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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should people tailor their conversation/volume if they know children are around!

97 replies

HalliWood · 04/03/2022 09:47

Went out with my DC last night for tea to a restaurant (not a pub).

DC 11, 8 and 2.

We were sat next to a couple very loudly discussing the situation in Ukraine. Lots of swearing and also things about how "all our faces will melt off when he bombs us" and other things like that. Things that could potentially be terrifying for a child.

You could hear every part of their conversation they were so loud and they knew about DC being there as they'd said hello to our toddler just moments before.

I ended up moving as one of our DC is quite sensitive and has already been asking questions about things they've heard in the playground about this and getting worried.

I think I'll probably be told by some that no one has to tailor their conversation for anyone else etc etc...

But AIBU to think you're s bit of a dick if you knowingly and loudly curse and talk about stuff like this when there are children right next to you?

Like just be a bit quieter about it? Obviously anyone can talk about anything they want but would you not just tone the volume down a bit in front of kids if you're sat there seriously suggesting everyone's faces are going to melt off and things like that?

I know I personally couldn't sit and have a loud conversation like that with kids around.

OP posts:

stripeyflowers · 04/03/2022 11:48

I would have been conscious of what I was saying if I saw there were children close by who can hear. This is because there are certain topics that really trigger me if someone talks about them. But in general, no, I wouldn't expect people to tailor their conversation for the sake of children in a public place.

reluctantbrit · 04/03/2022 12:05

I am more annoyed if people talk so loud that I can understand every word, not so much the content.

But I never really restricted what DD hears in conversations I have or are on the radio she grew up with Radio 4 on more than nursery rhymes.

UsernameA1B2 · 04/03/2022 12:05

AIBU to think you're s bit of a dick if you knowingly and loudly curse and talk about stuff like this when there are children right next to you? YANBU but we live in a very shelfish me me me society unfortunately.

Elphame · 04/03/2022 12:11

@UsernameA1B2

No just sick of the entitled parents everywhere nowadays.

The rather crucial fact that it was a family friendly restaurant was left out of the original post and drip fed later.

Original poster

HalliWood · 04/03/2022 12:14

The rather crucial fact that it was a family friendly restaurant was left out of the original post and drip fed later

It was in my second post on the first page. Hardly drip feed of the year.

OP posts:

Canhearthemice · 04/03/2022 12:30

It doesn't matter whether it was family friendly or not. If you are talking loudly enough for people to hear, you are being too loud and that is rude. It is courtesy to consider other people when in public.

Cheeeesecake · 04/03/2022 12:34

I think it’s polite to be considerate of those around you and I would tailor my conversation if kids were around. I swear a lot generally but don’t if kids are present (my own or anyone else’s).

I don’t even cross the road on red man when there’s nothing coming if there’s a kid waiting for the traffic lights at the same time 😄

I don’t think you’re asking too much, OP.

Mynameisnew · 04/03/2022 12:35

I think not just children. I wouldn't want to hear that as an adult.

Elphame · 04/03/2022 12:43

@HalliWood

The rather crucial fact that it was a family friendly restaurant was left out of the original post and drip fed later

It was in my second post on the first page. Hardly drip feed of the year.

Yes after my post and about 20 others!

NorthSouthcatlady · 04/03/2022 12:46

No. In people’s leisure time they can talk about what they want and shouldn’t have to censor themselves. It was hardly soft play or a christening etc. You’re being precious

Siepie · 04/03/2022 12:49

People shouldn’t be speaking at the top of their voice in a restaurant. That is rude.

I wouldn’t change the topic of my conversation just because there were kids at another table, though.

peboh · 04/03/2022 12:49

No. You are in a public place. If you want to avoid your children hearing these types of things you need to lock them in your house without tv and radio.

dottydodah · 04/03/2022 12:49

I think people should take it down a bit while out,as Mynameisnew says I dont want to hear as an adult! In a child friendly place they are defo out of order . I think people seem to be in competition to see who can be the most shocking . Children should be educated about War on age appropriate shows like Newsround .

