Won't eat. I've broken my toddlers.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Gah.

Hating myself right now. Toddlers are such shitty eaters and it's all my fault.

Today they've had some toast for breakfast, bit of fruit toast for lunch, mainly licking the cheese pancakes and spitting them out for tea.

If course they'd eat chocolate or cake or anything like that, but that's not the point is it.

They won't even eat frigging baked beans, the last bastion of anyone desperate to say their kid eats a vegetable.

They have milk at nap and bed time and I feel like that's the only decent nutrients they get and even then it's only cows milk.

Used to eat pasta great but have started leaving that too.

Yoghurt is fine

I'm going to end up with malnourished children who have life long issues with food and I don't know how to fix it.

It's totally normal - I really wouldn't worry. Just offer 3 meals a day of things you know they like . No snacks. No sweet stuff (no sweet yogurt either). You can encourage them to try things but no particular reaction if they don't. Mine like dips so having some plain yogurt, olive oil or gravy helps get them started.

If they are really hungry between meals give something boring like plain bread or a Carr's cracker.

We serve our vegetables first some nights - we all eat more veg if we are hungry, it seems to taste much nicer!

I totally empathise with what you are feeling and I do think a lot of parents go through similar at one time or another. There has been some good advice on this thread and it certainly echos advice I have researched. What it doesn't take into account however is the weight of your child which in our case is very low (born with IUGR so under the 0.4th centile). He actually eats quite a range of things but in tiny amounts and has never had any real interest in food (he's 3.5). I do end up negotiating and pandering etc because I can't really let him go without food because of his size. That doesn't fit with the hard line some posters will recommend (they won't starve themselves etc).I am really hoping it will get better with age and he will turn into a ravenous teen, but I totally get how all consuming it can be at the time when you just want to do what's right for them and get them to eat... something! Sounds like you are doing a good job though and hopefully it will be a phase that will pass.

I remember that well, my kids drove me crazy. They changed their minds daily about what they liked. Now I put out a big plate of stuff like carrots, peppers, cucumber, cauliflower, crackers, bread sticks, cheese cubes, baby corn etc with hummus, plain yogurt, ketchup and anything else they can dip in. Then they all get their own plate with their meat or pasta and they build their own plate of food. It works well and they all find something they like.

You are not unreasonable to worry but you could be describing my son at that age. He ate cheese. And toast. Then Tesco Value pizza and cereal and lots of milk. By the time he reached junior school he would eat chicken nuggets and that was about it. However he was ridiculously healthy, very strong and full of energy.

Towards the end of secondary school he started going out with friends whose idea of a good night out was dinner at a local restaurant and he started to eat burger and chips. Now he is in his 20's and married and is a complete foodie! He likes to be in control of the food he has - when he comes to visit he takes over the kitchen and does all the cooking.

It was frustrating, a huge cause of stress and anxiety, and I never thought he would ever eat like a normal human but it happened.

Read up on the Division of Responsibility approach to children and food. It takes away all the stress. Genuinely life changing

I’m in this boat too. My son has suddenly gone off any and all fruit unless it’s in a yoghurt or smoothie. I’m giving it to him every day but he just won’t even pick it up. I’m trying the technique of just letting him get on with it but it’s been a few months and he’s still doing it.

It's just a life phase OP, countless toddlers do exactly the same but no-one wants to admit it. There's not a 7 yr old around who doesn't eat way more than that, and no kid on earth who wouldn't lunge for the sugary stuff, it's how the brain works. Just wait for the phase to pass. It feels like the whole world now but you'll laugh about it in the future.

If there's any issue you can make sure you give them kids multivitamins every day.

Totally normal. My DS is incredibly skilled at avoiding vegetables. The other day he had veggie risotto for lunch and managed to only eat rice by eating a grain at a time. I just roll my eyes a lot. It's the only thing he can control though so whatever floats his boat. I try to get some nutrients in him when I can but I try not to stress at all.

My daughter is almost 2 and she is the same. But I'm trying not to react or make a big deal of it. We made pizza together this evening. I bought a premade base and added tomato puzza sauce (which I had sneakily blended some veg into) she put on all the cheese and toppings mushroom, tomatos, Peppers, Basil.... of course she picked off all the veg before eating it but I guess it's good exposure that she was OK touching and licking the toppings even if she didn't eat it all.

Have a look at Kids Eat in Color on Instagram. Great tips there.

But also drop the milk. They don’t need it at this age and it’ll be filling them up.

@FujiSakura

I totally empathise with what you are feeling and I do think a lot of parents go through similar at one time or another. There has been some good advice on this thread and it certainly echos advice I have researched. What it doesn't take into account however is the weight of your child which in our case is very low (born with IUGR so under the 0.4th centile). He actually eats quite a range of things but in tiny amounts and has never had any real interest in food (he's 3.5). I do end up negotiating and pandering etc because I can't really let him go without food because of his size. That doesn't fit with the hard line some posters will recommend (they won't starve themselves etc).I am really hoping it will get better with age and he will turn into a ravenous teen, but I totally get how all consuming it can be at the time when you just want to do what's right for them and get them to eat... something! Sounds like you are doing a good job though and hopefully it will be a phase that will pass.

I don't agree with the "they won't starve themselves" and offering the same food again and again. I would have to be properly concentration camp starving myself before I would eat any kind of cooked brassica and there would be a fair chance that it wouldn't stay down.

OP, toddlers are generally shitty eaters. They're naturally neophobic when it comes to food (meaning they hate new stuff). It's not your fault. There's a book called How To Get Your Kid to Eat by Ellyn Satter. Buy it now, read it, and don't worry. Your kids will be fine.
The more you try to push them to eat certain foods the more they will resist, so don't do it. Present them with healthy tasty choices plus staples you know they'll eat (bread, carbs etc) and leave the rest up to them. Don't make mealtimes a battleground.

