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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jo Malone candles and MIL.

448 replies

Flatdeadfrog · 02/03/2022 19:34

I've name changed as details are a little bit outing as I've talked to friends about this.

My MIL is a bit of a scented candle aficionado and can be a bit precious about the types of scented candles she'll have in the house. That's fair enough, as you like what you like. BUT for mothers day, she has specified she wants a new scented candle for her hall.

DH likes to oblige his mum as she's actually lovely, but his default is to just buy an expensive Jo Malone candle. We don't actually have a Jo Malone budget, as we are feeling the pinch as I am on maternity leave and we're struggling a bit financially because of it.

DH and I have had an argument about it tonight, as I feel that MIL would be upset to think that we're spending our weekly food budget on an expensive candle (and frankly I think it's a waste), but DH really wants to get something nice for his mum. MIL loves scented candles, but something cheaper like a Yankee candle would just be shoved to the back of the cupboard.

AIBU to think MIL can do without a candle this year? Or can anybody recommend anything nice scent/candle wise that wouldn't get wasted like a Yankee candle would?

MIL is lovely, she would be appalled at the idea we'd spent our weekly food shop on a candle, but DH can't see past getting his mum a gift for mothers day and getting what she's asked for.

OP posts:
wednesday32 · 02/03/2022 22:37

Why not go with the £16 candle from Zara. They’re made by Jo Malone. If you want to add more to the gift then I would recommend getting the jo malone autobiography, interesting read and makes a lovely coffee table book for afterwards. For alternative brands look at diptyque, the white company and woodwick x

Pugsnotdrugs101 · 02/03/2022 22:37

Oliver bonas candles are lovely!

ThanksItHasPockets · 02/03/2022 22:38

I’m choosy about candles and I’m sorry but I won’t touch Yankee with a barge pole. Another vote from me for Valentte, which are superb quality soy wax (which Jo Malone are not, incidentally).

wanttomarryamillionaire · 02/03/2022 22:39

@DillDanding

If she loves Jo Malone - the Aldi ones would be an insult, and don't go near Yankee - they are atrocious.

White Company are good and much cheaper. But honestly - if you're skint, your mil should be sensitive to this and be insisting that you buy her nothing at all.

I agree, yankee candles are truly revolting. However I disagree with pp who say the white company, they smell extremely synthetic and fake.
BrightYellowDaffodil · 02/03/2022 22:41

I’m very particular about candles - sorry, I can’t stand Yankee or other ones that smell artificial - and I absolutely adore the Botanical Candle Company. You could buy her one of the larger jar candles for about £15 and you can buy fancy matches etc (I covet the wick trimmer…) if you want to make it up to a larger gift.

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/03/2022 22:42

Agree an Aldi candle might come across a bit tight

Motnight · 02/03/2022 22:42

Valnette candles and diffusers are lovely as others have said. I use them a lot, and also have Jo Malone candles.

Littlepaws18 · 02/03/2022 22:45

EBay or tkmax, both branded products for budget price!

queenofarles · 02/03/2022 22:45

Just did a search on eBay loads of JM candles , particularly pomegranate noir , wonder if it’s a corporate Xmas gift .

champagnetruffleshuffle · 02/03/2022 22:45

@Stath please can you post a link to the flowers?

(misses point of thread!)

halfgirlhalfturnip · 02/03/2022 22:46

My votes are Zara emotions (jo malone created) or essence of Harris

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/03/2022 22:46

@QweenBea

Get her a photo frame with a photo of the new GC in it for the hall
@QweenBea

That’s not what she’s asked for though is it?
We’re talking about a Mother’s Day gift…the clue is in the title, it’s about what she would like, and what she has specified is a scented candle not a photo of new GC. Not everything revolves around the kids!!

MrsMiddleMother · 02/03/2022 22:51

Sorry but why the fuck is it you sourcing and wrapping it? Its his mother! If you're dmil is really as lovely as you say then I would be saying to her myself we just don't have the money available at the moment given that you're on maternity so is there anything else she would like.

PiratePetespajamas · 02/03/2022 23:01

I love a really nice scented candle - but hate a cheap and nasty one with a passion, and far too many give me a headache!

This is a lovely company, they only have a few scents but they’re all good - and they are much, MUCH cheaper than Jo Malone.

fielddayireland.co.uk/candles

Grapewrath · 02/03/2022 23:03

Sand and Fog are the best candles ever and I’ve tried them all.
Homesense or tkmaxx

MrsPsmalls · 02/03/2022 23:04

Please don't get her something she doesn't want. I honestly would tell her that you both know she would have loved a Jo Malone candle, but you haven't been able to afford it this year. You hope to be able to treat her sometime soon if your finances improve.

TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine · 02/03/2022 23:04

Did DH ask what she wanted for Mother’s Day, and she (not thinking money may be tight whilst you’re on mat leave) suggested a Jo Malone candle as something easy to source and that she knows she will like? Does he have form for forking out for gifts she doesn’t like, and she thinks she’s making sure he doesn’t waste money? I’m hoping there’s a good reason behind the request, and that if you quietly explain the financial situation to her she will let your DH know something else (cheaper) that she can tell him she would much prefer.

(Incidentally, what do people dislike about Yankee candles? I don’t like the sweet scents but the others are lovely, and I thought I was a candle snob!)

Fernandina · 02/03/2022 23:07

Get thee down to TK Maxx or Home Sense (same difference) and look at all their candles. Hundreds of the buggers, and loads by names you've never heard of. Get a fancy-looking nice smelling one of them.

tricky29 · 02/03/2022 23:08

People like what they like (I couldn’t spend that on a candle for but if I could afford it, might buy it as a gift).

The big problem here is that you can’t afford it. As a solution, I’d buy a beautiful handmade candle and ask MIL for lunch at your’s and, if you want to, you can say ‘if we could afford JM we’d buy it but we can’t, we want to see you and hope you love this handmade (not mass-produced, not bought out by Estée Lauder) candle.’

The bigger problem is how your DH feels so compelled to spend money you don’t have.

Either SHE makes him feel that he should or HE feels that he should and he needs to see that’s not right - is he over-compensating for something/someone else?

If she IS lovely, she’d be upset he feels that way.

Closetbeanmuncher · 02/03/2022 23:08

If i was spending that much on a candle Diptique all the way, Jo Malone is overrated imho...

Cheaper and way nicer....

Boysmells avaliable at space NK, 15% off first order with code FIRST15 and free delivery over £25.

Earl of east also do some really nice ones, onsen is a personal favorite of mine. Buy direct from their website for the full range.

Original poster
Flatdeadfrog · 02/03/2022 23:08

@MrsMiddleMother

Sorry but why the fuck is it you sourcing and wrapping it? Its his mother! If you're dmil is really as lovely as you say then I would be saying to her myself we just don't have the money available at the moment given that you're on maternity so is there anything else she would like.
Because the default is that it will end up being me as these things usually are, because he'll forget or not have time and ask me to do it because "I have the time". That's a whole other thread about "wife-work". Angry

Regardless of that, there have been some brilliant ideas about alternative candles. TBH, I'm that irritated by DH, I'm very tempted to just go to IKEA and get a job lot of their vanilla scented tea lights and give MIL one of them.

OP posts:
ColdCottage · 02/03/2022 23:08

@DeckTheHallsWithGin

The Zara ones by Jo Loves ie Jo Malone are much cheaper and just as good.
Jo Loves normal candles are more than Jo Malone so if Zara do a cheaper range of these great call.
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 02/03/2022 23:09

White company have lovely candles and are much cheaper

Lampan · 02/03/2022 23:10

@Frollop

Are Diptyque candles worry the money?
@Frollop I wouldn’t say so, no. I was bought one as a gift and while the smell was amazing, it was the smokiest candle I’ve ever had and the wick kept splitting. I think it was smoky cos it’s part paraffin wax rather than all soy wax like some of the other high-end brands. I’ve had very nice candles from TK Maxx at a 10th of the price
Ibizafun · 02/03/2022 23:15

I have both Jo Malone and the Aldi cheap copies and there's not much between them. I think a compromise is the best idea, plenty of lovely scents around not for silly prices

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