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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to pay childminders travel expenses

310 replies

AdviceNeeded367 · 04/03/2022 16:22

Last summer, Childminder asked for an extra £10 per week to help pay for activities while she has DS.

In December, she demanded a 27% payrise.

Today she has demanded a 45p per mile travel expense.

AIBU to tell her a flat No?

OP posts:
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 04/03/2022 16:56

@AdviceNeeded367

The rate is workers out as so much per hour and then a nominal fee for the overnight, which is what she suggested when she suggested having DS overnight.

For the most part, they have an Aunty/nephew relationship, which is fantastic but the repeated requests for pay rises is frustrating.

I have agreed to pay her as an employee as she doesn’t want the faff of being self employed.

If she's an "employee" then you have to pay her at least minimum wage for all hours worked (including the overnight), NI and holiday pay. Plus, you need to give her the option of a pension.
Original poster
AdviceNeeded367 · 04/03/2022 16:57

I don’t agree that she’s got a shit deal as she’s always set the rate and the terms. The pay increase that she had in December, she explained, was a realistic hourly rate that she needed and wanted. Now that she’s asking for more money again only a couple of months later, I think is too much.

OP posts:
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 04/03/2022 16:57

@AdviceNeeded367

I don’t agree that she’s got a shit deal as she’s always set the rate and the terms. The pay increase that she had in December, she explained, was a realistic hourly rate that she needed and wanted. Now that she’s asking for more money again only a couple of months later, I think is too much.
Employees don't set rates, though.
betwixtlives · 04/03/2022 16:59

@AdviceNeeded367

I don’t agree that she’s got a shit deal as she’s always set the rate and the terms. The pay increase that she had in December, she explained, was a realistic hourly rate that she needed and wanted. Now that she’s asking for more money again only a couple of months later, I think is too much.
you think her asking for minimum wage is too much?
busyeatingbiscuits · 04/03/2022 16:59

@AdviceNeeded367

I don’t agree that she’s got a shit deal as she’s always set the rate and the terms. The pay increase that she had in December, she explained, was a realistic hourly rate that she needed and wanted. Now that she’s asking for more money again only a couple of months later, I think is too much.
You always should have been paying her mileage though, and covering her business insurance.

You've been lucky to get away with underpaying her for so long.

You seem to think you're doing her a favour?

AskingforaBaskin · 04/03/2022 17:00

@AdviceNeeded367

I don’t agree that she’s got a shit deal as she’s always set the rate and the terms. The pay increase that she had in December, she explained, was a realistic hourly rate that she needed and wanted. Now that she’s asking for more money again only a couple of months later, I think is too much.
You are genuinely hilarious. If you think she is to much go and find an alternative.
CeleriacOfTheNight · 04/03/2022 17:01

If the role has evolved, then it's only fair that the pay does too.

Hibbledibble · 04/03/2022 17:01

It sounds like you were getting very cheap 1:1 care for your SEN child before. She has probably realised she underquoted to begin with.

Do you have her care for your child every weekend? And during the week as well? This sounds like an informal fostering arrangement.

Aimzxo · 04/03/2022 17:01

I think it depends on the child minder, my child minder doesn't charge for petrol, she doesn't even charge for activities any activities she takes the children on she pays for out of her own pocket, I'd be happy to pay her I even offered to but she wouldn't accept, I pay 2 pound for a hot dinner or I can send a pack lunch, I guess each child minder has their own rules, I'd be abit irked but I suppose the only option you have is to use a different child minder, mine also hasn't raised her fees in 2 years, unless mine is a rare lovely breed lol xz

SemperIdem · 04/03/2022 17:02

You are surely not being serious?

Piffle11 · 04/03/2022 17:02

I think you need to stop thinking about the fact that she originally set the pay rates… Perhaps she’s realised she’s selling herself short, or that she cannot continue to support herself whilst accepting the original rates. From experience I know how difficult finding good SEN childcare and support can be: If you have no qualms about her care, and if your child is happy, then I would keep hold of her. If you don’t want to, send her my way and I will gladly pay it.

Bromse · 04/03/2022 17:02

@AdviceNeeded367

I don’t agree that she’s got a shit deal as she’s always set the rate and the terms. The pay increase that she had in December, she explained, was a realistic hourly rate that she needed and wanted. Now that she’s asking for more money again only a couple of months later, I think is too much.
She is not asking for much, though, AdviceNeeded. She is also fairly cheap at the price for what she does.

