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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should people tailor their conversation/volume if they know children are around!

97 replies

HalliWood · 04/03/2022 09:47

Went out with my DC last night for tea to a restaurant (not a pub).

DC 11, 8 and 2.

We were sat next to a couple very loudly discussing the situation in Ukraine. Lots of swearing and also things about how "all our faces will melt off when he bombs us" and other things like that. Things that could potentially be terrifying for a child.

You could hear every part of their conversation they were so loud and they knew about DC being there as they'd said hello to our toddler just moments before.

I ended up moving as one of our DC is quite sensitive and has already been asking questions about things they've heard in the playground about this and getting worried.

I think I'll probably be told by some that no one has to tailor their conversation for anyone else etc etc...

But AIBU to think you're s bit of a dick if you knowingly and loudly curse and talk about stuff like this when there are children right next to you?

Like just be a bit quieter about it? Obviously anyone can talk about anything they want but would you not just tone the volume down a bit in front of kids if you're sat there seriously suggesting everyone's faces are going to melt off and things like that?

I know I personally couldn't sit and have a loud conversation like that with kids around.

OP posts:
SamphiretheStickerist · 04/03/2022 10:01

Alternatively...

Should people take their kids into restaurants where they will hear adult conversation and maybe get upset.

We went to a restaurant last night and were discussing Russia and Ukraine. A woman sat at the table next to us with some kids, under 10 I think, and she made a fuss and got moved because our conversation upset the kids.

It really is 6 of one half a dozen of the other.

FTEngineerM · 04/03/2022 10:03

I probably wouldn’t even think about looking around at who could overhear.. and I have kids.

Samcro · 04/03/2022 10:03

maybe they had hearing problems, my adult ds does so his volume is a bit loud.
adults should be allowed to be adults.

SheWoreYellow · 04/03/2022 10:03

I would be aware of my audience. I don’t think anyone needed to hear that, actually.

grapewines · 04/03/2022 10:05

No. I wouldn't check if there were children around. I'm having an adult conversation in a restaurant.

hauntedbillybass · 04/03/2022 10:06

I'd definitely be careful of what I was saying if I was with friends that had kids - so I'd try not to swear.

But I'm not sure if it's naturally occur to me to do so in a restaurant in the evening. I don't have kids myself, and unless it was obvious that kids were in earshot I probably would even think of it.

What kind of restaurant was it - a family friendly type chain place?

oldestmumaintheworld · 04/03/2022 10:08

Lunchtime possibly (although if I'm honest I don't really take much notice of who else is around). Evenings no. Evenings are for adults not children.

Jellycatspyjamas · 04/03/2022 10:09

I do tend to moderate my conversation if I’m sitting at a table next to kids, or speak quietly. There are things I want to be able to filter for my kids rather than have them pick up from random people in a restaurant so I pay others the same courtesy. In your situation I would have moved tables too.

Learning how to eat in a restaurant is an important social skill so I’m not going to stop doing it with my kids, but I’d move them away from a particularly sweary group or a group talking loudly about what I consider to be more adult topics of conversation.

TeenPlusCat · 04/03/2022 10:09

I think it would depend on time and location.
5pm in Pizza Hut - I agree with you; 8pm in a 'smart' place - I'm with them.

ohhooh · 04/03/2022 10:09

If I'm sat at a table with children, yes I'll tailor what I'm saying.

If children are in the vicinity? Nah, not my issue.

It also depends on the setting - am I in somewhere aimed at children (e.g soft play?) or somewhere not (like a restaurant?).

Sirzy · 04/03/2022 10:11

If you where In a soft play or other child centred place you may have a point.

We were in a restaurant with DS (12) last night, his conversation last night turned to what’s going on in the Ukraine at the moment, he needed to talk. Should we have stopped him incase someone else could hear?

AlternativePerspective · 04/03/2022 10:12

Discussing current affairs is fair enough, I don’t think people should have to consider who is around when discussing something current.

Using fowl language or discussing the intricacies of your sex life however…

Cognoscenti · 04/03/2022 10:14

I have kids, I wouldn't expect other people to "tailor" their conversations in a restaurant to suit them.
If I thought the kids were hearing something inappropriate, I'd discreetly ask a waiter if we could be moved.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/03/2022 10:15

Well you’re a bit of a dick to be having that kind of conversation at the tops of your voices anywhere in public, children or not children. Sounds like a performative attempt to shock and be “edgy”. Wankers.

