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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a question in the class WhatApp?

118 replies

whatstheteamarie · 03/03/2022 08:24

Short story: yesterday I asked what the date was of a school event in the class WhatsApp

From a group of 30 parents I received no response except one mum replying with the Monocle Emoji (basically suggesting I look harder for this info myself).

Long story: I'm a lone parent as my DH died suddenly just over a year ago.

Mostly I'm on top of things, but juggling everything alone on top of my grief, my DCs grief, plus health issues, covid etc has meant that occasionally I've dropped the ball by missing some school events (partly because I can't face seeing all the other happy families, partly because I'm so busy I can't fit everything in and partly because I didn't realise they were happening in the first place).

So DC1 came home last night and mentioned the school event that was upcoming, I was trying to get DC2 sorted and out the door to their after school activity, checked my emails from the school, couldn't find anything about said event and fired off question to the WhatsApp group, only to be made to feel rude/foolish for asking.

So:
YABU -you shouldn't ask questions on the class WhatsApp group to save time/energy, you should sort the info yourself.

YANBU - the class WhatsApp are designed to help parents and responding with the date would have been just as quick as the judge-y emoji response that I got.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatstheteamarie · 03/03/2022 08:40

Oh and my DC1 told me that's what they use the monocle emoji for (telling people to look it up themselves) as I didn't know what it meant at first!

Maybe it does have more than one meaning.

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 03/03/2022 08:41

What's the point of a class WhatsApp if you can't ask that sort of thing? I'd just leave it.

Original poster
whatstheteamarie · 03/03/2022 08:41

Yep it's a secondary school WhatsApp.

Daft thing is Monocle woman asked a question yesterday and got about 5 responses.

OP posts:
MrsHGWells · 03/03/2022 08:42

WhatsApp is for parent to parent help for exactly helping each other out.. unkind, unhelpful & nasty.

The smug parents were probably working industrially hard casting & mig welding knights amour or frantically sewing their handmade heirloom costumes ..

So sorry people can’t be kind.. hope your dd has a fab day 💐

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 03/03/2022 08:43

Maybe her kids told her that's what it means and she thought oh shit and deleted it? Is she an arsehole generally? I'd assume the answer is no one knows. If you've tried looking it up and don't know it's possible they all have as well.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 03/03/2022 08:44

I asked about book day in our school and we've got loads of memes and video clips and laughing faces but no one to actually confirm it's not on.

Vanillaradio · 03/03/2022 08:44

It would have been nice if someone had properly responded (like others ds's school WhatsApp group is 90% this kind of questions.) But I'm wondering if they actually don't know and/or there hasn't been anything from school- you couldn't find anything in your emails about it and monocle mum could well be suggesting she's looking for the answer but can't find it.

WorraLiberty · 03/03/2022 08:44

@whatstheteamarie

Oh and my DC1 told me that's what they use the monocle emoji for (telling people to look it up themselves) as I didn't know what it meant at first!

Maybe it does have more than one meaning.

Your DC might not be right.

I too would have interpreted it as that parent also wanting to know.

picklemewalnuts · 03/03/2022 08:44

Is there a school calendar? I find that easier than searching through old emails.

But that's not a nice group.

Photolass · 03/03/2022 08:47

That's the problem with emojis, they can sometimes be interpreted in different ways.
Maybe other members of the group didn't see your message?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/03/2022 08:52

Maybe she’d posted it by mistake and only realised later? Like it was the last used emoji or something. I’m sure many have our class group on mute.

LookItsMeAgain · 03/03/2022 08:56

I'd drive home the point - "Does nobody know when X is supposed to happen or could point me in the direction of where I can find this information out. I'm just trying to find out"

See what you get from something like that.

If you get no responses, leave the group but don't delete the group as you can use the contact details to contact some of the nicer parents in the class in a private chat if you need to.

belle40 · 03/03/2022 09:05

Sorry OP. You seem to have stumbled into the bitches and witches group. Our school sends information via multiple channels. It drives me potty and it is really easy to miss things. I would mute and archive the group and ask the school to send information in one format. I'm also on my own and find the juggle frustrating. I'm so sorry for your loss.

LottyD32 · 03/03/2022 09:06

@whatstheteamarie

Short story: yesterday I asked what the date was of a school event in the class WhatsApp

From a group of 30 parents I received no response except one mum replying with the Monocle Emoji (basically suggesting I look harder for this info myself).

Long story: I'm a lone parent as my DH died suddenly just over a year ago.

Mostly I'm on top of things, but juggling everything alone on top of my grief, my DCs grief, plus health issues, covid etc has meant that occasionally I've dropped the ball by missing some school events (partly because I can't face seeing all the other happy families, partly because I'm so busy I can't fit everything in and partly because I didn't realise they were happening in the first place).

