Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a question in the class WhatApp?

118 replies

whatstheteamarie · 03/03/2022 08:24

Short story: yesterday I asked what the date was of a school event in the class WhatsApp

From a group of 30 parents I received no response except one mum replying with the Monocle Emoji (basically suggesting I look harder for this info myself).

Long story: I'm a lone parent as my DH died suddenly just over a year ago.

Mostly I'm on top of things, but juggling everything alone on top of my grief, my DCs grief, plus health issues, covid etc has meant that occasionally I've dropped the ball by missing some school events (partly because I can't face seeing all the other happy families, partly because I'm so busy I can't fit everything in and partly because I didn't realise they were happening in the first place).

So DC1 came home last night and mentioned the school event that was upcoming, I was trying to get DC2 sorted and out the door to their after school activity, checked my emails from the school, couldn't find anything about said event and fired off question to the WhatsApp group, only to be made to feel rude/foolish for asking.

So:
YABU -you shouldn't ask questions on the class WhatsApp group to save time/energy, you should sort the info yourself.

YANBU - the class WhatsApp are designed to help parents and responding with the date would have been just as quick as the judge-y emoji response that I got.

OP posts:
AladdinPrincess999 · 03/03/2022 09:36

It's what the class WhatsApp groups are there for. To give out info/reminders etc.

Ignore judgy Mum. Flowers

WorraLiberty · 03/03/2022 09:38

@U2HasTheEdge

I'd post this ^ on the WhatsApp group, shame them for being cunts and then leave the group.

Do not do this OP.

I agree OP, do not do this.

I'm sorry for your loss but the other people in the group will just be going about their normal lives and not thinking about that - especially in relation to you asking a simple question to check a date.

Half will probably have muted the group and the other half might think you've been answered in private, or maybe they didn't know the answer either/didn't have time to check.

I think you're reading way more into this than is necessary, and as for people saying 'It's not a nice group' and calling them 'Cunts and Arseholes', well that's even more OTT 🙄

mumof2exhausted · 03/03/2022 09:38

That is literally the point of school WhatsApp group! There’s a question every day on ours asking stuff like this. They are dicks. Especially due to your personal situation, I’m so sorry.

Original poster
whatstheteamarie · 03/03/2022 09:39

I've found the date now on the school website, thanks to the poster who recommended that, thankfully it's at the end of the month so I've not missed anything.

I had put in my WhatsApp that I'd checked the school emails and it wasn't in there (possibly as it's a couple of weeks away) but as I have to plan everything to the nth degree now my children outnumber the parents I do need to know these things in advance.

I'm not going to take offence as the emoji could well be a mistake response, and I'm probably a bit sensitive as a year ago it was all "if you need ANYTHING just ask" and this is about the first time I have asked and got zero response.

Thanks for all your replies. Smile

OP posts:
Somethingsnappy · 03/03/2022 09:40

I agree with PP that the meaning of the monocle emoji is ambiguous. I've used it before to suggest I don't know something or am investigating. As for no replies, don't assume they're unkind. More likely they don't know, or haven't seen it. Our primary WhatsApp group is quite quiet. There have been a few non answered questions, including one of mine. I felt a bit disgruntled, but they are a very nice group of people, so didn't take it personally.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Grida · 03/03/2022 09:42

We have loads of questions like this on ours. What else is it for? We do have someone who confidently answers with the incorrect info, such as ‘it is on Wednesday at 3.30pm’. It is really annoying because then someone else has to reply ‘no, it is actually on Thursday at 5pm’, the original poster then gets a bit defensive and this is followed by a lengthy debate about which it is. She does it so often that I can’t work out if she is completely unaware of how scatterbrained she is, or just likes messing with people.

Coulddowithanap · 03/03/2022 09:46

YANBU.. That's the kind of thing we ask on our parents WhatsApp all the time.

TempName01 · 03/03/2022 09:49

I would put another message saying, ‘not to worry, have found the date on the website now - XX March if anyone else needs to know! 🙂’

If it was my class WhatsApp you would at least get a thumbs up from someone. Most people won’t have dates to hand so I would assume they just didn’t know and might appreciate the reminder.

Somethingsnappy · 03/03/2022 09:53

@TempName01

I would put another message saying, ‘not to worry, have found the date on the website now - XX March if anyone else needs to know! 🙂’

If it was my class WhatsApp you would at least get a thumbs up from someone. Most people won’t have dates to hand so I would assume they just didn’t know and might appreciate the reminder.

Yes, perfect response!
tootiredtospeak · 03/03/2022 09:55

Jesus that's harsh. How you haven't replied to the dickhead who sent the monocle I dont know. I would have replied saying....what does that mean exactly. You could be really PA and post saying thanks so much for the help and then leave. Or you could completely ignore keep your dignity and email the school admin. It's their job they wont mind. Hide the what's app and give it no more thought. They are idiots so sorry you've had a tough time.

