To ask a question in the class WhatApp?

[whatstheteamarie]

Short story: yesterday I asked what the date was of a school event in the class WhatsApp

From a group of 30 parents I received no response except one mum replying with the Monocle Emoji (basically suggesting I look harder for this info myself).

Long story: I'm a lone parent as my DH died suddenly just over a year ago.

Mostly I'm on top of things, but juggling everything alone on top of my grief, my DCs grief, plus health issues, covid etc has meant that occasionally I've dropped the ball by missing some school events (partly because I can't face seeing all the other happy families, partly because I'm so busy I can't fit everything in and partly because I didn't realise they were happening in the first place).

So DC1 came home last night and mentioned the school event that was upcoming, I was trying to get DC2 sorted and out the door to their after school activity, checked my emails from the school, couldn't find anything about said event and fired off question to the WhatsApp group, only to be made to feel rude/foolish for asking.

So:
YABU -you shouldn't ask questions on the class WhatsApp group to save time/energy, you should sort the info yourself.

YANBU - the class WhatsApp are designed to help parents and responding with the date would have been just as quick as the judge-y emoji response that I got.

I would add a msg saying you found the date but also asking if the rest of them had had an email about it. Could the school have your DH down as email contact?

Honestly though, even if teens use the monocle to mean something, it doesn't mean the mums do. Everyone I know used it to mean "hmmm" or "suspicious" or in this case "another mystery from the school not telling us anything."

On the tiny off chance she's being a bitch, I'd let them know why it's harder for you, something like:
"Can I just ask one of you to let me know when the school next sends an email, I can't tell whether they don't send many or if they are still sending to my late DH instead of updating their records to send to me. Don't want to make a fuss if they are just generally non communicative!"

I read the monocle as hmm or suspicious. But having googled, some dictionaries say uses are confusion, tell me more or idk. emojidictionary.emojifoundation.com/face_with_monocle

In general it’s shit the group didn’t respond apart from this one woman. However, it isn’t 100% possible to know her motivation. She may have generally thought idk then deleted it as she realised it could be perceived as passive aggressive.

I am sorry they are not ‘seeing’ you. It really hurts to feel invisible.

Yanbu our class WhatsApp asks stuff like this all the time and no one behaves like that

Sometimes it's easy for us to fall into the trap of negative perception. Online communication has the greatest chance to be misinterpreted. People might not want to stand out talking if they don't have the answer either. Everyone watches other people's reaction. The fear of looking unintelligent... Too many pitfalls, especially you said it's a very quiet group.

I do find myself really have to be brave posting things to class group, as school mums could be fiercely judgemental. So I completely understand your feelings.

As you've done no wrong (please be reassured), just turn the page and try not to hang on to it. Don't let the hurt feeling consume you - You've done a brilliant job under your circumstances!

I wish I could give you the same WhatsApp group for one of my DC's classes - it's a daily competition of 'who can screenshot and share the latest message the teacher has sent/website has posted' the fastest - always the same teacher's pets

@CatSpeakForDummies

I would add a msg saying you found the date but also asking if the rest of them had had an email about it. Could the school have your DH down as email contact?

Honestly though, even if teens use the monocle to mean something, it doesn't mean the mums do. Everyone I know used it to mean "hmmm" or "suspicious" or in this case "another mystery from the school not telling us anything."

On the tiny off chance she's being a bitch, I'd let them know why it's harder for you, something like:
"Can I just ask one of you to let me know when the school next sends an email, I can't tell whether they don't send many or if they are still sending to my late DH instead of updating their records to send to me. Don't want to make a fuss if they are just generally non communicative!"

Oh god. Don’t do this.

Don’t try to guilt trip people into replying to you and it makes you look stupid like you can’t contact the school and make sure an email address is correct.

What a horrible group

Glad ours isn’t like that

We batter about crap as well as people asking about the menu or what time something starts

Sorry yours isn’t supportive

ESP as once at secondary school you don’t go in so can’t see the other parents and teachers in person

I would add message saying found the date it’s xxx in see anyone else wasn’t sure

Natter 😂

Yeah they sound awful. That's exactly what I'd expect school year/ class whatsapp group to be there for! We have fb page for each year group where parents regularly do ask "is it inset day next Monday?" "When is the (whatever)?" "Anyone found (lost item)?" "Anyone had update on xyz trip?" "Did anyone get the homework for ...(subject)? When is it due in on, Joe lost his... can anyone PM it to me?" ... precisely because it can be easy to miss something in the overwhelming heaps of school newsletters emails and messages and pupils do lose (non existent now) letters ...

.... Like we need a PA sometimes just to read all the 10+ emails from each school that I get a week! Let alone all the 15+ school message Alerts a week from some individual teachers or PE sports clubs on constant (mostly irrelevant) school comms. I had to switch those off for my sanity at work. Can't have it constantly ping whilst working.

My children didn't know they needed a secretary but ... apparently that's the mums role (or dads if they are the main contact) even if you work!

I ask if I think I've missed something sometimes- or I answer a question on fb page- you don't need to apologise OP for being busy.

The monocle emoji reply parent is probably a bit of a douche who doesn't work.
She's not very nice.

Oh- I can see that maybe some PPs thought monocle emoji reply meant different and that person was looking it up, confused or whatever

I wouldn't read it like that. I would read it as unnecessarily cryptic emoji reply that didn't add anything. The parent could have said "idk am not sure either" if they meant that.

In life there are competitive parents and "school playground" can contain a few . It's a shame no one else replied as I would have if I'd seen it in my fb or WhatsApp group- I'd have said "ooh good question it's on ..." or "it was mentioned in newsletter I read recently- let me find it for you.." or "I can't find the date either- anyone else help?"

I think you're being over sensitive. Your assuming it was sent to make you feel foolish. Maybe it was sent to mean they couldn't find it either. Why dint you link the school app calender to your phone calander and then you won't miss important info.

That person is a complete dick. I'm really sorry. Asking a question in a Whatsapp group is hardly CF behaviour. What a shame they're not nicer people.

@Lipsandlashes

I must admit I also thought the monocle emoji was akin to 'wondering'

Yeah same here, so i would have thought that other parent also wanted to know the answer

Just to update in case anyone is interested.

I put a message on the WhatsApp group saying that I'd found the date on the school website and when it was (plus that I should have looked there first).

I also put the answer to "Monocle mum's" question from yesterday which people had responded to but not known the answer (& I found whilst looking for my date).

Had a response from one mum who hadn't known the date either, so it wasn't just me.

Nothing from monocle mum but I'm just glad I know what's going on now.

I've attempted to add the school calendar to mine, however there only seems to be an option to upload the whole thing for all yr groups, meaning I'd have calendar reminders for everything happening from Y7 to upper 6th which seems a bit much, but will try to find a way to load just the relevant year later.

Thanks again for all feedback.

I asked a question in my daughters group a couple of years ago and was ignored so I just left the group, can't be doing with people like that there is no need

Most of them are full of memes and jokes

Glad it's sorted and you got the info you needed. Just shows some people are all talk when they say let me know if you need anything after a tragedy.

@whatstheteamarie

Oh and my DC1 told me that's what they use the monocle emoji for (telling people to look it up themselves) as I didn't know what it meant at first!

Maybe it does have more than one meaning.

I've never seen it used to mean that (but maybe younger people use it differently?) I post on another forum where people use emoji a lot and it's always used in either a "hhhmmmm" way or "I'm wondering that too" kind of a way