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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to buy colleague a ready meal?

409 replies

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 17:55

I hardly ever think of AIBUs but this feels appropriate
In the office the other day, I was going to stretch my legs. A colleague asked me to buy her a chicken ready meal if I went near a shop.
I went to marks and Spencer to buy Percy pigs. The ready meals were about £5. She didn't offer me money before I went, she's not in my team and I might not see her in person for months. I would probably have ended up paying for her lunch.
I also don't like her, she's rude and weird and messed with my stuff once because I was using the desk she likes.
Final point, I'm vegan and don't want to buy chicken, but I was too chicken (lol) to say that.
If I liked her, I would have happily bought a meal but I would have said can I get you a veggie one instead, and I wouldn't have minded if I didn't get paid back.
I told her the meals were £5 and I didn't feel comfortable spending that much of her money without her agreement. But I never had any real intention of buying one, mostly because there were no actual supermarkets nearby anyway.
Context, I'm a manager and she isn't, but I'm a lone parent and broke as shit.

So, was I a total cow (YABU) or a diplomatic genius? (YANBU)

OP posts:
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Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 19:47

@Marmelace

I know I said this thread was bollox, but I genuinely can't understand all the nasty insults to the op. Some people on here really are nasty. OP ignore them, you did nothing wrong, I'm sure you are neither unpleasant or a bad manager. Ffs people need to get a grip over such trivial things or get out more!
I knew it was coming - I think I'm feeling a bit masochistic! I'm nervous about a job interview tomorrow and my dad has some health worries so I was looking for a distraction while my bf is with his kids :) Mumsnet is ace for levels of vitriol hugely out of proportion with the offence. It's amusing.
OP posts:
Darbs76 · 03/03/2022 19:47

Wouldn’t she pay you when you handed over the ready meal? I personally wouldn’t have minded but then colleagues pick up food for me quite often as they see I’m super busy. I always send the money that day by bank transfer

Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 19:48

@WonderfulYou

I think it’s odd you think she wouldn’t have paid you back - fortunately none of my colleagues are like this.

But I would have asked for the money upfront, even if I said in a joking way like where’s the money then? And if she said anything then I’d say I didn’t have your purse on you or something.

YANBU to get her lunch but what concerns me is if you’re her manager and have such an issue with her.
So much so that you felt you were unable to say no to her.
I can’t see the working environment very good if you both have a difficult relationship.

I'm not her manager! That's clear enough isn't it? If it was anyone in my team I would have bought them lunch. None of my team would have asked me to buy meat though.
OP posts:
Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 19:49

@Darbs76

Wouldn’t she pay you when you handed over the ready meal? I personally wouldn’t have minded but then colleagues pick up food for me quite often as they see I’m super busy. I always send the money that day by bank transfer
Maybe, maybe not. I wasn't willing to take the chance for a fiver. I would have done for £2 or less.
OP posts:
Marmelace · 03/03/2022 19:50

It's amusing how people do the sheep thing and jump on the bandwagon. Hope your dad's OK and wish you well for your interview.

tolerable · 03/03/2022 19:51

yabu.
for a start she said "if you went near a shop". So,wasnt a definate done deal.
The amount of thought youve put into some sort of justifying your actions,kinda indicates more about you than im comfortable specifying.
Returning empty handed wasnt a big deal,given the if.
Doesnt matter she didnt offer cash given you had no intention anyhow.
A sure,have you got money there?was all required tho-dont need declare your financial status.

Viviennemary · 03/03/2022 19:51

You should have said no or asked her for the money first. She was cheeky not offering.

Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 19:52

@Marmelace

It's amusing how people do the sheep thing and jump on the bandwagon. Hope your dad's OK and wish you well for your interview.
Thank you :)
OP posts:
applepancakes · 03/03/2022 20:00

Percy Pigs are not Vegan

BronwenFrideswide · 03/03/2022 20:01

It's cringe and awkward. And if she didn't have cash and said she'd pay me back next time should I then say no I'm not getting it? That's even more cringe.

