Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a day out with one child and get someone to look after the other?

92 replies

mnetting · 04/03/2022 18:48

I am in two minds about this but I have a 6yo dd who is really well behaved and easy going and a 4yo dd who is very hard work and challenging so days out are always trying with the younger one with her strong will and unwillingness to cooperate ever.
I would like to take dd1 for a day out just me and her as I feel we have an amazing bond but dd2 being such hard work and takes all our attention.
We could have a day out while my dh looks after our youngest one sat/sun but then I think could I do that when we should all go as a family?
WIBU to just take one dd?
My dh thinks that's cruel and unkind but I can't help thinking I'd love to spend time with dd1 without it being overshadowed by dd2 who we suspect is neurodiverse. I'm a SAHM and have both FT so it would partly be a break for me but also for dd1 to enjoy a day where she gets my full attention.

OP posts:
DockOTheBay · 04/03/2022 19:24

YANBu but I would arrange to have a special day with the youngest at another time too, so that its fair.

WTF475878237NC · 04/03/2022 19:26

I think it's fine. The youngest has loads of 1:1 time already.

Original poster
mnetting · 04/03/2022 19:28

After reading these I thought I'd go for it and asked dh if he'd mind me taking dd1 out for a while tomorrow and he said "no! You have 2 children. I guess that's that then, unless I ask someone else.

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 04/03/2022 19:29

Isn't this just a normal thing to do? Surely most families do this. There are 20 months between my two (older teens now) but we were always doing 1:1 things including weekends away when they were younger.

I do find your comment about having an amazing bond with DD1 while moaning about how much hard work your younger DD a bit off but hopefully you'll get closer to DD2 as she gets older

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 04/03/2022 19:31

@mnetting

After reading these I thought I'd go for it and asked dh if he'd mind me taking dd1 out for a while tomorrow and he said "no! You have 2 children. I guess that's that then, unless I ask someone else.
You made the mistake of asking! Tell him you're taking DD1 to the cinema/zoo or whatever for the day and you'll see them when you get back. There's nothing wrong with 1:1 time at all. Your DH is being really unfair on your older DD
girlmom21 · 04/03/2022 19:31

Does he ever look after them alone?

Neenawneenaw76 · 04/03/2022 19:33

Of course it's fine, over the years you'll want to spend one on one time with both xx

duvetdayforeveryone · 04/03/2022 19:35

@mnetting Nothing wrong with that at all! I already do that.

I have 2 children who are completely different. For this reason, once a month I take DS1 out and leave DS2 with DH, and once a month I take DS2 out and leave DS1 with DH.
DS1 loves to go to either a museum or the zoo. DS2 loves to eat at a restaurant, then go for a walk around the shops.

I also love having the 1:1 time with each child :)

Original poster
mnetting · 04/03/2022 19:35

He does if I go food shopping but they're usually asleep. I think because he works long hours he likes us to have time together as a family at weekends which I get, but I wasn't expecting a flat no just then.

OP posts:
Devo1818 · 04/03/2022 19:35

I've done this with both my kids. Me and DH sometimes take one each. It's great to have a bit on one on one time.

gunnersgold · 04/03/2022 19:36

It's fine , my son has sn and I have days out separately with both children to give them attention! It's not cruel at all , please take care of your dd's mental health. It's hard having a sibling with any Sen .

girlmom21 · 04/03/2022 19:36

Your DH is being a bit strange. What would he say if DD1 gets invited to a classmates party? Can you take her alone then?

He just doesn't want to look after the child...

LadyMacduff · 04/03/2022 19:40

Your husband's response is odd. He also has two children.

I take my eldest out to places on his own because my youngest is a toddler and wouldn't cope well with the cinema or a railway museum. It's not fair for the eldest to always be held back and miss out on things because it always has to revolve around the youngest.

Okaaaay · 04/03/2022 19:40

Not unreasonable at all. I have a similar situation and do take time with the older, easier one. I do this when they need it (and don’t always do the same for the smaller one - they will get the same love and attention but don’t always need the 1:1 time at the same time if that makes sense). Having said that, last week I had time independently with both and it was a joy. The younger, more challenging one was very different with my full attention.

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 04/03/2022 19:40

Does your dh think that nobody should ever do anything separately? Does he never go out with friends without you? Because he has a wife and kids now so surely that should stop and he should only ever do full family stuff. Should you also home educate dd1? Or sprigs you sit at home with dd2 and neither of you move a muscle until dd1 is back from school?

Doing stuff separately is normal, clearly he needs to get it into his head that his dds are individuals with individual interests and needs.

I have 3dc. On inset days if I can manage the day off we love the novelty of a day out without siblings. Most Sundays I take 2 of them to the beach and we swim and body board which is dc3's idea of a nightmare. I've taken them individually to gigs for artists they like, even better if we go out for dinner first!

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 04/03/2022 19:41

We do this all the time! Divide and conquer

PeacefulPrune · 04/03/2022 19:43

I love spending one to one time with both my kids.

I agree with above as long as you do it with both I think it's a great idea.

DoorWasAJar · 04/03/2022 19:43

You are responsible for the bond with your other DD. Not her. You need to improve it. Otherwise she will be forevermore the scapegoat child and your other DD the golden child. She will remember being treated less favourably and she won’t thank you for it.

PinkSyCo · 04/03/2022 19:46

It sounds more like your DH doesn’t want to be left alone with a child more than anything else. You could test this by saying that to make it fair you will take your younger DD out alone next weekend.

caringcarer · 04/03/2022 19:52

Taking a child out for some 1-1 time is great. Make sure both DC get equal number of 1-1 days though.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 04/03/2022 19:55

I do this all the time and it would never have occurred to me to feel guilty about it! I bring DD1 skating by herself every Saturday and then we often spend some time at the park together, while DH looks after her younger brothers. Yesterday I left DC3 with our nanny and took DC2 out for a hot chocolate at a nice cafe in the neighbourhood. It’s wonderful to be able to bond one on one.

OnTopOfThePiano · 04/03/2022 19:56

Your dh sounds vile
He also had two children….

Original poster
mnetting · 04/03/2022 20:02

I have a lovely bond with both dd in fact dd1 although a handful is just like me, we are very close, I didn't mean for it to sound otherwise but dd2 is naturally quiet and well behaved and I feel like she would benefit from the experience of a day out without dd2 who does take most of our energy.

OP posts:
Rickrollme · 04/03/2022 20:03

Why can’t your DH take the younger one out somewhere equally special but appropriate and fun for her? Don’t think of it as DD2 being left behind, they would both get a nice day and one-on-one parent time. Another time you can swap. There are two weekend days a week, plenty of time for family togetherness and separate days out. Your DH is lazy and selfish if he always wants you to take them both.

Fayekrista · 04/03/2022 20:12

I have a 13 Yr old boy & a 6 month old boy.... yes huge age gap.... lol
At least once a month I try to have a day/eve just me & the teenager (whilst he still wants to be around his mum!)
I think its really important as obviously the baby takes up most of my time day to day.

Swipe left for the next trending thread