MajorCarolDanvers · 03/03/2022 09:57

YANBU

What's the point of it if you can't ask these kind of questions.

Do you get any value from being in this group?

DemBonesDemBones · 03/03/2022 09:58

I would have taken the emoji as she didn't know either.

Cherrysherbet · 03/03/2022 10:05

YANBU what a horrible person she must be.

That’s what the Class what’s app is for! Our has daily questions about dates etc….

You should complain to whoever set the group up (ours was set up by the lovely office lady, who is also a parent)

donquixotedelamancha · 03/03/2022 10:16

I'd post this ^ on the WhatsApp group, shame them for being cunts and then leave the group. What a bunch of arseholes.

But if the monocle woman wasn't being sarcastic (I've never heard of it being used to mean 'look it up') and everyone else just doesn't know/was busy then such an agressive response would look batshit.

I always assume the posters who reply to OPs like this telling the OP their worries are true, and they should be as hostile as possible, are just being cruel for sport.

Like everyone else, sharing info is the main poin of our whatsapp so it doesn't seem likely that everyone is annoyed at you for asking and deliberately ignoring you, OP.

KloppsTeeth · 03/03/2022 10:17

YANBU.
How awful. 🖕 to monocle woman.

StrawberryLollipops · 03/03/2022 10:17

@TempName01

I would put another message saying, ‘not to worry, have found the date on the website now - XX March if anyone else needs to know! 🙂’

If it was my class WhatsApp you would at least get a thumbs up from someone. Most people won’t have dates to hand so I would assume they just didn’t know and might appreciate the reminder.

Was coming on to say this myself. Do this OP. It will change the tone and make the group useful again. Other quiet ones may have been wondering the same thing.
AryaStarkWolf · 03/03/2022 10:20

YANBU at all, that's exactly what everyone in my sons Years Whatsapp group use it for. What else is it actually for?

Lipsandlashes · 03/03/2022 10:23

Horrible bitches! What the hell do they think the WhatsApp is for? Do you have a class rep who you could talk to? I agree with leaving that awful group though.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

AryaStarkWolf · 03/03/2022 10:25

Also if someone posted the monocle emoji after I posted that question I would have thought they meant that they wanted to know the answer too :p

Cissyandflora · 03/03/2022 10:27

I didn’t know that’s what monocle emoji meant. But then i thought aubergine emoji was fine to indicate vegetarian curry.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Your group sound rude if that is what they mean by either ignoring or telling you to look it up.
WhatsApp groups are a total pita in my opinion though. I cannot stand the parents who constantly remind us that it’s swimming today. Book day tomorrow. Meet the teacher tonight. Etc. absolutely loathe those ones! But I just mute the chat because I know the irritation i feel is my own issue and that many will like the reminders. Likewise there are always those who ask for the school calendar dates but it’s fine too. I don’t reply because I know someone else will.
I think it’s absolutely fine to ask friendly questions though and it’s surely what the groups are for.
In your case try not to take it personally. It might just be one rude person out of 30.

Lipsandlashes · 03/03/2022 10:27

I must admit I also thought the monocle emoji was akin to 'wondering'

WeatherwaxOn · 03/03/2022 10:27

YANBU
We use our class whatsapp for all sorts of questions. Someone will always provide an answer. That's the point of it.
Sounds like the bunch you're lumbered with are horrible.

Because I'm equally nasty I would reply and point out exactly why I'm not on top of things and ask again if someone could kindly point me in the direction of resolving my query. But I do tend to pull people up on bad manners!

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 03/03/2022 10:28

YANBU

Some parent groups are really awful, unfortunatly yours seems to be one of those. My DC class one is ok, not great but not insulting like yours - people often ask about dates, homework etc, things that are easy to find out, but others always provide the info, we try to help each other (though tbh it's mainly me and a couple of other people who reply, most people are very quiet). Everyone appreciates reminders for events.
I'm so sorry for your loss and for everything you're dealing with now. Try to forget about this class group.

Beautiful3 · 03/03/2022 10:38

That doesn't sound very nice. I'm sorry they've behaved this way. You could email or call up the school to ask.

BeHappy91818 · 03/03/2022 10:40

@Lipsandlashes

I must admit I also thought the monocle emoji was akin to 'wondering'
Same. Iv never heard it used in the way the OP mentioned.

People might not know the date or the class is on mute on their phones.

I’m in a what’s app group for my DD class and I never reply unless I’m asked a direct question. It’s not my job to inform other parents of stuff that’s on the school calendar. They can look themselves. We all have stuff going on.

Swipe left for the next trending thread