s an abusive asshole. Go to CMS without a second thought.

I think I'd just reply "are you threatening to kill yourself if I ask you to help support the children you helped make?"

Just to see what he says. Then claim CMS because then you don't have to keep asking him and he can start threatening CMS he'll hill himself.

Which just made me realise what the people who work there must have to put up with.

Don't ask, beg, bargain or anything else.

This is a manipulation tactic.

He is saying he would rather kill himself than contribute the bare minimum towards his kids.

If he was serious he would have just done it.

Go to CMS and have all discussions via text or email in future and only respond to things directly regarding the kids and do it in a completely non emotional way.

Guess he can’t work many hours because of the childcare issues
Waste of space plays guilt card- ignore and claim

Many like this make me sick. Please please please go ahead with a CMS claim. This weasel needs to grow a pair!

Men*

What a knobber.

Go to CMS. How bloody dare he try and blackmail you.

Child support will ask if there is any abuse so they can waive the £20 fee tell them emotional abuse they don't ask for evidence

I was prepared to give them evidence BTW they just said that's fine we won't charge you

They all say this OP. I wouldn't worry.

Go through CMS, it's for your child, not you. Does he have access to his child? What I mean is, if he doesn't, can you just block him once payments are set up and coming in?

If you have to maintain contact, just tell him that any time he threatens to kill himself, you will call 999 and have them come out to him. That way, you won't have to worry and damage your own MH, and also, it will stop him.

It wouldn't matter if you were earning like Beyonce - he still has to pay towards the upkeep of his child

Stay strong

@Notanotherwindow

Well tell him to sort his life insurance before he does and if he could make it look like an accident that would be helpful too.

Honestly don't pander to it. He's trying to control you by manipulating your emotions and the only way to handle it is to either ignore it or if you think he might be serious, call police to do a welfare check.

Ditto the above.

And ask if he can let you know where to find the will.

Seriously if he says it again contact the police

Go to the CMS, let them deal with it.
And you are not responsible for his MH, don’t let him control you.

So sorry to read this. Please Keep absolutely every, single piece of communication that you have. Keep a diary. Do not get sucked into anything other than essential communication. Remain level headed. You may need the communication evidence on court at a later date.

Ignore him, phone CMS options tomorrow and start the claim going. Make sure you tell them he’s threatening self harm/suicide when you ask for maintenance. That would come under their domestic violence policy where you don’t have to pay the £20 fee.

Completely ignore him and don’t talk to him about money again, let the CMS handle it.

And I’d phone your local safeguarding hub for advice on leaving the kids with a man who is threatening to do these things. Perhaps it’s best the relevant services know about his ideals.

I guess that this would be a tactic from some weak unreliable men, Just ignore it, and do what you have to do now.

@Lachimolala

Ignore him, phone CMS options tomorrow and start the claim going. Make sure you tell them he’s threatening self harm/suicide when you ask for maintenance. That would come under their domestic violence policy where you don’t have to pay the £20 fee.

Completely ignore him and don’t talk to him about money again, let the CMS handle it.

And I’d phone your local safeguarding hub for advice on leaving the kids with a man who is threatening to do these things. Perhaps it’s best the relevant services know about his ideals.

This

Spot on

He may just be manipulating you but actually mentioning suicide/ death etc is something that can be linked to actual suicidal thoughts. Official advice is always to report