Won't eat. I've broken my toddlers.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Gah.

Hating myself right now. Toddlers are such shitty eaters and it's all my fault.

Today they've had some toast for breakfast, bit of fruit toast for lunch, mainly licking the cheese pancakes and spitting them out for tea.

If course they'd eat chocolate or cake or anything like that, but that's not the point is it.

They won't even eat frigging baked beans, the last bastion of anyone desperate to say their kid eats a vegetable.

They have milk at nap and bed time and I feel like that's the only decent nutrients they get and even then it's only cows milk.

Used to eat pasta great but have started leaving that too.

Yoghurt is fine

I'm going to end up with malnourished children who have life long issues with food and I don't know how to fix it.

Stop pandering to it. This is about control not food.

Put a healthy diet in front of them. Bear in mind they eat a healthy diet over a year not a plate.

Do not negotiate or engage, just eat your own food and chat about the day. Clear away after 15 mins

Keep their plates until the next meal is served and offer it back they say they are hungry

Do not pull out snacks between meals.

They won’t starve themselves but they will kick off!

Weather it or it will just get worse!

When my kids was weaning I did a lot of reading on the subject of eating disorders and reverse engineered my strategy based on how therapists help kids with issues.

I understand that , during weaning, so much of the food offered to little ones is new, of a different flavour and of a different texture.
A food needs to be offered up to 20 times in order for it to be accepted but most parents give up way before then.

Offering once or twice and being met with refusal is common. It's all too easy to carry on thinking 'well I've tried carrot and he doesn't like that' then move on to ham and the same thing happens. So you end up thinking they've got a food issue.

Just persist but offer other things, too, that you know they would like, but not in the quantities that they would feel full from.

You/your child will get there.

I thought they all go through that phase?
Please don't worry. Ive always thought that my job was to put healthy food on the table - you can't make them eat it. Meal time is always together and self service from bowls on the table. Even if they ate nothing for a couple of days, I would shrug it off and NEVER make a deal out of it. They ate eventually.

If they haven't got any neurological issues. Its a phase, it'll pass.

I'm sure people will think that approach is harsh and they cook lots of different things/star charts etc. I'm too busy for that.

Mine are all huge teenagers now - they survived my awful parenting!

If something wasn't eaten we would take it away then if they were hungry at any time before the next meal they would get that food back again (microwaved if necessary) they soon learnt leaving their food didn't mean they got something 'better' i.e chocolate or biscuits.
We also used to do a lot of picky teas such as make your own wraps etc, they seemed to eat better when they felt in control of what was on their plate.

Try not to worry, the vast majority of kids eat! A friend did all Annabelle karmel organic, weaned her baby on delicious exotic things, but he grew into a child that cried and ran away at the sight of fruit!

Slow down and relax. They can more or less live on full fat milk, a vitamin tablet, and whatever snacks they'll accept around the edges.

Think creatively. Make fruit sauce and drizzle it on the plates or in a bowl so they dip their fingers/toast/carrot sticks in it.
Make teeny cubes of food- sweetcorn, peas, cheese, ham. Let them pick them up and eat them.

Give variety, but tiny amounts. A teaspoon of five different foods on a plastic plate is better than a substantial amount of one food.
Give them things to dip in the yogurt, that often appeals.

When they've messed about with the variety tastes, top them up with something simple they like.

Make a note of what's enjoyed and what's not- maybe you'll notice something about the texture, colour or flavour that gives you a clue.

One week my 2 and a half year old eats everything in sight and still screams for more. The next they eat very little and refuse everything put in front of them except yogurt. Yes it’s fucking hard but if they were hungry I’d know about it.

And, it's often nicer off someone else's plate! Never underestimate the power of tasting Mummy's special snack!

I've taken the opposite approach to others here. It's a phase that will pass. I just don't make it an issue. No re-serving food they haven't eaten/ turning it into a battle.

I give/gave them things they will eat. Then, like magic, we turned a corner and my 3 year old is eating a much wider variety of things. Don't sweat it! He literally lived off yogurt and cheese on toast. He is absolutely fine.

I agree wth pickle. Before their meal arrives put a plate on the table with lots of healthy bits and bobs and tell them it's not for them, don't touch it, it's mummies. Then leave the room

It’s difficult, but most toddlers go through this stage. It’s all about control so don’t give in. No matter how stressed you are feeling inside do not show it whatever you do, keep it light and breezy and make out you don’t care whether they eat or not. They will get hungry bored of the lack of reaction soon and start eating. On another note how old exactly are they? Just wondering if they actually need that milk at nap time because it could be that that’s filling their little bellies up.

I'm going to end up with malnourished children who have life long issues with food and I don't know how to fix it

No you're not. You might end up prematurely grey though

They're alive. They're loved. They're safe. They're happy.

They'll get over it.

You're doing just fine

@SomePosters

Stop pandering to it. This is about control not food.

Put a healthy diet in front of them. Bear in mind they eat a healthy diet over a year not a plate.

