3 yo forty minutes of screaming and shouting and crying

[pandarific]

Forty. Minutes. I have used my calm nice mum voice, I have explained why no, we cannot do what he wants to do. I have suggested other things. I had a baby crawling around too and a cold (from him).

Got: ‘I’m the leader, I say no, I’m in charge, not you, you are naughty, I say yes!!!’ Coupled with screeeeeeaming and crying.

I am so over it. So over it. He’s being such a nightmare at the moment.

At what age does this stop? My NCT group’s kids seem to be phasing out of the toddler tantrums, but mine is the only one who will keep going and going and going and -

Fully hate my life this morning. Please be nice to me.

How old is your new baby? My two-year-old had some truly epic tantrums (up to 1hr40min) when his younger brother came onto the scene, even though he was excited about the new baby and very loving towards him. Sometimes the emotions just got too big. Now the baby is 9 months old and DC2 hasn’t had a tantrum in a few weeks. The ones he’s had have only lasted about 5 minutes. I haven’t changed anything in my parenting, I think he’s just less stressed out by a “new family order”.

All this to say - hang in there, because this may resolve by itself pretty soon. (Fingers crossed!)

@pandarific - OK, so for me that wouldn't need a no, because it's reasonable for him to have a trip out at some point in the day so I'd let him know when it's coming up so he can be excited instead of frustrated. Kids do tend to get a bit frustrated if they don't have much outdoors time, it's worth trying to build some into the day.
What if you'd said he can do it, but first the baby has to finish playing and then you'll get dressed. Can he help get XYZ ready in your bag so everyone is ready faster, then can he distract the baby with ribbons so you can shower faster etc. Ultimately he gets the scooter ride, baby gets exercise and a nap while you walk, you get showered, one happy team. Maybe lunch first, or make up a picnic together, whatever.
If it was really too wet to go out then I wouldn't fob off about getting dressed, I'd sympathise the weather was bad and we'll do something as soon as it's better. For today he can scooter in the hall, or how about an obstacle course, or put on waterproofs to jump in puddles...

What works with mine is definitely not hugging! Or distracting! But agreeing: “Yes, this is really horrible and tough, isn’t it? You’re having a hard time. But it won’t always be like this and after the angry, we can [calm activity].”

I use a similar tactic with disgruntled customers and it works well. 😆

I think it depends on the child - my 4 year old loves a hug when upset but my 2 year old LOOSES it and kicks/pushes you away if you try, so we leave her be and she calms down and comes over for a hug when ready

Solidarity, my four year old screamed and carried on all the way to the shops and back today because he didn't want to walk

Baby is nearly a year.

Honestly I had no intention of rushing off to get dressed and take him out, I was just killing time until dh got back from getting a haircut. The place was a tip, I had both children on my own (as I did all yesterday), I have a cold and it’s Saturday, it’s meant to be (ha ha) a chill day.

I’m going to stop posting now but this has been useful, thank you. Also, I fucking hate parenting. I assume when they’re in school it gets better?

He obviously was going to go out later and does almost every day - this was at half 9 this morning.

Been there.

I assume when they’re in school it gets better?
School nursery from 3 if you can put him in. They come back shattered, just stuff with food and pour into bed. You'll get sentimental about when you had all that time just watching him on a scooter.

@pandarific

it’s like a battle of wills though rather than sad - he’s furious that he’s not getting what he’s wanting.

I will try the hug thing first. If that doesn’t work I will try the minimise engagement, but - how? He follows me around from room to room screeeeaming and crying. I go out of room, shut door, he follows, screaming.

He started carrying on in the park last week and his little friend (same age) told their mummy he was annoying him. Yep, and me, and everyone in a mile radius probably.

Just ignore ignore ignore. You have to be strong! He will stop (or it won't go on as long) when he realises he gets no reaction. Continuing to engage is just feeding the beast. Then plenty of attention when he is behaving well.

Yes, school has been brilliant for dd!

You are a hero for lasting 40 mins!! When mine was same age she had about 10 mins then id put her in the bath / sea / pool. Water always calmed her down.

@pandarific & @Squiffy01 I’m so sorry, your frustration really comes across but tantrums are a phase generally, it will pass. I’ve no real advice, I’m sure I must’ve been through similar with my DC when they were little, I think I’ve blocked it out. Sending

I assume when they’re in school it gets better?

It does. Until they catch every cold going and bring it home to you, DH and their younger sibling. Such fun. I love mine really, but sometimes those early years were hard.

@pandarific

Baby is nearly a year.

Honestly I had no intention of rushing off to get dressed and take him out, I was just killing time until dh got back from getting a haircut. The place was a tip, I had both children on my own (as I did all yesterday), I have a cold and it’s Saturday, it’s meant to be (ha ha) a chill day.

I’m going to stop posting now but this has been useful, thank you. Also, I fucking hate parenting. I assume when they’re in school it gets better?

That’s if you send him to school

I home educate my children. So we’re together all the time. I found school so difficult. The tantrums in our house got 1000% times worse with school.