Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a day out with one child and get someone to look after the other?

92 replies

mnetting · 04/03/2022 18:48

I am in two minds about this but I have a 6yo dd who is really well behaved and easy going and a 4yo dd who is very hard work and challenging so days out are always trying with the younger one with her strong will and unwillingness to cooperate ever.
I would like to take dd1 for a day out just me and her as I feel we have an amazing bond but dd2 being such hard work and takes all our attention.
We could have a day out while my dh looks after our youngest one sat/sun but then I think could I do that when we should all go as a family?
WIBU to just take one dd?
My dh thinks that's cruel and unkind but I can't help thinking I'd love to spend time with dd1 without it being overshadowed by dd2 who we suspect is neurodiverse. I'm a SAHM and have both FT so it would partly be a break for me but also for dd1 to enjoy a day where she gets my full attention.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 04/03/2022 18:50

I think it is fine if you are also going to have a day out with just you and your youngest as well.

If not it would be very favouritist.

cadburyegg · 04/03/2022 18:51

YANBU at all. I'm a single parent so as you can imagine my 1:1 time with either child is valuable. I do manage to take my 7 year old for a day out without his 4 year old brother a couple of times a year and it's fab. Your DH is being ridiculous to say it's cruel

Lastqueenofscotland · 04/03/2022 18:51

@Stompythedinosaur

I think it is fine if you are also going to have a day out with just you and your youngest as well.

If not it would be very favouritist.

Yep agree with this!
sadpapercourtesan · 04/03/2022 18:53

Maybe the bond with DD2 needs working on more? Just a thought.

I don't think there is anything wrong with taking your children out one at a time occasionally, and you're wise to see that DD1 being quieter and less demanding does need you to make a space just for her sometimes. But if your bond with her is already amazing, and you find DD2 more difficult, then I'd make sure you spend individual time with her as well.

Ilovechocolatetoomuch · 04/03/2022 18:53

I take my older DS out sometimes. He is 8 and my younger DS is 3. We have been to London to the theatre a few times. My younger DS has a special day out with DH. I will often buy my younger DS a little treat as well.

Sprogonthetyne · 04/03/2022 18:54

Could you take DD1 somewhere while DH takes DD2 somewhere different, then the next weekend swap so you both get 1:1 time with each child? You could do that one weekend day, then something as a whole family the other.

Original poster
mnetting · 04/03/2022 18:54

I understand that, dd1 isn't at school yet so it's me and her all day until dd2 finishes school so we go out then.

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 04/03/2022 18:54

I have 3 kids. I sometimes do something just with 1. It's great to focus on one 100%.I used to regularly take my daughter to an art club. I've taken my eldest to London a couple of times to shows, and my daughter. In fact I think it may be the youngest turn.....

We do things as a family too. But we aren't joined at the hip, nor do we all have the same interests, so it's normal to separate.

Can your husband make it special for the youngest? Take him to swimming or soft play or something?

BendingSpoons · 04/03/2022 18:56

One weekend you could take DD1 somewhere she likes and DH can take DD2 somewhere she wants to go. Then another weekend swap over.

You say 'get someone to look after the other' referring to DH. Is he not keen to do the looking after? It would seem normal to me for DH to look after one child if I was taking the other child somewhere.

Justwalkyourfineassoutthedoor · 04/03/2022 18:56

YANBU. I regularly take one of our three children out on their own for days out so they have my full attention and we can do an activity they will enjoy. As long as you take your other DD on her own day out just the two of you as well then it’s totally fine.

Esspee · 04/03/2022 18:57

It is not cruel. It's a chance to bond with your older child by having a great day out together and your husband gets to spend 1:1 time with your younger child.
I assume that the next time you do this there will be a reversal with the older child having a day with dad and the younger with you.

PiperPosey · 04/03/2022 18:58

I have 2 daughters as well...just as you described.
Each one would get THEIR special time with me.
I agree with others as long as you take the other one out for a day it would be a great idea.
One liked a movie and lunch.
One liked to go to the zoo.
We always had a great bonding 1-1....

PiperPosey · 04/03/2022 18:59

Make sure that they are scheduled close together...not too much time in between.

FavouriteGame · 04/03/2022 19:00

We do this all the time. I don't see the problem at all. Both of us parents like having 1:1 time with either child. I think it's really good for them too, I've had some really good chats on our solo days out.

Also, the kids like different things so it makes sense from that perspective.

YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj · 04/03/2022 19:03

Of course all children need one on one time with their parent. It's unkind and cruel to not give each child quality one on one time.

BogRollBOGOF · 04/03/2022 19:03

YANBU

In the summer holidays, I do a few days of booking DS2 in at sports club which makes him very happy and have a 1:1 day with DS1 whose idea of hell involves a sports club (he's ND)
Both think they've got a good deal.

DS1 gets to choose what we do on a modest budget in-line with the cost of the sports club.

Sometimes fairness is not treating both children identically, but differences should be of equal value to them.

LikeALeadBalloon · 04/03/2022 19:08

It's not cruel or unkind at all especially since you spend every week day doing one to one things with your youngest. If you gest was at school I would also suggest a similar day for you and youngest but that isn't necessary.

As another poster has picked up on, I suspect your dh is against it as he is worried he'd be looking after your youngest alone. It's strange to say 'get someone to look after' your youngest when it would be her dad who you live with. Does he normally opt out of this at the weekend?

Whatafustercluck · 04/03/2022 19:08

Yanbu. We have the same (bigger age gap though) with youngest hard work. We do swapsies with the dc so each of us gets some one to one time with each of them, but we do also have occasional evenings/ days out with eldest.

11stonesomething · 04/03/2022 19:09

This reply has been deleted

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Chloemol · 04/03/2022 19:09

It’s fine. But also try doing some one on one with your youngest

Neolara · 04/03/2022 19:12

I used to do "Special Mummy Time" one on one with my 3 DCs when they were little. They absolutely loved it because it was so rare. I would definitely do it, but I would also arrange SMT for your youngest as well. They would probably also love it.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 04/03/2022 19:17

Absolutely fine so long as you do the same for dd2.

RandomUsernameHere · 04/03/2022 19:17

Of course it's fine. I think it's important to have one to one time with each DC. Get your DH to do something nice with your youngest at the same time, then next time swap round.

deerison · 04/03/2022 19:17

I think it's fine too, just needs to be billed to the kids as one on one time with mummy and daddy, rather than time for the elder daughter without the younger one around.

PinkSyCo · 04/03/2022 19:23

YANBU at all OP. Your older child deserves some quality time with her mum. Why can’t your DH do something nice with your younger DD to make it less ‘cruel and unkind’ on her.

Swipe left for the next trending thread