Won't eat. I've broken my toddlers.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Gah.

Hating myself right now. Toddlers are such shitty eaters and it's all my fault.

Today they've had some toast for breakfast, bit of fruit toast for lunch, mainly licking the cheese pancakes and spitting them out for tea.

If course they'd eat chocolate or cake or anything like that, but that's not the point is it.

They won't even eat frigging baked beans, the last bastion of anyone desperate to say their kid eats a vegetable.

They have milk at nap and bed time and I feel like that's the only decent nutrients they get and even then it's only cows milk.

Used to eat pasta great but have started leaving that too.

Yoghurt is fine

I'm going to end up with malnourished children who have life long issues with food and I don't know how to fix it.

@OfstedOffred

I've come to the conclusion we often massively overestimate how much 2-3 year olds need to eat, we think they arent eating enough, so resort to all sorts of shit to get them to eat more.

Unless you have health concerns around their weight or height, I think all you can do is offer a healthy range of meals and snacks.

I do wonder if my expectation of what they'll eat is out. Older brother is no use as his appetite is is tiny, and he's very good at shopping when he's full so will leave 1 sweet in the packet or half a bag of crisps or three bites of an apple etc.

No worries on their weight expect really that they've got a podge and I know unless you can see all bones they're considered fat! But they're tall too and never are still

Ah don't be hard on yourself. It's a phase. kids are a bloody nightmare. You haven't done this. They all, or at least the vast majority go through this.

I used to make a picture menu and get one of their toys to be a waiter and they could choose. I'd get them invoiced in cooking too.
My other thing was to make a platter of foods from which they could serve themselves. Lots of different picky bits but no pressure to eat specific things.

When I was little my dad would leave bowls of beautifully prepared fresh fruit and veg, crudités etc around the living room so I'd find them and help myself whisky I was playing (then also there was less pressure to have veg at dinner.)

Don't let them snack on junk and fill up between meals but some people are grazers and (although you can't be a grazer at primary school) fighting it is another why we lose our ability to eat intuitively.

Also kids are weird. I wouldn't let my food touch. Would only eat about 3 meals for years and grew out of it. I learnt recently that two of my friends were even more extreme at being fussy but totally reversed it.

Things will get better, but then they'll lapse for a bit but then they'll get better again. Take heart and don't blame yourself.

All kids are like this. Just serve the food and take it away again after maybe half an hour. They learn quick enough to eat when food's on offer. You don't need to stress, bless you

Toddlers are generally a complete PITA to feed! Am thankful that my toddler granddaughter is at nursery 5 days a week and eats well. Anything else she eats is a bonus!

Don’t make them eat food not eaten at a previous meal, that’s horrid for them and won’t make them enjoy it.
I hope this comforts you, my DD has never eaten fruit or vegetables, but will drink orange juice. And when I say never I mean she had a piece of fruit two years ago aged 17;but didn’t like it.
Only tried pizza at age 11 but now loves it.
She is an intelligent, healthy, tall, fully grown adult , slim with clear skin. Still hates fruit and veg.

The worst thing I did was to try and force her to eat food she didn’t want, I’m sure that made the problem worse.

The one mealtime rule in our house is that we don't make a fuss over food - it's just food.

One of my DC has had dietician input and this is the advice we follow:

• at every meal always offer 1-2 'safe' foods alongside the meal so there is never "nothing to eat"

• offer the meal, allow a reasonable time to eat, then tidy it away without comment. If they eat, they eat. If they don't, they don't

• if nothing is eaten (or very little) then try stretch to the next meal time however if they are hungry or its going to be a long time until the next meal (e g., dinner through until breakfast the next day) then around an hour after the rejected meal offer a basic snack of toast, fruit, cheese and crackers, whatever their safe snack is

• don't beg, bribe, plead, bargain, cajole, etc. There is no obligation to just taste it, have another bite, eat all the vegetables, etc

• the main meal of the day (dinner for us) should have two courses, a main meal and a simple/plain desert such as yoghurt or fruit. Both courses are available, can be eaten in any order, and there are no strings attached to either - they can eat all of one and none of the other if they choose. The idea is that you're taking away the power of pudding, removing the link between it being a reward (here's pudding) or punishment (no pudding), and - most importantly - the child gets enough calories across two courses as three bites of dinner and two mouthfuls of yoghurt contain more calories than the dinner alone

• give at least one cup of milk a day and also a good multivitamin

I mostly agree with all the advice but I stopped doing the "give pudding alongside dinner" as all my DD was just eat pudding, never touched the main meal.

She eats more variety if she knows pudding is coming after the meal. We don't make her eat a massive portion of dinner or describe the pudding as a reward, but she if she is so "not hungry" that she doesnt even touch a single safe food on the plate, she knows pudding won't be given as an alternative to the main meal.

Are you serving snacks they like? If so they’re probably waiting for those. DC2 would’ve eaten solely sugary yoghurt given the choice.

Ps OP of they have got a bit of podge and are tall stop worrying, they are getting enough calories. If they are a decent size try the ellyn satter approach.

I mostly thought you are doing ok as they hit most food groups (carbs, fruit, dairy, protein)

I have twins and an older one. When the twins were two was the hardest age in my opinion as I felt like they were old enough to be a bit easier and they bloody weren’t. My older one didn’t have the additional issues yours has so you have even more to deal with.

It sounds like you are doing a great job and just keep at it and eventually they’ll eat a bit more again. As others have said I think letting them think that what you have on your own plate is amazing and exciting but maybe they can try it if they reeeeeally want might get them eating new or healthier stuff.

As for not knowing they’ve had a wee / poo it’s totally and completely normal at the age of two. Only one of my three kids was out out nappies by their third birthday. Surviving the early years with twins can be really hard but once they’re at nursery and then school life does get easier.

When people mention yogurt, can I ask: do you mean plain, unsweetened natural yogurt or flavoured versions?

If flavoured version then you might want to look at how much sugar (or artificial sweeteners if ‘sugar free’) there are. They are incredibly sweet - no wonder people on these threads always say ‘oh, they’ll eat fruit and yogurt!’

How old are they? They are full of milk so won't eat until you reduce / stop that for only at bedtime .

Hailsafe

I had to laugh at a friend once.

She was horrified that I gave my child a "real" pudding (apple crumble & custard). While her child had a very sugary yoghurt.

I pointed out that my home made crumble in fact had less sugar per portion than the yoghurt!!!

I used to prepare a plate of raw vegetables for mine before I started cooking. They would feel hungry and smell the food cooking so would come in and ask for something. I would say there’s some vegetables there and you can have some but it’s meant for dinner so don’t eat them all. 9/10 times they would have them finished before dinner. It’s only now that they are teenagers that they realise it was a way of getting them to eat vegetables! DD2 still eats her vegetables before anything else!

When people mention yogurt, can I ask: do you mean plain, unsweetened natural yogurt or flavoured versions?

My DC like Greek yoghurt on its own, with a little bit of honey or vanilla, or some chopped fruit. They also like Munch Bunch because no foods are banned foods and all things allowed in moderation is part of a healthy diet.

@gunnersgold

How old are they? They are full of milk so won't eat until you reduce / stop that for only at bedtime .

They're 2 1/4 but they have milk after lunch but way before tea a d at bed

Yoghurts tend to be the suckies ones, generally the kids ones. They will eat plain

Thanks @HarlowHenry, eldest was in day nappies until 5 so again I think it's just pushing buttons seeing DGodd declaring poo and eating strawberries 😂😂 not that her Mom would comment BTW, she now accepts how hard motherhood is 😂😂

I just spent about half an hour making pancakes for my 7yo who wouldn't even try a bite

It is a struggle. Mine is very thin as well and teeters into underweight when she has a growth spurt, so we cannot do the whole "well if you won't eat this, you'll have to go hungry". BUT, we also don't pander to it. If I make a meal, I include things I know she will eat. So even if she doesn't eat the whole thing, I know she will eat some of it.

Also, yes, it's about control, so instead of hammering them over the head saying "I'M IN CONTROL AND YOU WILL EAT WHAT I SAY", try giving them some control. For example, put out dishes of foods and let them serve themselves and then they have some choices.

@DouglasCrood

I just spent about half an hour making pancakes for my 7yo who wouldn't even try a bite

It is a struggle. Mine is very thin as well and teeters into underweight when she has a growth spurt, so we cannot do the whole "well if you won't eat this, you'll have to go hungry". BUT, we also don't pander to it. If I make a meal, I include things I know she will eat. So even if she doesn't eat the whole thing, I know she will eat some of it.

Also, yes, it's about control, so instead of hammering them over the head saying "I'M IN CONTROL AND YOU WILL EAT WHAT I SAY", try giving them some control. For example, put out dishes of foods and let them serve themselves and then they have some choices.

Not that you've suggested hammering them over the head op! But that is often the advice. "It's about control so you need to be tough". I think the opposite is true. It is about control so give them some

Have you tried getting safety knives and letting them chop some of the vegetables? When we did it with my DS, he'd "sneak" bits of the veg to eat while he was cutting them up - some days he'd eat a full portion before we had sat down to eat the meal.

There's a programme on iPlayer at the moment that might be worth a look "Easy Ways to Live Well". The second episode includes helping a family with getting their children to eat a wider range of food. They are mainly focused on helping the oldest child (maybe 10 or 11 years old) but it might give some ideas of things to try.

Don't get too stressed - there are a lot of people who have trouble getting toddlers to eat, and not very many adults with the same issue, which suggests that it is just something that sorts itself out eventually

@SleepingStandingUp if cut the milk down to bedtime only after dinner .. I don't believe they need it at all at that age but just at bedtime is fine . Their tummies are so small . Every single child I've know who won't eat has a lot of milk so isn't hungry enough to try any food . The ratio needs to tip in favour of food IMO

Agree on portion sizes. Look at recommended portions. They are tiny for toddlers. A few bites is their portion.
Your job is to make food. Whether they eat is up to them.
Don’t let them fill up on drinks and don’t offer lots of snacks. If they have a preference dry not wet eg no casserole or gravy then I’d accommodate that or raw veg v cooked.

Yeah I'll try dropping the milk down, they are absolute milk monsters and would live on it if they could. I might start watering it down and wean it that way as its still full bottles of full fat atm.

Do you promise them pudding if they do? no, they get yoghurt regardless

When mine were old enough to understand bribery it was a game changer. You don’t need to do it forever - they eventually learn to like a new variety of food. They don’t have to eat everything, but I’ll say ‘three spoons of this’ and ‘at least try some of this, if you don’t like it that’s fine, but try first.’ If they get yoghurt regardless then there’s no incentive to try the rest. I wouldn’t send my kids to bed without food or anything - but I’d wait half an hour before offering them toast or yoghurt if they didn’t eat any of their tea. I think getting something else straight after refusing to try any other food sends the wrong message.