Totally agree with @SuperSocks

Don't make a drama - they eat or they don't eat. You're in charge of what you put on the table / plate. They are in charge of what they eat.

If they don't eat, don't stress - they will eat at the next meal. Just don't pander to them or offer different things, they will soon get with the programme - especially when they see you are relaxed and not forcing / getting upset.

It will figure itself out - you're a good mum!

Starve them into submission was what I was told by my HV.

So offer them a healthy breakfast. When they say their hungry, it comes back out (obviously if they left it). Then next meal time, a good lunch, lots of options. So say half a sandwich, cucumber, cheese pieces, houmous, a couple of mini breadsticks, some grapes, a yoghurt. Anything not eaten comes out again for afternoon snack. Then again, dinner, healthy balanced option. No dessert.

Same the next day etc etc.

It won’t take long.

Why on earth do you think it’s your fault?! Toddlers are hardly known for having varied adventurous palettes!

I followed all that advice when weaning at six months about how to ensure your child isn’t a fussy eater. And he wasn’t a fussy eater. He’d eat anything. Broccoli. Spinach. Prawns. Olives (chopped up of course). Fish. How I patted myself on the back. What a superb parent I was. Watch and learn everyone!

Then he turned two. And it turns out I wasn’t such a superb parent after all. I just didn’t have a toddler yet. Overnight he started picking anything green out of his food/off his plate and throwing it on the floor yelling ‘yucky!’

Has anyone ever tried anything completely different, eg offering very flavourful foods instead of the normal bland stuff? With spices and so on. I sometimes think that bland food must be off putting for some kids if it comes with a weird texture too, eg potato. I know that we think of kids as having very sensitive tastebuds but maybe this doesn’t work quite as we think? Just a thought really, I wonder how people in different cultures with different cuisines get on.

Add abidec drops to their milk and buy vitamin gummy bears. That way at least they aren't vitamin deficient.

Put food from each food group in pots on the table and let them choose what to have. Tell them what different foods do for them - give them healthy bones, eyes, teeth, hair, muscles, skin etc, makes them strong, gives them energy and let them choose. As PP have said, it's a bit of a power struggle at that age.

@SomePosters

Stop pandering to it. This is about control not food.

Put a healthy diet in front of them. Bear in mind they eat a healthy diet over a year not a plate.

Do not negotiate or engage, just eat your own food and chat about the day. Clear away after 15 mins

Keep their plates until the next meal is served and offer it back they say they are hungry

Do not pull out snacks between meals.

They won’t starve themselves but they will kick off!

Weather it or it will just get worse!

When my kids was weaning I did a lot of reading on the subject of eating disorders and reverse engineered my strategy based on how therapists help kids with issues.

Exactly this. Crucially, no snacks.

@samsalmon we did baby led weaning so my toddler has always largely eaten what we do. He's all about the chipotle chili, curries and other strong flavours, and happily eats his body weight in olives and sashimi, but has zero interest in bland foods like potato. I pretty much add a touch of chili and spice to everything then he's far more likely to eat it weirdly.

@samsalmon

Has anyone ever tried anything completely different, eg offering very flavourful foods instead of the normal bland stuff? With spices and so on. I sometimes think that bland food must be off putting for some kids if it comes with a weird texture too, eg potato. I know that we think of kids as having very sensitive tastebuds but maybe this doesn’t work quite as we think? Just a thought really, I wonder how people in different cultures with different cuisines get on.

I think we give kids food that is far too bland personally. Why are we expecting them to like something that’s not even tasty?

Mine had curries, spices, casseroles and herby fish cakes etc from quite young and they are all pretty good eaters now. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

Mine is mostly existing off fruit, weetabix, crackers, and occasionally beans. I basically give him a multivitamin and hope for the best!

He'll eat a chicken roast dinner, pasta, sausages and mash and various green veg at nursery though as everyone else is. Funny that.

[quote Okeydoky]@samsalmon we did baby led weaning so my toddler has always largely eaten what we do. He's all about the chipotle chili, curries and other strong flavours, and happily eats his body weight in olives and sashimi, but has zero interest in bland foods like potato. I pretty much add a touch of chili and spice to everything then he's far more likely to eat it weirdly.[/quote]
That’s interesting! I have known some kids who had the reputation of being fussy, later go on to eat that kind of food very very happily. Like they crave the flavour.

@Chasingaftermidnight

Why on earth do you think it’s your fault?! Toddlers are hardly known for having varied adventurous palettes!

I followed all that advice when weaning at six months about how to ensure your child isn’t a fussy eater. And he wasn’t a fussy eater. He’d eat anything. Broccoli. Spinach. Prawns. Olives (chopped up of course). Fish. How I patted myself on the back. What a superb parent I was. Watch and learn everyone!

Then he turned two. And it turns out I wasn’t such a superb parent after all. I just didn’t have a toddler yet. Overnight he started picking anything green out of his food/off his plate and throwing it on the floor yelling ‘yucky!’

Haha, this is very familiar. IMO it’s what happens at this stage that’s important, not the initial weaning. And yet all the advice focuses on first foods and weaning, not what to do when your toddler suddenly regresses into not liking anything.

That’s the time to not make a fuss, give them plenty of choices on their plate and, crucially, NOT increase snacks! I know so many parents who have ballsed it up at that stage because they’re worried their child is hungry so they give them more snacks. And round and round it goes until they’ll hardly eat anything at mealtimes.

This is really normal OP. I have three teen DC, all great eaters, and they all went through a fussy stage as toddlers.

Totally agree with not making a drama out of it. Serve good healthy food and act as if you don't care whether they eat it or not.

Check out Kids eat in Color on Instagram!