To think if you work from home, you’ll have interruptions

[Positivelyperfect]

I have a DH wfh and a toddler. I pick the toddler up at around 4, home for 430. DH finishes at 6, which leaves an hour and a half or so of time where DS is constantly trying to get to DH, crying and having tantrums.

DH ‘solution’ to this is take DS out but tbh I really don’t think I should have to do this five days a week!

@Positivelyperfect

control her child

He’s a toddler trying to go into a room in his own home, not one of Fagin’s gang members

Well, yes. That's exactly the point.

As for why would I not make dinner while DH is at work - well because I don’t want to make dinner five nights a week.

It sounds like you’re cutting your nose of just to spite your face.

Either your DH works longer hours so it’s only fair you cook dinner on those days
Or
He starts later which means he can do the breakfasts and get DS ready for nursery etc and as he WFH he doesn’t have the commute so can do the washing up after, put DS to bed etc.

You would be cooking 3/4 evenings a week anyway if you do the cooking 50:50, so I don’t understand why you have such an issue with that extra day.

If you had a choice would you want DH to cut back on his hours?
Would you rather be the main earner or rather be a SAHP?

Considering you don’t want any suggestions on how to improve the situation I think there is more of a back story.

OP, just stop trying to prevent the toddler from seeing your DH. Make it his issue to solve. If he’s disturbed frequently enough he’ll either fix it (adjusting his hours, going into the office etc) or work will fix it for him by saying he has to go in.

You do childcare drop off AND pick up, work a 5 day week like him - he can sort this one.

Ugh sorry for some reason the full thread didn't load earlier when I made the bedroom suggestion. In that case the only solution is your husband goes back to the office or he accepts there are disruptions.

I doubt it, but it’s good to know many don’t see wanting to come home at the end of the day as unreasonable! Although some of the comments are a bit depressing.

The OP has explained very succinctly why it is more difficult looking after their DS whilst DH works in a communal space. Anyone who has done it knows that she is spot on, it is more difficult. The OP has just done a full day at work herself, why should DH make life more difficult just because he feels like it? It may only be 90 minutes, but it's a pretty exhausting 90 minutes at the end of the day, when everyone is tired and everyone just wants to chill out. DH could go to the office. DH could go to another room. DH could choose to just stop complaining about being interrupted and just deal with it. Yet he does none of those things, he does nothing to help the situation, so why is the OP the one who needs to put up with extra difficulties?

@WonderfulYou no one is cutting off their nose to spite their face but at the risk of being accused of being a failure of a wife, mother and cook (the final one may have some truth in it) I cannot prepare a meal with DH booming away (no door between kitchen and dining room) and toddler hanging off me.

And as for DH doing the breakfasts - DS has breakfast at nursery but even if he didn’t, lobbing Cheerios in a bowl isn’t equal to preparing a cooked dinner and you know it.

It's a really tough part of the day for babies and little ones.

You don't want him to go to sleep so he has to stay awake, but it's been a long day so he's cranky.

You are not being unreasonable, OP.

I bet your husband wouldn't relish those 5 x 90 mins either if the tables were turned.

YANBU OP, it’s a home, first and foremost.

Your DH needs to hide away in the bedroom for the last 90 minutes or if that doesn’t work find a coffee shop/go back to the office. You and toddler should definitely not be the ones to accommodate this. I WFH and I use the box room as my office, which means my DC and DH have free reign of the downstairs and other bedrooms when they’re home whilst I’m working. As it should be. My DH returned to the office at the earliest opportunity even though he didn’t have to because he finds it really hard to WFH.

You tell your DH that your house is your home first and an office second and if he can’t rearrange things to make it convenient for all of you to enable him to work there then he needs to work elsewhere. If he refuses then let your kid run free.

Sorry if it's been suggested, but can he sit in the car?

Dh goes to the library.

Or adjusts his hours I. E. No lunch break

@tirednewmumm OP hasn't said she doesn't do those things already, she's saying she has a baby who when he hears his dad wants to go to him and gets distressed - which she then has to deal with because DH wants to work peacefully.

