To have a day out with one child and get someone to look after the other?

[mnetting]

I am in two minds about this but I have a 6yo dd who is really well behaved and easy going and a 4yo dd who is very hard work and challenging so days out are always trying with the younger one with her strong will and unwillingness to cooperate ever.
I would like to take dd1 for a day out just me and her as I feel we have an amazing bond but dd2 being such hard work and takes all our attention.
We could have a day out while my dh looks after our youngest one sat/sun but then I think could I do that when we should all go as a family?
WIBU to just take one dd?
My dh thinks that's cruel and unkind but I can't help thinking I'd love to spend time with dd1 without it being overshadowed by dd2 who we suspect is neurodiverse. I'm a SAHM and have both FT so it would partly be a break for me but also for dd1 to enjoy a day where she gets my full attention.

Of course it is ok. Take one of them on a special day out one week and the other the next. They will both love having that one on one time. Your husband could take the other one out so you both get special days out with both girls.

It sounds lovely, I'd just make sure to do something with youngest DD on her own as well at some point.

Your dh is unusual but he's probably not going to change. So arrange a babysitter or friend etc. But spent time with your kids.

@Johnnypiratesfriend

Your dh is unusual but he's probably not going to change. So arrange a babysitter or friend etc. But spent time with your kids.

Unusual? He’s an arse

Of course it’s OK! You absolutely should do it. All kids deserve their parents undivided attention sometimes. I had one on one time with both of mine during half term - leaving the other one with their Dad - and it was absolutely lovely.

Haven’t RTFT so apologies if I’m repeating.

I think 1-1 time with each child is really important so go for it. Just make it equal. Having 1-1 time with the DC that you find more challenging could help with the situation too. You can get to know her better which makes that throw more light on how she ticks and what might help.

Sorry. Your husband, their father won't look after one of his children??????

Let alone both at the same time . I assume that you never get a break.

You need to tell , not ask.him that next weekend you are both going to have some one to one time with your daughters . You are each going to take a daughter out for the day.

Then next weekend you swop and take the other daughter out each

I also can’t work out how your weekends run If you don’t do 1:1 time. Just thinking about our own this weekend.

Sat Am: parent A took child 1 to activities and then went shopping. Parent B took child 2 to a swimming lesson
Sun pm: parent B took child 1 to a party while parent A took child 2 to the garden centre for a potter and cafe trip.

In a few weeks, I’m taking my eldest to an exhibition on a topic she’d be interested in. No point taking the younger one so she’ll have a day at home.

Yep you have a husband issue

There is nothing wrong with this at all. Both should benefit from one to one time. I have older children and yesterday DS had a lovely day at my parents while DH and I did DDs birthday

Next week DD and I are going to see Mary Poppins with my best friend and one of her DS because those two want to see it and the other two don’t

Your issue is that your husband won’t help

What happens when one child is invited to a party? Will he look after the other child?

Or has he literally never done any childcare

YANBU.

If the other kid gets a 1-1 day out too.

I have a shit load of kids and every month one of them gets a Saturday just with me, it's a real (expensive) treat for them

Yes that's fine to do. Dd2 then gets some 1:1 time with her father. I assume as you're at home with her in the week you do won't together just the 2 of you so I don't think you need to schedule specific weekend days out with her too. Some time with just her dad sounds more rare although Dd1 might appreciate this sometimes too

Sorry, I see dh has refused. I'd ask someone else , a friend or family member, that's what I thought you meant going on the title of your post anyway. How ridiculous of your husband to refuse to spend some time with his own child and to dictate what you can and can't do like that.

I think it's a great idea to spend 121 time with each of your children from time to time. So enjoy your day with your eldest, and then plan a 121 trip with your younger daughter, or maybe do that first so that she feels special and perhaps it may even improve your bond with her and her behaviour

My dh thinks that's cruel and unkind

Why?
Surely that depends on what he’s going to do with the younger child on this day, doesn’t it?! Does he think he’s going to provide a really shit experience for them?!

@mnetting

After reading these I thought I'd go for it and asked dh if he'd mind me taking dd1 out for a while tomorrow and he said "no! You have 2 children. I guess that's that then, unless I ask someone else.

@mnetting Ok you really have a husband problem. Does he see them as "your" children? Why are you asking him to babysit like it's a favour to you? They are his kids too so he should be parenting. Personally I'd change my plan for this weekend and go out on my own with a friend, and TELL him he is responsible for the children for the day.

I think it's fine to take DD1 out on her own. It may be a good idea if she also gets a fun day out with her dad. It is awful if family days out are always dictated by one badly behaved family member.

But it would be fair to have one-on-one time with DD2 as well.