@Positivelyperfect
You could put a baby gate up
It doesn’t stop DS trying to get in and shouting and crying.
DH could work in another room
But he won’t
you could have a playpen whilst your chopping, put him in a high chair with a toy/snack etc.
While I make dinner like a good wifey 🤣 and again doesn’t stop him shouting and crying, does it?
No one has said you need to do this in silence as that’s impossible but you can’t keep making excuses up as to why you can’t do things.
Not in silence but I can’t have DS crying (and he would if stuck in a playpen and ignored while I do my wifely duties.)
There's those ones.
Put the boy in his high chair.
For ninety minutes?
Give him some food. Give him a bath
For ninety minutes?
Read to him. Put the TV on. Get some toys out. Give him a drink.
I do. These aren’t quiet activities with a toddler.
Or, I know this is impossible, but instead of having DH not behind a closed door and sat ten feet away from where the boy can just waddle too...he could, you know, go in a room and close the door
Yes, he does, but the point is DS knows he is there and gravitates there constantly.
Happy? Because I am not. I feel pretty shit.
Do you know how I feel? I feel that despite working full time, my only existence is really to cook, clean and do childcare. Fine if i had chosen that but I didn’t. I work fucking hard. I shouldn’t have to cook dinner five nights a week.
Ok. Now I see the problem. You resent the division of time/chores/childcare with your DH.
This is what you need to address. Because your existence isn't cook/clean/childcare because you've already said you don't do all the cooking, and the sole childcare that you do is 1.5hrs more than DH because he's working during that time.
You're in quite a flap. And I don't mean that in a derogatory way, you are not being rational. For example, some suggestions were (just randomly) have his bath, and your immediate response is "for 90 minutes??" watch tv ..."for 90 minutes??". Well, no, clearly you have a bath, that's 20+ minutes. You put the TV on, that's 20 minutes. You get a couple of toys out. Another 10 minutes. He has a snack in his high chair, 10 minutes.
That's an hour just gone!
I think what you need to focus on more, is that a 1yr olds response to everything should not be shouting and crying. Because according to this, he shouts and cries in a play pen, he shouts and cries at baby gates, he shouts and cries if he's put in his high chair. You need to address this.
And the massive massive elephant (DH) in the room, needs to get out of the room! Half of this would be resolved if he'd just get out of the communal area.
Believe me, I've been there, hissing at DH for coming downstairs to get a tea and sticking his head in where we were, because he's just reminded both of them he's at home and now I've got two hobbits chanting "Dadddddy!" and tugging at the baby gate, while he just leaps back upstairs and leaves me to deal with it. When I'd only just got them both to sit down. And had not had a cup of tea myself for two hours.
But the reality of it, is I just had to parent them better. If they stood at the stairs crying for Daddy, then I carried them away. I danced about in front of the window pointing out the birds. I got crayons out. I grabbed a snack from the fridge. And they'd settle again. And as time went on, they got used to daddy coming and going to the kitchen without any drama.
Yes it's hard work, and yes it's tiring. But it's only until he learns not to shout and scream by himself. And until he does, it shouldn't be such a difficult task for you to comfort/distract/entertain him.
It will get better as he gets older, but you won't feel better, not while you resent DH for working while you provide childcare.