But yes I’d expect people not note there were children nearby and not scream about faces melting off.

Taking me back to my first point - no one wants to hear it!

newnameforthis76 · 04/03/2022 10:15

If I’m out for the evening with other adults, I’m not going to tailor my conversation to make it child-friendly just because you’ve decided to bring your children out with you, sorry. It’s a restaurant, not a soft play centre. Your children are not the centre of the universe.

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 04/03/2022 10:15

It would depend on the place for me really. I wouldn't discuss my sex life at a soft play for example or if I had other children at the table with me I'd keep the conversation fairly light and inoffensive to their little ears.

However, in the evening at a pub/ restaurant with only adult company I probably wouldn't think to look around to check I didn't offend others at different tables with my conversation (unless I was about to discuss something particularly risqué)

luxxlisbon · 04/03/2022 10:15

No, if you’ve taken your children to a public place then it’s on you to control their environment not other people. Adults should be able to have a conversation in a restaurant without having to make it kid friendly.

Crazycrazylady · 04/03/2022 10:15

Nope and I think you're naive for going to a restaurant in the currently climate and expect people not to be discussing Ukraine . Profuse swearing is always offensive but you are being very pfb to expect adults who are out for dinner in a restaurant to refrain from discussing anything which may potentially upset a strangers child Shock

MaChienEstUnDick · 04/03/2022 10:15

Well I think loudly swearing in the hearing of others isn't really on, though I do curse like a sailor myself I do try to watch out for being too loud. The content of their conversation? I'm on the fence really. I wouldn't knowingly frighten a toddler but equally I'm allowed to express adult opinions in a predominately adult space.

Going somewhere really dark is often how people process things too.

LittleOwl153 · 04/03/2022 10:16

I dislike people whose volume means that you essentially have to listen to their conversation even though younare on a different table/ not part of their group. That is independant of the topic.

I also think the amount of swearing that goes on - usually at volume by people who think they are the only ones to be listened to - is also often too much.

So yanbu to be annoyed at the volume/ask them to turn it down and keep it to their own table.

Topics wise I think yab a bit u everyone is entitled to discuss what they want without reference to who may hear. (But in my view would keep it quiet/to their own space so it would be an issue anyway!)

Popetthetreehugger · 04/03/2022 10:17

Never mind the talk of war , if someone was loudly swearing at next table I’d move . Some people are just so important that they feel we all should be treated to their banal rantings .

StrictlySinging · 04/03/2022 10:19

Frankly conversations like this are upsetting full stop.

Aside from that if you can hear every word of fellow diners conversation what ever the subject then they were over loud for the environment/uncomfortably close.

Regardless though heading to a restaurant carries risks of being with people you don’t choose behaving in ways you don’t like.

I have been know to ask rowdy fellow train passengers to miss out their dramatic swear words as DC don’t need to learn them yet and never had a problem - just manners in a shared space IMO, but I don’t think you can have any expectations on subject matter really.

Elphame · 04/03/2022 10:19

No I wouldn't censor topics in a restaurant. I might in a coffee shop in the morning with lots of mums and small children about.

If you take children into a predominantly adult environment that's a parenting decision. I am not responsible for what they experience. You are.

Original poster
HalliWood · 04/03/2022 10:19

@AlternativePerspective

Discussing current affairs is fair enough, I don’t think people should have to consider who is around when discussing something current.

Using fowl language or discussing the intricacies of your sex life however…

I'm not at all bothered about people discussing current affairs. But I think that's a bit different then loudly discussing people's flesh melting off and other horrible things like that.

a family friendly type chain place?

Yes, it was 6pm in a family friendly restaurant, not 8pm in a fancy restaurant.

Tailoring conversation maybe wrong, but not even volume? They were very aware we had kids with us, they said hello to them just before this conversation.

I just know I wouldn't personally talk about melting flesh and stuff like that in front of young children.

OP posts:
Butteryflakycrust83 · 04/03/2022 10:20

I think its common courtesy to adapt language etc if there are children nearby. You are in a public place where children are allowed. You wouldnt (I hope) go effin and jeffin in front of children and your conversation topics should also reflect that.