Obviously if you can't afford it, then you can't and need to tell her so. You may be able to negotiate.

alltheapples · 04/03/2022 17:03

It sounds like you started off paying babysitting rates, maybe to a young teenager? Babysitters are basically supposed to sit in the house while the kids are in bed. It is usually an easy job.
Now it has evolved into a nanny job where she takes a child with special needs for the weekend. For this you are still underpaying her and what she was initially getting was very low. In the meantime petrol costs are soaring so she is now asking for more money.
You say her care is good. I think you will find it difficult to get a non-family member to provide decent care at this cost.

Thatsplentyjack · 04/03/2022 17:03

So say she picks your ds up at 6pm on Friday and brings him back on Sunday at 1pm. That works out at 43 hours at £310, that's £6.80 and hour. I don't think it's unreasonable for her to request money for activities and fuel money. Is the £10 activity money included in that £310?
Does she look after other children in her own house?
This is a very strange set up?

Sirzy · 04/03/2022 17:04

So you don’t think you should pay for the 80 mile round trip she is doing each week? At current rates that will be around £15 of petrol each week before considering the wear and tear and extra cost for business insurance.

Cocomarine · 04/03/2022 17:04

I think you have ignore the voting, given that what you’ve put in your OP is utter tripe and doesn’t describe the reality of the care provided or your professional relationships.

She’s doing 20 hours of active waking care (based on an assumption of 6-9 Fri, 8-9 Sat, 8-12 Sun) and two overnights (22 hours). You are getting a lot for your money, and you want her to pay petrol to collect him too?

You’re taking the piss.

Sirzy · 04/03/2022 17:05

And also does you child wake in the night? Because if so paying less for nights even worse

SaskiaRembrandt · 04/03/2022 17:05

@AdviceNeeded367

I don’t agree that she’s got a shit deal as she’s always set the rate and the terms. The pay increase that she had in December, she explained, was a realistic hourly rate that she needed and wanted. Now that she’s asking for more money again only a couple of months later, I think is too much.
You are paying her less than minimum wage. Feel free to say no to the request for travel expenses, but good luck trying to find someone else who will do what she is doing for so little.
FudgeSundae · 04/03/2022 17:05

In case it is helpful, we pay our nanny £12 per hour for a 44 hour week, ie about £27k per year for the same weekly hours as you. We pay all mileage for trips out, plus expenses and a float. She gets 6 weeks’ paid holiday a year and minimum pension contributions. I spend a lot of time trying to make sure we pay market rate because she’s wonderful and we need to keep her happy. Actually she could get paid more elsewhere if she chose.
As I understand it, your nanny is getting less than £17k for the same number of hours.

AskingforaBaskin · 04/03/2022 17:06

@Cocomarine

I think you have ignore the voting, given that what you’ve put in your OP is utter tripe and doesn’t describe the reality of the care provided or your professional relationships.

She’s doing 20 hours of active waking care (based on an assumption of 6-9 Fri, 8-9 Sat, 8-12 Sun) and two overnights (22 hours). You are getting a lot for your money, and you want her to pay petrol to collect him too?

You’re taking the piss.

And let's not ignore that in that time the employee is using her heating, water and gas for your child as well as providing him with a bed and bedding and subsequently having to wash these.
Whingasaurus · 04/03/2022 17:06

Cost of living has gone up so has petrol these aren't unreasonable requests and the second request for a petrol increase was unforeseeable so you are doubly unreasonable and that's not even considering you started from a point of underpaying.

PrinnyPree · 04/03/2022 17:06

I hope you give her money for food etc too, if we're talking Friday 6pm to Sunday 12noon thats £7.38 an hour, she also needs a pension option and ecru holidays. I don't think you're listening OP but you are vastly underpaying her. Just because you were underpaying her even worse a couple of months ago isn't great. The fact she only wants petrol at 45p a mile and you're complaining is mindblowing considering the rest.

Rainbowshit · 04/03/2022 17:07

Where on earth would you manage to find a replacement for this childcare if you refused her request? Seems like a setup that you would really struggle to replicate.

Also you are not paying her enough.

Thatsplentyjack · 04/03/2022 17:08

And let's not ignore that in that time the employee is using her heating, water and gas for your child as well as providing him with a bed and bedding and subsequently having to wash these.

And food

Original poster
AdviceNeeded367 · 04/03/2022 17:08

The care is not every weekend, just for respite care. She has been very kind to DS and I really appreciate her having him for me so I can get a break.

I was just very surprised today to get a message asking for a fuel allowance when it was only a couple of months ago that she increased her hourly rate in order to cover all of her costs. She calculated that an overall cost of £310 per weekend would cover expenses and her hourly rate. Just now, obviously the cost of living has continued to increase and she’s asked for another rise which I was not expecting and do not want to pay.

OP posts:
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