Nocaloriesinchocolate · 04/03/2022 12:52

I think the main time I’d consciously be aware of children at a nearby table in terms of what I talk about (and I dont talk loudly - adult DS would have no hesitation in telling me if I did!) would be the topic of Santa Claus being real

Gizacluethen · 04/03/2022 12:52

If I was talking about something horrible, like when discussing crimes that have happened that we know about, then I reduce my volume anyway in case it upsets people that have been through similar. But I swear around kids and I really don't care.

Branleuse · 04/03/2022 13:01

I tailor my conversations around kids to a certain extent, but I think its a bit much to expect strangers in a restaurant to not discuss current events in case it upsets your children on the next table. You did the right thing though by moving.
I dont enjoy sitting next to people having loud conversations, but I also dont like going out for a child free meal and then being surrounded by other peoples kids. If I also had to make sure I didnt discuss world events and crises and not swear then thats too much to ask.

BogRollBOGOF · 04/03/2022 13:08

Generally having a loud conversation that can be followed word for word by other people in the vincinity is pretty inconsiderate.
Excessive swearing or generally upsetting content is inconsiderate.

DCs or not, I don't want to hear graphic, sensationalist chat about "faces melting off". I know the facts about the events at Hiroshima. Gossiping sensationally about the potential for this kind of event unfolding in Europe (or anywhere else) right now is pretty crude.
DS1 is fascinated about war and weaponary and there are sensible ways of discussing the issue.

incognitoforthisone · 04/03/2022 13:17

People tend to talk more loudly when they've had a drink or are in already noisy environment, and generally don't know they're doing it. If you're going to a restaurant - regardless of whether it has a bloody Wacky Warehouse in it or not - I think you have to assume that you'll hear other people's conversations sometimes. And I don't think they have to make their conversation child-friendly, because they are not the ones who have children with them. You say were able to move away from, so that's the problem solved, isn't it? And I'm sorry that one of your DCs is particularly sensitive, but again, that's an issue for you to deal with, not other people.

LittleGwyneth · 04/03/2022 13:17

You are being very unreasonable, unless it was a Chuck EE Cheese style family restaurant. But assuming it was an adult space, which almost all restaurants are, in the evening, they had every right to say whatever they wanted to each other.

Fiefofum · 04/03/2022 13:24

@newnameforthis76

If I’m out for the evening with other adults, I’m not going to tailor my conversation to make it child-friendly just because you’ve decided to bring your children out with you, sorry. It’s a restaurant, not a soft play centre. Your children are not the centre of the universe.

This

vesperlindor · 04/03/2022 13:27

It wouldn't occur to me to modify my conversation for children I don't know that are sat at the next table, I'd assume they were busy having their own conversations and eating their food rather than listening to mine! They may not have realised how loud they were or that your children were listening. DH has quite a loud voice and I often have to tell him to turn the volume down but he's not doing it to be attention seeking or inconsiderate, he has a mild problem with his ears that means he just doesn't realise how loud he is sometimes .

DownNative · 04/03/2022 13:30

I'd say it's advisable to moderate one's language in public by not swearing.

But I don't think one should avoid discussing major talking points of the day, including politics. That doesn't help anyone in the long run.

Supertree · 04/03/2022 13:38

I would definitely use different language or not talk loudly so as not to upset or scare children in the vicinity. I think that's a normal, adult way to behave. So in that case, I wouldn't graphically describe something really frightening knowing that children could hear me. If I really wanted to use those words, I'd keep my voice down. I'm quite softly spoken anyway so I don't think it would have been an issue for me. My anxious teenager would have been really upset and scared by this, which probably wouldn't occur to most people as he is a confident fourteen year old. I'm aware of the reactions/behaviours overhearing such a conversation would cause once we were at home and I'd never want to be the cause of that.

Abouttimemum · 04/03/2022 13:39

Yeah I would expect there to be children at a chain restaurant at 6pm and I wouldn’t be talking about ‘melting faces’ and effing and blinding anyway regardless of if kids were there. They sound lovely!

CapMarvel · 04/03/2022 13:42

If you are in a public space it is pretty dickish to be saying potentially upsetting/distasteful/insulting things loud enough to others to hear, children or not.

Obviously there are gradients to this, but graphic descriptions of people's faces melting off loud enough for kids to pick up on? Nah, don't do that.

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