I asked him for child maintenance and he's threatened to kill himself

[cadburyegg]

Posting for traffic. Really upset.

I've posted on here before about my ex being flaky with child maintenance. I haven't gone to the CMS before now because he has eventually paid up. Today I chased him by text for the week's payment, like I often have to do.

He said he couldn't pay because he was skint etc so I told him that I would go through the CMS. He unleashed a barrage of anger on me. Implying that I shouldn't need his money because I get "handouts" and he gets nothing. I do work and earn an ok salary considering I do reduced hours to fit around the children. I have asked for more hours at work but haven't been approved yet. But I do get CB and a small amount of UC which tops up my wages.

I told him the above (which he already knows) and he told me he was thinking of ending it all because of the "pressure" I am putting on him.

FWIW I suffer majorly with my mental health and find being a single parent to 2 young children immensely stressful. I am on a high dose of ADs. Yet I would never say anything like this or take my problems out on/to him or anyone else

He is an absolute shit. Go via CMS

I've had this and the line when they are with me i cant feed them now, call the cms it's all manipulation and black mail

Go via cms. He isn't going to do it, he wouldn't have threatened it if he was going to. He's just trying to control you. Bet he has money for games/cigarettes/alcohol/whatever his fancy is.

Just because your skint doesn’t mean you can’t provide for your kids, they still need to eat and be clothed so he needs to do something regardless.
He needs to pay up.

Go through CMS. He won’t attempt suicide. He’s just trying to make you back off

If he threatens to kill himself, ring the police. He'll stop if you do this.

People make suicide threats for two reasons - either because they need immediate help or as a form of emotional abuse. In either case, best to report to the police.

Claim the CM via CMS.

Go through CMS. I'm assuming you pay for most of things the children need anyways. So he would be even more skint if he actually had the children living with him

He's not going to kill himself. The sort of men who say this are the ones who can't get their own way and put all the guilt on you so you don't dare ask for CM. Just go through CMS. Even if you only get £5 a week it's something.

IF he threatens again, then log it with the police that you are concerned for his welfare.

And that’s why he’s said it, because it’ll hit you where it does damage. What a nasty piece of work he is.
Children have first call on his money. Child support paid first then live on what’s left. I’m sure you go without luxuries for your kids.
Can you just go through CMS ?

I second PPs who advise you to ignore the threat to self-harm or worse and just restate your request for the payment.

In the absence of a sensible response today, then it looks as if you'll have no choice but to ask for CMS to intervene.

Good luck because that's a miserable position for you and DC.

I do work and earn an ok salary considering I do reduced hours to fit around the children. I have asked for more hours at work but haven't been approved yet. But I do get CB and a small amount of UC which tops up my wages

Why do you do this? Why try and justify your salary/benefits?

A sharp, your children need food clothes and shelter and you are responsible for paying your share.

Put the claim in, you don’t need to tel him you are doing so. Any come back keep it short and simple.

Go to cms.

Don't discuss your personal finances with him. None of his business. Don't defend yourself to him. You're right to expect a financial contribution from him for your children. Even if you were on 100k.

Your ex needs to pay for his children because he is their father. It has nothing to do with how much you earn or whether you could just about get by without his contribution.

@BluebellsGreenbells

I do work and earn an ok salary considering I do reduced hours to fit around the children. I have asked for more hours at work but haven't been approved yet. But I do get CB and a small amount of UC which tops up my wages

Why do you do this? Why try and justify your salary/benefits?

A sharp, your children need food clothes and shelter and you are responsible for paying your share.

Put the claim in, you don’t need to tel him you are doing so. Any come back keep it short and simple.

I agree. It doesn’t matter how much you earn, two parents have a responsibility to their parents. If my ex won the lottery and became a millionaire I would still provide for my children.

Tell him to make sure he names the children in his will.

He's being an arse.

So he’s saying he’d rather die than contribute the bare legal minimum towards his responsibilities as a father to his children.

What a Prince amongst men.

Stop discussing your finances with him and go to CMS.

It sounds feels horrible but it’s a lowlife attempt to control you and deprive your children.

Detach emotionally and contact CMS. If he earns nothing and can pay nothing they will assess him on that basis. But I wouldn’t take his weasel word for it.

He is just trying to control you. Of course he should pay maintenance. Go via CMS.

What a manipulative, horrible man.

Grey rock him and go to CMS

You should only communicate with this overgrown toddler when it directly affects your kids. Go to CMS, you're obviously doing as much as you can to be independent and a responsible parent and you really don't need the hassle from him . If he's flaky with the CMS he will have to face the consequences of his own actions. Don't let him bring you down.

Well tell him to sort his life insurance before he does and if he could make it look like an accident that would be helpful too

Is it bad this was my first thought too?

What does he earn? What are his living costs? How much does he need to pay for the children?

He's manipulating you.

My ex threatened to kill myself if I didn't get an abortion.

I was unfamiliar with this tactic and really panicked before someone explained what he was doing.

Oh, and I didn't get the abortion. And he's still hanging around.

Straight out of the play book. My dad played these cards, and my DC's father. So tedious. Use CMS, just ignore anything he says.