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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to buy colleague a ready meal?

409 replies

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 17:55

I hardly ever think of AIBUs but this feels appropriate
In the office the other day, I was going to stretch my legs. A colleague asked me to buy her a chicken ready meal if I went near a shop.
I went to marks and Spencer to buy Percy pigs. The ready meals were about £5. She didn't offer me money before I went, she's not in my team and I might not see her in person for months. I would probably have ended up paying for her lunch.
I also don't like her, she's rude and weird and messed with my stuff once because I was using the desk she likes.
Final point, I'm vegan and don't want to buy chicken, but I was too chicken (lol) to say that.
If I liked her, I would have happily bought a meal but I would have said can I get you a veggie one instead, and I wouldn't have minded if I didn't get paid back.
I told her the meals were £5 and I didn't feel comfortable spending that much of her money without her agreement. But I never had any real intention of buying one, mostly because there were no actual supermarkets nearby anyway.
Context, I'm a manager and she isn't, but I'm a lone parent and broke as shit.

So, was I a total cow (YABU) or a diplomatic genius? (YANBU)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
MrsLargeEmbodied · 03/03/2022 20:25

otoh dont you do online banking? telephone banking?

HotSauceCommittee · 03/03/2022 20:25

And I wouldn't want to deal with your office woman or the situation.

Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 20:26

@PaddleBoardingMomma

Honestly AIBU brings out the most bitter, judgemental and pearl clutching weirdos out!

Op you were right not to buy her anything, she was being a cf and you'd never have seen that fiver again 😂

Also you're the only other person I've ever met who calls sainsburys sainsbos so I'm obliged to defend you against the people here who seemingly want you tarred and feathered 😂

Are you from the south east? I've heard sainsbos loads!!
OP posts:
Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 20:26

@MrsLargeEmbodied

otoh dont you do online banking? telephone banking?
I do, but would you really give your bank details to a random colleague and then wait for them to put the money in? What if they don't?
OP posts:
amispeakingintongues · 03/03/2022 20:27

cheeky of her to ask you to buy her lunch without being abundantly clear she’s going to pay it back

PaddleBoardingMomma · 03/03/2022 20:27

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

No I'm I'm Belfast, where they call an ice cream a "poke" but sainsburys is... sainsburys 😔 😂

Even when I was in England I never heard it called sainsbos though!

PaddleBoardingMomma · 03/03/2022 20:28

Dunno what's going on with my typos this evening 😬

SchadenfreudePersonified · 03/03/2022 20:28

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Does nobody think she was unreasonable to ask a manager she barely knows to buy her lunch without offering cash up front? I would never
I do - I wouldn't expect someone I hardly knew to get me anything without offering the cash up front.

It's very bad manners - and you don't know people's financial circumstances. For all she knew you hadn't enough cash and wee at the limit on all of your cards. Some people are, and often not the ones you expect.

Bromse · 03/03/2022 20:28

@grapehyacinthisactuallyblue

Not BU for not buying. BU for not telling her you have no intention of buying.
I think the op might have bought it had the money been given to her in advance or if she was sure she would get it when handing over the goods. I don't see why the woman couldn't go out and buy her own lunch which she presumably had to do in the end (I also think Percy Pigs are odd things to have for lunch but that's another story).
Frozenlikeablockofmarble · 03/03/2022 20:29

You keep saying you’re a manager.

You can’t manage a simple conversation or workplace relationships.

Toddlerteaplease · 03/03/2022 20:29

I'd have been pissed off if you'd spent my money on a veggie meal when I want chicken. You weren't being asked to eat it. And presumably she would have paid for it.

Theblacksheepandme · 03/03/2022 20:30

You must be awfully bored OP? I think you should have just said no. I actually don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to get her lunch. You sound very childish.

Royalbloo · 03/03/2022 20:30

Nah I actually think you were a bit of a twat. Just say no next time and then someone isn't sat there waiting for their lunch...?

Cissyandflora · 03/03/2022 20:30

@PaddleBoardingMomma

Honestly AIBU brings out the most bitter, judgemental and pearl clutching weirdos out!

Op you were right not to buy her anything, she was being a cf and you'd never have seen that fiver again 😂

Also you're the only other person I've ever met who calls sainsburys sainsbos so I'm obliged to defend you against the people here who seemingly want you tarred and feathered 😂

Oh no I’m definitely with the op. Absolutely top work and you should feel pleased that you dealt with this awkward situation well. Sainsbos is pretty terrible but I’ll give it a pass due to the stress of the day.
Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 20:30

I think the op might have bought it had the money been given to her in advance or if she was sure she would get it when handing over the goods.

I would. If she'd given me a fiver I'd have bought the £5 meal.

The Percy pigs were a snack Grin it was a long day. I didn't eat them all, I gave half the pack to DS when I got home.

OP posts:
Cissyandflora · 03/03/2022 20:30

@Toddlerteaplease

I'd have been pissed off if you'd spent my money on a veggie meal when I want chicken. You weren't being asked to eat it. And presumably she would have paid for it.
But she didn’t.
Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 20:31

@Toddlerteaplease

I'd have been pissed off if you'd spent my money on a veggie meal when I want chicken. You weren't being asked to eat it. And presumably she would have paid for it.
I didn't? And I wouldn't?
OP posts:
MrsLargeEmbodied · 03/03/2022 20:31

hmm, i do telephone banking
but not everybody has that ability

and i dont think you were being unreasonable not to spend £5 on someone you barely know and do not particularly like.

Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 20:31

@Theblacksheepandme

You must be awfully bored OP? I think you should have just said no. I actually don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to get her lunch. You sound very childish.
I am. I'm reduced to watching the new pride and prejudice on Netflix because there is nothing on.
OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 03/03/2022 20:34

There's a new Pride and Prejudice?

BuyDirt · 03/03/2022 20:35

I'd have been pissed off if you'd spent my money on a veggie meal when I want chicken. You weren't being asked to eat it. And presumably she would have paid for it.

Vegans aren’t obliged to buy random people they hardly know chicken ready meals especially when they haven’t paid upfront. 🤣

Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 20:35

@SchadenfreudePersonified

There's a new Pride and Prejudice?
Oh no - by new I mean that 2005 travesty As opposed to the old one with Colin fifth
OP posts:
Donson · 03/03/2022 20:37

What you do is buy the meal and give it to her with the receipt, and say ‘it’s £5, here’s my bank details’. It’s not hard.

Wednesdayafternoon · 03/03/2022 20:39

If someone at work is going to Asda it's absolutely normal for someone to cherp up and say "would you mind getting me this" etc and then normally when you get back you just ask they bank transfer or tel them what it was etc. I literally don't know anyone who would assume they would pay for it. I work in a busy office... I don't think it's unreasonable at all. It happens everyday. It's just people helping eachother out.
I don't think she's done anything wrong OP. I think that maybe you felt uncomfortable with the money situation and instead of realising this was about your feelings you're kind of putting ot on her.

Also not sure how I feel about your comment which was something to the effect of "was she not wrong to ask me a manager".... we all don't need to like eachother, it's perfectly normally to not like everyone for right or wrong reasons... but being someone's manager doesn't mean it's unreasonable to ask if you could pick them up some dinner.

Next time of you don't feel comfortable in the situation then just say that upfront.

HarlanPepper · 03/03/2022 20:41

This is a fucking weird and annoying thread. I hate the OP for starting it, everyone else for posting on it, and myself for wasting five minutes of my life reading it.