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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to pay childminders travel expenses

310 replies

AdviceNeeded367 · 04/03/2022 16:22

Last summer, Childminder asked for an extra £10 per week to help pay for activities while she has DS.

In December, she demanded a 27% payrise.

Today she has demanded a 45p per mile travel expense.

AIBU to tell her a flat No?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 04/03/2022 17:09

But she isnt asking for a rise on the pay - which was to a realistic hourly rate

Now she wants to have help paying for the petrol I think you need to otherwise she may well walk away.

Does she cover food etc for him when he is there?

BeHappy91818 · 04/03/2022 17:09

You are underpaying her massively!!

RedWingBoots · 04/03/2022 17:09

@Sally872

Difficulty is can you get the same service for the price you want to pay? If not you are risking losing the place. I don't know any childminders that drive 20 miles to collect so it is an awkward one. Unfortunately you may need to accept it.
She is a nanny or baby sitter not a childminder.
QforCucumber · 04/03/2022 17:10

Do you deduct tax and national insurance from the payment? Do you have a pension scheme set up and a PAYE scheme? If not you’re not paying her as an employee.

AskingforaBaskin · 04/03/2022 17:10

@AdviceNeeded367

The care is not every weekend, just for respite care. She has been very kind to DS and I really appreciate her having him for me so I can get a break.

I was just very surprised today to get a message asking for a fuel allowance when it was only a couple of months ago that she increased her hourly rate in order to cover all of her costs. She calculated that an overall cost of £310 per weekend would cover expenses and her hourly rate. Just now, obviously the cost of living has continued to increase and she’s asked for another rise which I was not expecting and do not want to pay.

Then accept that there is no more respite care.

Whatever your situation is you do not have the right to exploit someone else.

Sirzy · 04/03/2022 17:10

It doesn’t matter how often it is. Your not paying her fairly for what she is doing.

Your choice seems simple - pay more or have no respite.

narkyspirit · 04/03/2022 17:11

Given that you don't drive and she is running her car for your benefit as a 'employee' you should defiantly be paying mileage the alternative is you supply a fully funded vehicle for her to use.

her hourly rate is appallingly low for looking after SEN child.

I am self employed and would have travelled 20/30 miles to the job and covered it on my rate, however insurances and fuel have increased quite dramatically recently and now I charge mileage which I have added on to invoices with a small note explaining why, not a single client haas queried the cost.

RedWingBoots · 04/03/2022 17:12

@Aimzxo

I think it depends on the child minder, my child minder doesn't charge for petrol, she doesn't even charge for activities any activities she takes the children on she pays for out of her own pocket, I'd be happy to pay her I even offered to but she wouldn't accept, I pay 2 pound for a hot dinner or I can send a pack lunch, I guess each child minder has their own rules, I'd be abit irked but I suppose the only option you have is to use a different child minder, mine also hasn't raised her fees in 2 years, unless mine is a rare lovely breed lol xz
She is a nanny or baby sitter not a childminder.

So while I don't pay my childminder for any activities she takes my child to, I am happy to pay my baby sitters this whether I'm paying them or not.

Cottonfrenzie · 04/03/2022 17:13

£310 to look after your son for a day and a half, two overnights...feed him, entertain him and petrol. That's really not bad at all. I certainly would not be willing to do that for the payment rate.

I don't think you release how good a deal you have. An overnight babysitter costs a fortune. From what you've said your son is very happy with her, so it's best to keep her happy too.

Your original price was really awfully low for the hours so I can see why she asked for more. 27% increase sounds awful - but once you see the starting rate you can see why she asked for so much more.

Her petrol rate is reasonable. I would just pay.

I agree with pp that your posts make it sound like you are doing her a favour - I'm sure she does need the money - but don't you also need her?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 04/03/2022 17:13

If you don't want to pay it, you give up the respite care. The childminder is definitely not unreasonable to ask. You don't take your son to her, you expect her to pick him up so you can contribute to those costs.

Rogue1001MNer · 04/03/2022 17:13

Does she care for him in the week as well? Or just weekends? Is it every weekend?

CoastalWave · 04/03/2022 17:13

Why have you got someone who lives so far away? Surely there's an option within a couple of miles of your home.