So DC1 came home last night and mentioned the school event that was upcoming, I was trying to get DC2 sorted and out the door to their after school activity, checked my emails from the school, couldn't find anything about said event and fired off question to the WhatsApp group, only to be made to feel rude/foolish for asking.

So:
YABU -you shouldn't ask questions on the class WhatsApp group to save time/energy, you should sort the info yourself.

YANBU - the class WhatsApp are designed to help parents and responding with the date would have been just as quick as the judge-y emoji response that I got.

I'd post this ^ on the WhatsApp group, shame them for being cunts and then leave the group.

What a bunch of arseholes.

mummykel16 · 03/03/2022 09:22

@whatstheteamarie

Short story: yesterday I asked what the date was of a school event in the class WhatsApp

From a group of 30 parents I received no response except one mum replying with the Monocle Emoji (basically suggesting I look harder for this info myself).

Long story: I'm a lone parent as my DH died suddenly just over a year ago.

Mostly I'm on top of things, but juggling everything alone on top of my grief, my DCs grief, plus health issues, covid etc has meant that occasionally I've dropped the ball by missing some school events (partly because I can't face seeing all the other happy families, partly because I'm so busy I can't fit everything in and partly because I didn't realise they were happening in the first place).

So DC1 came home last night and mentioned the school event that was upcoming, I was trying to get DC2 sorted and out the door to their after school activity, checked my emails from the school, couldn't find anything about said event and fired off question to the WhatsApp group, only to be made to feel rude/foolish for asking.

So:
YABU -you shouldn't ask questions on the class WhatsApp group to save time/energy, you should sort the info yourself.

YANBU - the class WhatsApp are designed to help parents and responding with the date would have been just as quick as the judge-y emoji response that I got.

Yanbu, these groups do seem pointless to me
NameChanger45465465 · 03/03/2022 09:23

I think you have read to much into it. sound to me she opened message, accidently sent an emoji, easily done. realised then deleted it.

puffyisgood · 03/03/2022 09:23

YANBU.

U2HasTheEdge · 03/03/2022 09:25

I would assume that the emoji meant that she was looking, or wanting to know the information as well. She may have deleted it once she realised how it could be interpreted. It may even have been posted in error.

Not having responses doesn't automatically mean that the people in the group are cunts or witches (as described by others). There have been times when my questions in group chats seem to have gone unnoticed. It is the way it goes sometimes. It has never been personal.

Maybe try asking again. Don't write them off just yet.

CallyfromBlakes7 · 03/03/2022 09:27

I've posted stickers on Whatsapp by accident and made my work team members scratch their heads for a bit before I realised I'd done it.

I don't know what half the emojis mean and would probably use them wrongly. Don't jump to conclusions. Maybe post again and say - "hi still haven't been able to find this myself - does anyone know?" If you still get ignored, leave the group.

Ricksteinsfishwife · 03/03/2022 09:27

I’m sorry about your loss op.

In my experience if you ask saying something like “I’ve looked and looked and can’t find the info, can someone help me please, what date is x” people help.

When folks think it’s someone who can’t be arsed and want someone else to do it fo them they tend to be less forthcoming.

U2HasTheEdge · 03/03/2022 09:28

I'd post this ^ on the WhatsApp group, shame them for being cunts and then leave the group.

Do not do this OP.

Lou98 · 03/03/2022 09:31

@whatstheteamarie

Well, the monocle was put up left for a while and then deleted, so if it was a positive comment or someone also wanting the answer wouldn't they have left it up?

Honestly if she put it up and then it was deleted a while later, and she asked a question herself yesterday - I would think she sent the emoji accidentally while reading and deleted it when she realised. I've done that a lot (although is usually say sorry didn't mean that).

I also wouldn't take the monocle to mean that, I would think it maybe meant she never knew about the event if she did mean to post it.

I don't have school aged children yet but I would assume that's exactly what these groups are for, although as it's a secondary school chat, I wouldn't be surprised if most have it muted and that's why you didn't get replies.

Sorry about your Husband, it can't be easy! I would have your Son ask about the event when he's next at school given it's secondary and try not to take the group chat to heart, it could just have been an honest mistake from that mum

Suzi888 · 03/03/2022 09:32

I’m sorry for your loss Flowers

WhatsApp groups are there to ask questions, mine goes off 20 or more times a day sometimes. The fact they deleted the monacle shows someone was being a bit of a bitch. Someone in one of the other groups spoke to the school about this kind of thing, we all had an email warning!

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/03/2022 09:34

@Shoxfordian

Yanbu

Leave the group, they’re not very nice

I agree with this.
Wheyprotcookie · 03/03/2022 09:34

Wow..obviously yanbu, I wonder who these kinds of people are and why they go out of their way to patronise or belittle people... On a classroom WhatsApp group created for parents to support each other. They must have psychological problems,and are really unhappy...