Do not negotiate or engage, just eat your own food and chat about the day. Clear away after 15 mins

Keep their plates until the next meal is served and offer it back they say they are hungry

Do not pull out snacks between meals.

They won’t starve themselves but they will kick off!

Weather it or it will just get worse!

When my kids was weaning I did a lot of reading on the subject of eating disorders and reverse engineered my strategy based on how therapists help kids with issues.

This! In spades.

My 3 year old went to bed with no dinner last night because she refused. Fine! That was her choice.

My ds only ate weetabix for a year when he was a toddler. I'm not exaggerating. Breakfast, lunch and tea. I tried to give him other food, he would have rather gone hungry than eat something else. He's a very tall, sporty and healthy teenager now!

So commom for toddlers to beultra fussy and you haven't done anything weong. I liked the mumsnet advice of offer them some food you know tgey will eat and also offer sonething 'novel'.

Maybe we are really lucky (totally acknowledge all children are different) but my kids eat really well from just being served with mum and dad. No pressure. My job is to provide healthy food and it’s their job to eat it. I know this doesn’t always work for kids with autism or other special needs but for the average neurotypical child I think seeing you eat well and laugh and chat plus low anxiety works wonders.

One of the things that worked with mine was a "muffin tray" supper. You basically put something small in each hole and they get lots of little bits - so for example cucumber sticks, cracker, pitta fingers, cheese, hummus, apple, ham, a piece of chocolate. You can put a couple of random things they wouldn't normally try but because everything is really small, they may give it a go. Mine still ask for this sometimes now and they're 10 & 12!

I agree wth pickle. Before their meal arrives put a plate on the table with lots of healthy bits and bobs and tell them it's not for them, don't touch it, it's mummies. Then leave the room

Ooh crafty. I love a bit of reverse psychology. Brilliant advice! 👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼

Have a meal and snack schedule. But serve nothing outside those times.

Eat together, everyone serves themselves. Have one "safe" food plus other things to try.

Give them a multivitamin

Model table manners and eating a variety of foods

Serve what you need to get through

I highly recommend Kids Eat In Colour on Instagram (she also has a blog). A paediatric nutritionist and various other actual qualifications. Two picky kids. She has lots of really great advice.

Offer them a plate with 5 or 6 healthy choices on it, completely separated. I used to just put a bit of whatever we were having for dinner that night, but all the elements separately and no sauce (my DC hates most sauces) and add a couple of extra easy things like carrot sticks and cucumber pieces.

One or two proteins - meat, cheese, baked beans, pulses etc.

One or two carbs - rice, potatoes, pasta, bread, whole grains etc.

At least three vegetables.

Then offer that and eat your own food. Don't comment but don't offer anything else.

If they don't eat their dinner, I'd give something very plain and unexciting before bed (my go-to was porridge and milk) as I don't like the idea of sending young children to bed hungry.

They'll be filling up on the bottle of milk.

Stop the bottle, give them a small amount of milk in a cup with a snack.

Try not to worry.

Try not to engage. Mealtimes should not be a battleground.

They are very efficient little things and can get the absolute most out of a ridiculously small amount of food.

If the weather is nice tomorrow, can you take them to the park (or your back garden if you have one) for a teddy bears picnic

Take a blanket, the food cut up into finger food, pack drinks as well, and they can take a teddy bear each. Pretend to feed the food to the bear, then ask if they want to try it too.

My go to is saying 'shall DD eat this or shall Mummy?' and then pretend you're about to eat it - 9/10 times she'll then find it much more attractive please don't stress too much about it. Provide safe foods alongside different ones and eventually they'll try them. Pretty sure they all regress a bit around 2yo with eating, it's a control thing!

Also get them to help make food - our toddler class were shown how to peel boiled eggs and squash them to eat them.

When they don't eat, what do you do? Do you ask them to? Do you tell them they have to? Do you promise them pudding if they do? Do you tell them 'x more mouthfuls'? Do you get upset? Do you get cross? Do you threaten them with consequences? Do you try and spoon feed them? Do you distract them with technology? Do you make them something else, and when they don't eat that, something else? Do you let them have endless snacks instead? Do you fill them up on milk 'so they don't go to bed hungry'? Do you worry and stress and tell them they won't grow strong?

If so, please stop!! I can't tell you all the families I've come across in my years as a nanny who do this. They turn mealtimes into this massive drama and it's so unnecessary!! All you really need to do is:

Provide decent healthy food
Preferably sit down and eat the same thing at the same time
Stop talking about them eating or not eating, have relaxed happy chat instead
Promote good manners - they eat at the table and behave well. Spitting food out or throwing it is the end of that meal for them. Food is removed but they need to stay sitting until you've finished.
Provide lots of active outdoors play so they actually work up an appetite
Think to yourself 'If they eat, that's fine, if they don't eat, that's fine'
When you've finished, if they aren't going to eat any more they can get down too. Then that's it until the next meal, no snacks or milk or juice or anything.
Chill right out about the whole thing! Small children don't starve themselves to death. What they do do is test the limits to see what they can control and where they have power.