TellMeMoreHellebore · 04/03/2022 17:13

i'd say go on the SEN boards and ask the parents there how easy it is to get respite care for weekends

then re-evaluate

Cottonfrenzie · 04/03/2022 17:14

*realise

TeeBee · 04/03/2022 17:14

The thing is petrol, food, fuel and living costs have gone up extortionately since December and will continue to rocket. I don't think her request is unreasonable, however difficult it is to swallow. I'm paying all my staff much higher wages this year because otherwise they will be struggling. I guess you have to decide whether the service she offers is worth the additional money. Sounds like she is offering you what you want/need. Is it worth agreeing but discussing holding those values for the next year/two years? So at least the uncertainty of cost is removed for you.

CoastalWave · 04/03/2022 17:15

@BeHappy91818

You are underpaying her massively!!
Jesus! I would love £310 for a weekends work!

How is that low?

TheOccupier · 04/03/2022 17:15

Would DS' age and level of SEN allow him to travel alone in a taxi? You could find one that does SEN school transport maybe so that they have appropriate training/licences/DBS, and set up a regular arrangement.

If not, I think you'll need to suck it up. As others have said, this carer will not be easy to replace.

AnnesBrokenSlate · 04/03/2022 17:15

You need to pay her petrol costs.

You also need to speak to an accountant because you're so vague on all this that I'm concerned you're probably not filing accounts properly either.

Blossom64265 · 04/03/2022 17:16

Presumably she is also paying for food and toiletries, washing bedding, extra utilities, etc out of this pay. That further cuts into her hourly rate. Asking for mileage isn’t unreasonable, especially since if you don’t want to pay you could provide transport. That you don’t drive really isn’t her problem.

No one is going to deny that this is a large sum of money for OP to outlay. The reality is that finding someone else to take this job is going to be incredibly difficult. Finding someone else and building that trust and relationship between child and caregiver and parent and caregiver will be even harder. Workers are demanding higher wages and better working conditions in multiple industries and child care is not immune. Families are scrambling to find child care because it’s become a much less appealing job during the pandemic and that isn’t a problem that is going away any time soon.

Op, this may strain the budget, and it may be annoying, but you really may not have much choice here. What I would do is talk through it all now. Get ahead of the summer activities request and ask about that now.

Original poster
AdviceNeeded367 · 04/03/2022 17:16

@TellMeMoreHellebore

i'd say go on the SEN boards and ask the parents there how easy it is to get respite care for weekends

then re-evaluate

Which is why I am paying her the higher rate that she asked for. I’m just annoyed that I thought we had settled rates and payments and now she’s asking for more money again.
OP posts:
NinaDefoe · 04/03/2022 17:17

You’re getting a hard time here.
It sounds quite informal.
Who pays tax, Nat. insurance etc. Or is this a cash in hand arrangement?

It’s difficult to advise without knowing what her formal employment arrangements are.

cultkid · 04/03/2022 17:17

It's too much of a price increase in fuel for her to cover

You need to pay for the fuel or drop him
Off yourself

RedWingBoots · 04/03/2022 17:18

@CoastalWave nothing is stopping you becoming an overnight baby sitter. You would get more than £6.50 per hour for NT children but the work is unlikely to be regular.

Whatisforthebest · 04/03/2022 17:18

I don't think it's a ridiculously low rate. Care work like this will usually only be paid for waking hours so Friday evening roughly 4 hours wakened, a generous 16 on the Saturday and say 6 on the Sunday is 26 hours of direct care plus 2 overnights. 26 hours at mimum wages is £247 leaving £63 to cover the overnights.

That said, I don't think it's unreasonable for her to ask for fuel money, certainly when she has your child in the car, technically nobody is paid to travel to or from work so she would be entitled to the journey after collecting your child and the journey to return him. As she is an employee, if you pay less than 45 pence per mile she can claim tax relief to make up the difference.

Cuddlywaterfall · 04/03/2022 17:18

Decent nanny will set you back £15/hour net. By the time you've paid employers NI and pension you're looking at closer to £20. For nannies with SEN experience you can probably look at £30. Add in the overnight care and mileage, Friday night 6pm till 10am Sunday would set you back over a grand. So yeah, £310 is taking the utter piss.