Should people tailor their conversation/volume if they know children are around!

[HalliWood]

Went out with my DC last night for tea to a restaurant (not a pub).

DC 11, 8 and 2.

We were sat next to a couple very loudly discussing the situation in Ukraine. Lots of swearing and also things about how "all our faces will melt off when he bombs us" and other things like that. Things that could potentially be terrifying for a child.

You could hear every part of their conversation they were so loud and they knew about DC being there as they'd said hello to our toddler just moments before.

I ended up moving as one of our DC is quite sensitive and has already been asking questions about things they've heard in the playground about this and getting worried.

I think I'll probably be told by some that no one has to tailor their conversation for anyone else etc etc...

But AIBU to think you're s bit of a dick if you knowingly and loudly curse and talk about stuff like this when there are children right next to you?

Like just be a bit quieter about it? Obviously anyone can talk about anything they want but would you not just tone the volume down a bit in front of kids if you're sat there seriously suggesting everyone's faces are going to melt off and things like that?

I know I personally couldn't sit and have a loud conversation like that with kids around.

Unless you're paying their bill, they're entitled to speak about what they like. I wouldn't sensor myself for other people's kids, they're not my problem.

Yeah I think it's dick behaviour. But it won't change.

I've found mine and my DHs parents' generation a bit of a nightmare for no filter with regard to this sort of thing. And I do hate the way some teenagers shout and swear so much in the street. Most people are quite ignorant about children's developmental stages and what's appropriate.

Sure I sound about 100! And I don't expect them to change, so we just do our best with it.

I’m always amazed at how loud some people are, as if everyone must hear the important words they have to say.
I’m quite sure when dh and I are sat somewhere together talking, people from say 10 feet away, cannot hear what we are saying.
I also think swearing in a Wacky warehouse type of place at 6m is inappropriate.

Stop policing peoples conversations, what dystopia is this. People are free to speak about what they like so long as its not offensive which is usually racism etc.

Some people swear, some don't. Those words are part of our langague. You find think its offensive thats your choice to think that.

And what do you think will happen if we are nuked, peoples faces do melt off and alot worse.

Also some people are naturally loud talkers like my neighbours for example. I don't go tell them to turn the volume down, if they are bothered by me hearing the details of their entire lives and their finances then they should lower their voices.

All you have to do if the noise bothers you is move tables. Simple.

You choose to have kids others haven't and they cannot be expected to revolve their lifes around your children.

I totally agree with you although I am not surprised there are people on here saying kids should not be there. In public places where you should reasonably expect there to be kids, you should be moderating your language. I was in the supermarket the other day, 8am, and a couple of men near were swearing loudly. I am not a fainting flower, but it was too much even for me.

I think there are some people who are too loud whatever setting they're in, and they do my head in. In a family friendly restaurant with a wacky warehouse at 6pm I'd expect a little moderation of volume and graphic detail. I'm a bit surprised at the responses actually, I absolutely am of the opinion that there are places where I expect children's behaviour to be moderated by their parents - the kind of pubs I tend to go to (if there are kids there at all), cinema (unless a kid's film or family screening), a lazy sunday morning breakfast in a nice cafe. I'd be irritated by a lot of "normal" child behaviour in those settings and wouldn't expect to be told it's just normal and to deal with it but the flipside is I have to give a little too, and moderate my behaviour in other settings.

@Supertree

I would definitely use different language or not talk loudly so as not to upset or scare children in the vicinity. I think that's a normal, adult way to behave. So in that case, I wouldn't graphically describe something really frightening knowing that children could hear me. If I really wanted to use those words, I'd keep my voice down. I'm quite softly spoken anyway so I don't think it would have been an issue for me. My anxious teenager would have been really upset and scared by this, which probably wouldn't occur to most people as he is a confident fourteen year old. I'm aware of the reactions/behaviours overhearing such a conversation would cause once we were at home and I'd never want to be the cause of that.

