Partner financial buffer

Moneyfun12 · 2022-03-03T19:12:31+00:00

So, I’m happy to be told IABU or otherwise as genuinely not sure. I earn good money, and my partner has an okay salary at circa 30k. We live together in a rented property. I do own a property separately but we don’t live in it due to location/we live in London for work and who can afford a shoebox even in London central. I also have other savings/investments which are circa 80k My partner expressed concerns about 1 year ago about not having a financial buffer and as I work in finance I know how important this is. So instead of paying their % of salary share of the rent and bills I said ‘save for your buffer first’ which we agreed would be circa 4 months salary for them (8k) and then we can do a % of salary as a bills split. Its now been a year and they have had ample time to save this buffer. However they seem a bit annoyed that I’ve suggested that we now go to a % of income bills approach and my assets/earning are a point of contention! AIBU? Should I just continue to cover it because I can, or should they fairly and proportional to salary contribute?

TwoPenguins · 03/03/2022 19:15

Unless there's more to this, then of course you are not unreasonable. Absolutely do a % split.

TracyMosby · 03/03/2022 19:17

Youre not unreasonable they must have a sizeable sum by now i bet they dont

ErickBroch · 03/03/2022 19:26

YANBU - smart.

Original poster

Moneyfun12 · 03/03/2022 19:32

They’ve now suggested to put in £500 per month, which isn’t a total proportional split and they think anymore is unfair on them due to needing the other 1.5k of their salary.

As a proportional split their contribution would be £750 but to be totally honest I could cover the £250 without issue. I just worry that I’ve set a crap precedent here for our relationship and I shouldn’t have to ask for a fair contribution 😕

OP posts:

shssandhr · 03/03/2022 19:39

Nope they need to be paying a proportional split. 750 quid a month is affordable on a 2K salary.
They are taking the piss.
They have now theoretically built up a buffer so they can contribute fairly and they can cut back on other things so that they can save a couple of hundred quid a month.
Potential cock/vag lodger here.
Be very very wary about marrying them.

Kite22 · 03/03/2022 19:41

So they want to just sponge off you and have lots of personal spending money, whilst living in London ?

TracyMosby · 03/03/2022 19:44

Is everything else split fairly?

NoSquirrels · 03/03/2022 19:44

Proportional split is the only fair way.

What if you decided you needed more of your salary and you’d only contribute 25% too? What then?

SausagePourHomme · 03/03/2022 19:48

you've let this person live with you for a year and pay nothing? they must think they've won the lottery!

It should be 50/50 split, anything else is taking the piss

OkThenJustChill · 03/03/2022 19:48

What a CF.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/03/2022 19:50

Are you moving towards marriage and kids or not?

KindlyKanga · 03/03/2022 19:51

Do not marry this person

bowlingalleyblues · 03/03/2022 19:52

Did they save the 8k OP? What is it they need the £1500 a month for?

Seems like you’re not on the same page financially, and there’s not enough information of the context. Do they feel that you should both have the same disposable income? Is this an expectation they have about being taken care of? Do they feel unloved that you don’t want to subsidise them more? Or is this a more cynical move by them to get you to pay for their bills?

Yellowsubhubabubbub · 03/03/2022 19:56

Haha! Now they’re being told they can’t live the life of Riley ? No wonder not keen to start now!
Be very smart with your finance ( as I’m sure you will be ) if you marry this person
I’d want to see a receipt of the supposed savings!

madroid · 03/03/2022 19:56

No. WTF should you subsidise their life?

50/50 or fuck off imho

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 03/03/2022 20:04

What on earth do they need 1.5k for?

You know this is not OK OP. Trust your instincts. Why do you want to be be with someone who does not want to pay his fair share?

GettingItOutThere · 03/03/2022 20:04

@Moneyfun12

They’ve now suggested to put in £500 per month, which isn’t a total proportional split and they think anymore is unfair on them due to needing the other 1.5k of their salary.

As a proportional split their contribution would be £750 but to be totally honest I could cover the £250 without issue. I just worry that I’ve set a crap precedent here for our relationship and I shouldn’t have to ask for a fair contribution 😕

so your with a sponger. Lay down the rules, now...or end it.

no-one likes a sponger!!

Original poster

Moneyfun12 · 03/03/2022 20:06

Their view is that investing is important and they should be able to start investing too now (as I have in the past) to create a more equitable future. I do think it would be good for them to be able to invest too but I just think this is on them to find money for from disposable income. I was happy to subsidise a buffer, makes sense and no one wants to see someone they love concerned and anxious about money and feeling like they have no savings.

Investments feels like another story to me and one they need to fund.

OP posts:

PearPickingPorky · 03/03/2022 20:12

@Moneyfun12

Their view is that investing is important and they should be able to start investing too now (as I have in the past) to create a more equitable future. I do think it would be good for them to be able to invest too but I just think this is on them to find money for from disposable income. I was happy to subsidise a buffer, makes sense and no one wants to see someone they love concerned and anxious about money and feeling like they have no savings.

Investments feels like another story to me and one they need to fund.

And they can fund them, they have 1500 left each month!

What do they want to do with the 1500?

What age are we talking here?

And how much did they save in that year?

mrsm43s · 03/03/2022 20:14

Surely you should pool all money as "family money" and split the remainder so that you have equal spends? That's certainly what would be suggested if the woman was the lower earner. This is assuming, obviously, that you are in a fully committed relationship.

Given that you have a property and a huge amount of savings and a high income, and your DP has a relatively low income, surely the financial gap between you would be really uncomfortable, and you'd have completely different lifestyles if you don't pool your money and then split it equally. Surely you don't want your DP scrabbling around to make ends meet while you live in luxury?

HundredMilesAnHour · 03/03/2022 20:17

I think you've been more than generous (too generous!) but now they're really taking the piss.

If they want a champagne lifestyle on a prosecco budget, they need to look at increasing their income.

Not wanting to pay £750 is ridiculous. Where do they think they'd be living in London if you weren't subsidising them so heavily?! Yet they complain you don't have equal investments?! Unbelievable. This would have given me the ick a long time ago.

user1471462115 · 03/03/2022 20:18

50/50 for all expenses, not proportional, this is no partner you are with. He is a user, so make him contribute his half

KindlyKanga · 03/03/2022 20:18

@Moneyfun12

Their view is that investing is important and they should be able to start investing too now (as I have in the past) to create a more equitable future. I do think it would be good for them to be able to invest too but I just think this is on them to find money for from disposable income. I was happy to subsidise a buffer, makes sense and no one wants to see someone they love concerned and anxious about money and feeling like they have no savings.

Investments feels like another story to me and one they need to fund.

I agree

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/03/2022 20:22

@user1471462115

50/50 for all expenses, not proportional, this is no partner you are with. He is a user, so make him contribute his half

But their rent could be higher than the partners wage.

Without amounts of income, ages, relationship status, sexes, plans etc. this is all meaningless.

Original poster

Moneyfun12 · 03/03/2022 20:28

Okay so as requested;
Age both 34
Income - mine is 80k. Partners 30k
Relationship ‘status’ together two years
Gender - Not sure why relevant but I’m female
Plans - not sure what the question is?

OP posts: