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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jo Malone candles and MIL.

448 replies

Flatdeadfrog · 02/03/2022 19:34

I've name changed as details are a little bit outing as I've talked to friends about this.

My MIL is a bit of a scented candle aficionado and can be a bit precious about the types of scented candles she'll have in the house. That's fair enough, as you like what you like. BUT for mothers day, she has specified she wants a new scented candle for her hall.

DH likes to oblige his mum as she's actually lovely, but his default is to just buy an expensive Jo Malone candle. We don't actually have a Jo Malone budget, as we are feeling the pinch as I am on maternity leave and we're struggling a bit financially because of it.

DH and I have had an argument about it tonight, as I feel that MIL would be upset to think that we're spending our weekly food budget on an expensive candle (and frankly I think it's a waste), but DH really wants to get something nice for his mum. MIL loves scented candles, but something cheaper like a Yankee candle would just be shoved to the back of the cupboard.

AIBU to think MIL can do without a candle this year? Or can anybody recommend anything nice scent/candle wise that wouldn't get wasted like a Yankee candle would?

MIL is lovely, she would be appalled at the idea we'd spent our weekly food shop on a candle, but DH can't see past getting his mum a gift for mothers day and getting what she's asked for.

OP posts:
BitterTits · 02/03/2022 20:30

I'm really picky about candles and wouldn't thank anyone for a scented candle I'd not chosen

Rude

Itsketotime · 02/03/2022 20:30

The white company had some lovely ones but I can’t remember the price.
My friend got me a candle from Sloane - candles are less than £40 and they smell divine. Oriental garden is my favourite.

TonkaTruckduck · 02/03/2022 20:31

Did she "demand" a Jo Malone candle as pp are saying, or did your husband ask what she wanted and she said "a candle please"?

Perhaps she thought it's be a cheap and easy gift, as pp have said repeatedly you can get something decent from TK Maxx for a tenner.

I'd certainly not begrudge my lovely MIL a candle, and try to budget for gifts throughout the year.

HikingforScenery · 02/03/2022 20:31

I agree with Tkmaxx for a bargain.
I wouldn’t really not begrudge him spending £50 on his mum for mothers’ day though.

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 02/03/2022 20:32

@Hawkmoth

Thanks for the Wonky Candles idea!

CurbsideProphet · 02/03/2022 20:33

Handmade soy wax candles are much nicer and better for the air quality of your home than mass produced candles like Jo Malone. I buy from The Bath House (made in Cumbria) and Can To Candle (made in Scotland).

Derbee · 02/03/2022 20:33

FB Marketplace?

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 02/03/2022 20:33

TK Maxx do This Works ones which are v nice. Or this is a lovely little business.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/03/2022 20:34

The really small ones are £25. I don't think that's a crazy amount to spend on a Mother's Day gift (though it is for a candle but if that's what she likes).

QuirkyTurtle · 02/03/2022 20:34

£320 for a candle! I like nice things and love a splurge here and there but what the fuck.

kiggenpaws · 02/03/2022 20:34

TK Maxx have a great range. These are also lovely, with a wide range of scents, for £20. homecountycandleco.com/collections/candles

Skyeheather · 02/03/2022 20:35

The Isle of Sky Candle Company

yoyo1234 · 02/03/2022 20:35

I hate relatives asking for specific gifts (expensive ones) without thinking about whether they are appropriate in the circumstances. £60 for a mother's Day request seems expensive and if it is when money is short then you/DH needs to say something.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 02/03/2022 20:35

What about a trip to tk Maxx or homesense? They often have very naice and expensive looking candles for a fraction of the price.

Mydogneedsabath · 02/03/2022 20:36

Valenette scents are great, and the packaging looks suitably special. For £25 ( 3 items) you could maybe introduce MIL to another company than JM.

YisforWanky · 02/03/2022 20:36

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

The really small ones are £25. I don't think that's a crazy amount to spend on a Mother's Day gift (though it is for a candle but if that's what she likes).
Depends on how much disposable money you have. I would laugh at the idea of spending £25 on a candle. My mum would be horrified if I spent £25 on a MD gift, as she would know I couldn't afford it. She's more than happy with a card (as am I, from my DC, who are also skint).
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/03/2022 20:36

An alternative idea is to ask her if she can keep/does keep the candles when they've burnt down. They usually leave a cm in the bottom of the jars. She could save them for you then dh/the kids could melt them down and pour into fun shaped moulds.

Then she gets her favourite scents into wax melts. Just buy a melt holder to go with the homemade melts.

YisforWanky · 02/03/2022 20:37

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

An alternative idea is to ask her if she can keep/does keep the candles when they've burnt down. They usually leave a cm in the bottom of the jars. She could save them for you then dh/the kids could melt them down and pour into fun shaped moulds.

Then she gets her favourite scents into wax melts. Just buy a melt holder to go with the homemade melts.

This is a lovely idea.
crochetmonkey74 · 02/03/2022 20:38

Can I make a tangent suggestion and bin off the candle and make her 'breakfast in a bag' instead. I did this as gifts in a skint year and they went down so well, people have asked for them again.
I got gift bags and made all different breakfasts according to taste : bake your own rolls and pack of bacon or sausages and OJ, pancake mix , berries and maple syrup, granola yogurt sourdough and marmalade etc. They were such a massive hit (I was relieved as I wasnt sure they would be)

Moneyhunter · 02/03/2022 20:38

Puts a new meaning on heat or eat.
Can you get her a small JM gift card that she can put towards a candle

XingMing · 02/03/2022 20:39

Someone gave me a River Spey candle made from soy wax. I haven't lit it as DH isn't keen on scents generally, but it smells subtle and looks quite expensive, with chic packaging. Jo Malone is an easy but expensive cop out that's a bit impersonal. It's what you would buy someone you have to impress but don't know personally. So maybe the right line is, I know you love JM, but this is something I think you'll love even more because it's eco-friendly or whatever. But if she wants JM just for bragging rights, you are on a hiding to nowhere.

Mistressiggi · 02/03/2022 20:39

@yoyo1234

I hate relatives asking for specific gifts (expensive ones) without thinking about whether they are appropriate in the circumstances. £60 for a mother's Day request seems expensive and if it is when money is short then you/DH needs to say something.
She hasn't though, OP just said she asked for a new scented candle.
Moneyhunter · 02/03/2022 20:41

@Lesperance

The OP doesn't really need candle advice, the problem is the DH who is putting his mother above food. He needs to find the money from somewhere else. Can you ring fence it in some way OP so that you spend it on food before he spends it on a gift?
Or can anybody recommend anything nice scent/candle wise that wouldn't get wasted like a Yankee candle would?
Mistressiggi · 02/03/2022 20:41

Some suggestions on here for local type candles - does she have a connection with anywhere, a favourite holiday place - as I'm sure you could find a candle company from Devon, Arran, Ireland etc.

MyDcAreMarvel · 02/03/2022 20:41

and frankly I think it's a waste), but DH really wants to get something nice for his mum. so basically you are snobby about candles, I don’t like them either but I wouldn’t try and stop my dh buying a lovely present for his mum.