It's quite normal that a baby that young can't be reasoned with. She can distract as much as she can but by the sounds of it her DH is far from considerate with his actions - booming voice - which then reminds DS why he was upset in the first place and the whole thing starts again.

It's also normal that a baby who's been at nursery all day will be tired, and therefore more prone to being ratty in an evening.

Seriously, these replies. Prioritising a grown adult who has other options available over a baby who's already been out of the house since 7:30am.

Prioritising a grown adult who has other options available over a baby who's already been out of the house since 7:30am.

That is pretty much the gist of it, and it stinks.

I really feel for you. Life is busy for working parents of young children without this additional problem. Your husband needs to either put up with the mayhem or return to office at least some of the time. It’s whether he is open to reasonable discussion on this , or whether he wants what best for him even though it is bad for you and baby. I totally get why having baby in childcare all day everyday well into the evening is the last thing you want. I hope your husband can priories his child in the same way.

I cannot prepare a meal with DH booming away (no door between kitchen and dining room) and toddler hanging off me.

Now you’re just making up stuff up.
Literally every suggestion people say you have an excuse for.

Almost every single person on this thread have made many meals whilst looking after toddlers.
And someone else talking loudly in another room is completely irrelevant to preparing food, so that simply isn’t true.

Considering you don’t want any suggestions on how to improve the situation I think there is more of a back story.

Yup. It's one of those OPs where there's an excuse for why every suggestion is simply impossible, and if anyone points it out, it transpires into a dramatic "well I'm clearly such a failure".

Prioritise

@Escargooooooo

Sorry, but completely agree with the "blunt" poster above.

You have an excuse for everything, "I can't put the TV on....there's no rooms where you can't hear DH..."

Parent your child.

You seem irate that you have to put effort in (whether it's at work or looking after your child) for the same hours as your DH puts in.

Nail. Head.

@Kdubs1981

Your house is first and foremost a home, not a place of work. He needs to find a solution, not you

Exactly this. I have 3 kids including a toddler and dh works from home. He has no choice but to get used to the noise.

Why is he still working from home? He obviously doesn't have the facilities at home to realistically work from home permanently. I would suggest he look for new employment if he can't be accommodated in an office.

The guy is working for the benefit of the family, including OP, not just watching TV.

And he on no level needs to take over communal areas in the house to do that, so I'm not crying a river for him, sorry.

@WonderfulYou

I cannot prepare a meal with DH booming away (no door between kitchen and dining room) and toddler hanging off me.

Now you’re just making up stuff up.
Literally every suggestion people say you have an excuse for.

Almost every single person on this thread have made many meals whilst looking after toddlers.
And someone else talking loudly in another room is completely irrelevant to preparing food, so that simply isn’t true.

Yeah but have you tried preparing a meal while simultaneously stopping a toddler from trying to get into a room and presumably crying because he can hear his dad in the next room and you're aware that you need to be quiet because said dad in the next room needs peace and quiet?

When I prepared a meal with DD at that age, part of the fun was giving her pots and pans to bash on to keep her entertained. OP doesn't have that option as she has to keep her son quiet.

@WonderfulYou

I cannot prepare a meal with DH booming away (no door between kitchen and dining room) and toddler hanging off me.

Now you’re just making up stuff up.
Literally every suggestion people say you have an excuse for.

Almost every single person on this thread have made many meals whilst looking after toddlers.
And someone else talking loudly in another room is completely irrelevant to preparing food, so that simply isn’t true.

(What am I making up?

So do tell me, wonder-parent, how one stops said toddler running to his dad, given there is no door between kitchen and where DH is working?

And how do we do this in silence?

And is it fair I do this five days a week?

DH needs to work in a bedroom with the door shut, keep the volume down, fit a baby gate , and you can play music to drown out the sound. If that doesn't work then he should go back to the office . Why is he so noisy when he's working?