This is how I feel.

And I do think there is a difference between talking about "current events / politics" and graphically discussing melting flesh/burning skin and talking as though it's WHEN we're nuked not if ffs. I'm really surprised people think this is just a simple case of "discussing current news"... 😳

Obviously people don't HAVE to censor anything. I do still think it's inconsiderate not to have very extreme conversations like that a bit more quietly / toned down though.

@Broads93

Unless you're paying their bill, they're entitled to speak about what they like. I wouldn't sensor myself for other people's kids, they're not my problem.

Of course it's not technically your problem. But I can still think you're an inconsiderate dick of course.

@CapMarvel

If you are in a public space it is pretty dickish to be saying potentially upsetting/distasteful/insulting things loud enough to others to hear, children or not.

Obviously there are gradients to this, but graphic descriptions of people's faces melting off loud enough for kids to pick up on? Nah, don't do that.

This is my feelings on it really.

@SamphiretheStickerist
The rule used to be that if your conversation can be heard at the adjacent table, you are talking too loudly. And if the nature of the dinner is such that there will be loud conversation, cheering, applause or speeches, you ought to book a private room.

I appreciate that these are not Victorian times, but as a matter of decency one shouldn't ruin the supper of other paying patrons.

I went to a smart restaurant with a friend last weekend. 8pm a family comes in with 2 kids aged 8 and 11ish, they were sat next to us.

I wanted to have an adult conversation with my friend (her health, our relationships. Not graphic but not kid appropriate, adult language and meaning), it was irritating that the 11yr old was able to listen in (he was sat with this back to us, quite close due to lay out).

In the end we had our adult conversation, not loud, but not whispering. Decided that if you take kids to an adult place you're happy with adult chat.

@HalliWood

This place has a wacky warehouse inside it, it's not strictly soft play as you can just go for a meal, but it's definitely a family orientated restaurant. There were lots of children there.

You made a point of saying it wasn't a pub. Chain family friendly with whacky warehouse not somewhere you'd go for adult time...... Sounds like a chain pub to me rather than a restaurant

Swearing and topic aside (I wouldn’t expect adults to monitor their language in a restaurant), I don’t expect people to whisper, but it does piss me off when people talk at such a volume that you can hear every bit of their conversation, especially at the expense of hearing others on the same table

Yanbu op. I would adapt my conversation if children were able to over hear it and it wasn’t suitable.
Anyone who doesn’t is a dick in my opinion.

I know some people who are like this and don’t give a toss swearing in front of kids etc and they are generally selfish twats all round, which proves my point.

People shouldn't be swearing in fancy restaurants regardless of whether children are present.

YABU. Don’t take your kids to an adult environment.

@Flippy87

YABU. Don’t take your kids to an adult environment.

What is "an adult environment" about a family friendly chain place at 6pm?

YANBU in not wanting to listen to that kind of conversation.

The problem is those type of restaurants are cheap, noisy and attractive to an..ahem.. certain clientele, well round here they are anyway, pissed, loud, uncouth . They probably thought your kids hear worse at home and didn't give it any thought.

If I was wanting to teach my children restaurant manners I wouldn't take them to that type of restaurant.

I recently had tea at around 5pm in a family chain restaurant and the 'lovely' people sat at the table behind were all 'fucking' this and 'fucking' that and 'cunts' etc, even when their own kids were at the table. I was poised to say something then decided I didn't want to risk getting knifed.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Well you’re a bit of a dick to be having that kind of conversation at the tops of your voices anywhere in public, children or not children. Sounds like a performative attempt to shock and be “edgy”. Wankers.

But yes I’d expect people not note there were children nearby and not scream about faces melting off.

Taking me back to my first point - no one wants to hear it!

This.

I'm fascinated that people are outraged if someone like a teacher comes out with something like blooming heck in their child's presence but will happily swear in a restaurant or supermarket.