No it isn't cringe and awkward, I despair that people cannot seem to have these perfectly simple conversations.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 03/03/2022 20:04

Yabu. Not very nice at all.

NumberTheory · 03/03/2022 20:06

@Mamamia7962

NumberTheory - " I don't think I'll be able to manage that".

The OP's a manager though so that response wouldn't look very good 😂

Hmm If she were a manager of colleague's lunch, you'd have a point. As it is you just sound like you've never had a job.
BuyDirt · 03/03/2022 20:08

If she were a manager of colleague's lunch, you'd have a point. As it is you just sound like you've never had a job.

🤣

This thread is really weird.

Mamamia7962 · 03/03/2022 20:12

NumberTheory - It wasn't meant as a serious comment! And I've been employed for nearly 40 years.

Tilltheend99 · 03/03/2022 20:14

It sounded bizarre but reasonable until you said you were her manager. You should be guiding your employees not calling them weird and presumably stopping them getting lunch because you don’t like them.

Bromse · 03/03/2022 20:16

Did it matter in the end? I presume she went out and got something for herself (which she could have done in the first place). You did nothing wrong, forget it now. She won't ask you again.

HotSauceCommittee · 03/03/2022 20:16

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

The only vegans i know that care about beeswax are the hardcore ones who check toilet roll holders for animal based glue. Life is just too short.

I mean I wasn't going to admit it on this thread but now you've said that I probably will keep eating them
So I'm not only a sanctimonious vegan I'm a hypocritical one too

You are going to carry on eating beeswax wraps and toilet roll!!!???! Shock
Cissyandflora · 03/03/2022 20:17

@LizDoingTheCanCan

You come across as very unprofessional. All you needed to do was either say no, or get the money before you went. It's not rude to say no, it is rude to say you will and then come back with nothing.
She didn’t come back with nothing. She came back with Percy pigs. Rtft
BuyDirt · 03/03/2022 20:20

It sounded bizarre but reasonable until you said you were her manager. You should be guiding your employees not calling them weird and presumably stopping them getting lunch because you don’t like them.

🤣 Shes not her manager. She’s a manager, but not this woman’s manager.

Themadcleaner · 03/03/2022 20:21

If your happy with the work just let the 5 minutes go! It's nothing. More of an issue is her having to ask for payment, leave it out or transfer before she needs to ask!

Themadcleaner · 03/03/2022 20:23

Whoops, wrong thread 😄

HotSauceCommittee · 03/03/2022 20:24

It was awkward, OP, and you were put on the spot by someone you are not comfortable with.
You have to be easy with people before you ask for stuff/get stuff for them without some sort of social micro error/move, which immediately will occupy a disproportionate amount of space in your head.
No one came out of this shining: she's a not very nice sounding CF, you panicked and handled it in social survival mode, but your manoeuvre was not as bad as hersGrin
Chuck it in the fuck-it Bucket.

PaddleBoardingMomma · 03/03/2022 20:24

Honestly AIBU brings out the most bitter, judgemental and pearl clutching weirdos out!

Op you were right not to buy her anything, she was being a cf and you'd never have seen that fiver again 😂

Also you're the only other person I've ever met who calls sainsburys sainsbos so I'm obliged to defend you against the people here who seemingly want you tarred and feathered 😂

Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 20:24

@Tilltheend99

It sounded bizarre but reasonable until you said you were her manager. You should be guiding your employees not calling them weird and presumably stopping them getting lunch because you don’t like them.
I'm not her manager!! I'm A manager. Not hers.
OP posts:
Original poster
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/03/2022 20:25

@HotSauceCommittee

It was awkward, OP, and you were put on the spot by someone you are not comfortable with. You have to be easy with people before you ask for stuff/get stuff for them without some sort of social micro error/move, which immediately will occupy a disproportionate amount of space in your head. No one came out of this shining: she's a not very nice sounding CF, you panicked and handled it in social survival mode, but your manoeuvre was not as bad as hersGrin Chuck it in the fuck-it Bucket.
Grin Thank you!!
OP posts: