To make my 14yr old packed lunch?

[Straightupp]

Don't want to drip feed, basic back story is that my DP thinks my DS could do much more around the house/for himself. I do fully agree but i mostly don't push it because it's so much easier to just do it myself. That said we do have certain rules e.g he does all his own washing up, keeps room tidy etc. He gets himself up, ready and off to school without any intervention from me and on weekends/school hols he makes his own breakfast/lunch every day and about 2 evenings a week makes his own dinner (obviously nothing special, something in the oven or a simple pasta etc)
Me and DP had different upbringings, my DM never made me lift a finger literally and my DP cooked all meals for himself after he was 16 and had a job by 14. I think this is partly why we disagree on things.

So my AIBU is basically i was making DS's lunch. I was also making toddlers and my own for work so i do them all together. DP informs me that my DS should be making his own packed lunch at 14. He is more than capable but 1. I'm already making 2 lunches anyway and 2. Is it not my choice if i want to make his lunch?
And lastly to add my DP does next to nothing around the house so i pick up his slack too yet he never complains when i've washed and put away his clothes, done his washing up or made him a meal....AIBU?

I do that plus more for my 14 year old!

My DH makes mine, so no yanbu making them all together.

As your DS is already doing lots around the house and some cooking, I'd carry on as you are. Your DS could always do one day of making packed lunch for himself, you and the toddler.

However I'd do less for your DP if he's being so lazy. Clearly he is the one who needs training up as an adult!

Ironic that dp expects to be babied but a 14 yo (who does loads more than him) is taking the piss?

No he sounds absolutely fine. Your son does his own breakfast each day, breakfast & lunch at weekends and 2 evening meals. It makes sense to do 3 lunches not 2 then him do his if you all have similar.
Is dp his dad? It’s normal to do things for your children. Yes encourage skills and independence but he’s your child.
I’d have a serious look at what dp does and why you tolerate it.

YANBU to make it.
Similarly it isn't unreasonable for him to make it.
What is important is he knows how to make it... would he be capable of making his, yours and toddlers for example if you were having an emergency?

Also, your DP needs to learn to look after himself better too.

YANBU. It sounds as if your DS does plenty. You are just being nice to do his lunch sometimes. That’s what parents do.

Leave some of your DH’s stuff and when he asks where his clean pants are you can tell him that he should be doing it himself at 42.

He’s 14 he’s still a child if you want to make his lunch, you do that. I’m with you, he does enough round the house and to be honest why make two loads of mess in the kitchen if your already making lunch? Say to DH, seeing as your so concerned about my work load I’ll start doing less for you, not my children

Your DS sounds like he's already doing more for himself than your DP does! I'd just carry on making your DS' lunches and ignore your DP.

I would make lunch for others in house if making my own and toddlers. Sound like ds is capable and independent on other days I don't think making a sandwich for him will spoil him. Would be different if you forgot one day and ds expected you to come and do it but doesn't sound like that is the case.

I do my 14 year olds for 2 reasons.

It is healthier if i make it..

Far better for using up food too.

I find it odd him doing the seperate things.

I tend to wash dishes- my son puts away.

He cooks one or 2 days a week. He does the rest.. i am at home today/ working late tomorrow so i have cooked a healthy meal this morning he can heat up when he is hungry- i can heat mine up when i get home..

For me its about team work.. by doing it separately your dh opts out.

Your making two packed lunches anyway - why would a third make any difference?
Does DP make his own?

And lastly to add my DP does next to nothing around the house so i pick up his slack too yet he never complains when i've washed and put away his clothes, done his washing up or made him a meal....AIBU?

This is your problem, 14 year old does more than enough for himself, dp sounds like a cocklodger.

I think if you don’t mind and he appreciates the fact that you do it, that’s fine.
My secondary school children (11 and 15) make their own lunches though. In my mind it’s part of getting them to think ahead about what they need for the next day, it’s a good mindset to get into.
Your DP sounds like a pain, he wants you to pick up after him but not after a child? Give his head a wobble!

@MatildaTheCat

YANBU. It sounds as if your DS does plenty. You are just being nice to do his lunch sometimes. That’s what parents do.

Leave some of your DH’s stuff and when he asks where his clean pants are you can tell him that he should be doing it himself at 42.

This

Remind him “but you had a job at 14, and did all your own cooking at 16. I don’t want to spoil you when you’re so independent”

Though I couldn’t live with someone who begrudged me doing something nice for my son, but expect me to do it for them.

Yanbu. Why do some men always do this to their step kids? It's so shitty and unnecessarily competitive. Tell him to piss off

Your DS sounds fantastic. He does a little more than my son - although I am proud he can make dinner for us all if I ask.

I do all the packed lunches. Not because the kids can't. But because I (am controlling,) know what I have bought for lunches and need to eek it out over the week. And its quicker and easier for one person to do 3 than 3 people to do 1 each.

I make my 19 year old lunches

What? Your dp, who does bugger all round the house, wants your 14yo ds to do more than he does??Bonkers. I'd laugh in his face. (Then spoilt the chores equally so I wasn't doing everything.)

Worth pointing out that your dps upbringing clearly hasnt instilled a work ethic to clean up after himself so what is his point regarding your ds?

Makes sense to me if one person is doing the packed lunches to do them for everyone. I would have thought that'd be far easier. Just because he's 14 doesn't mean you don't do anything for him anymore.

I don’t make dh his lunch but I would for ds or dd. In my mind dh is a grown man, the kids are still growing and it’s my responsibility to encourage them to eat properly so I would happily do it.

I would struggle to live with someone who tried to tell me how to parent my own child tbh. Particularly when his own upbringing hadn’t stopped him from becoming a lazy partner.

If the issue is that your DS isn't at all independent, your DP might have a point. But it sounds like he is. Also, it makes no sense for two people to make packed lunches when one person can just do it all at once.

But perhaps it's time for you to stop doing things for your DP?

@Dixiechickonhols no DP isn't his dad.
I think that's what annoys me most is that DP honestly has never operated a washing machine or EVER cooked the family a meal yet i'm doing too much by making DS lunch for school.

DS does know how to make it, i do a lunch 3x per week the other 2 he has school dinner but if he ever asks for a packed lunch on the days i dont usually make him one i ask him to do it himself which he does with no fuss.

@Starlightstarbright1 yes i definitely agree it is much healthier if i make it, DS's own pack up of choice would be chocolate spread sandwich, crisps and chocolate! He is very fussy with food so it is important to me that i try to get as much healthy food into him that i can!

@HangOnToYourself

And lastly to add my DP does next to nothing around the house so i pick up his slack too yet he never complains when i've washed and put away his clothes, done his washing up or made him a meal....AIBU?

This is your problem, 14 year old does more than enough for himself, dp sounds like a cocklodger.

a jealous cocklodger