AIBU to not invite her to my Baby Shower?

[BabygirlMum1992]

Just looking for difference in opinions really if I may.

I have a baby shower planned for April. Invites have been sent and I have had a lot of people come back to say they would love to come, family included from both sides and my Boyfriend’s side. Really looking forward to it.

I haven’t invited one of my cousins, I’ll call her Emily. The reason for this is I’m not close with her, she’s given me no congratulations whatsoever over my pregnancy and hasn’t reached out to me or family to contact us since her parent’s divorced (my auntie is her mum- my mum’s sister). Since the divorce she has kept her distance from her mum's side of the family.

Everyone who is coming has been quite close to me over past few years and recently. I’ve also had a hearty congrats from them all either in person or a quick message online. Why would I want to invite someone who hasn’t even responded to any of my family’s messages for years because she doesn’t see herself as part of ‘this side of the family anymore’ , ignores birthdays to any of us, no happy birthdays on Facebook despite us all saying it to her to keep Auntie happy. I have been made to feel awful from my Nan and my Auntie for not inviting her…?

Basically been told I need to realise she is family also so an invite could be sent out ‘even if she says no’ ?! But my argument is shouldn’t she realise she has family also? I didn’t mean to not invite her deliberately, I just want my closest people there. I didn't do it out of spite despite what they think.

My mum has agreed to only invite who I want and supports me. She has been upset in the past with Emily over low contact and ignore of messages. No thank yous, and no appearances at family gatherings for the last 4 years.

Emily lives midlands way, we are South East. She does occasionally travel down to see family and friends but has not been to any family gatherings for a couple of years now.

There are a couple of cousins on my side of the family who are distant that I also haven’t invited but they live a couple of hours away from us and probably wouldn’t come as we aren’t close, I wouldn’t want to put them in the position anyway and they would probably be mature enough to understand that.

Am I being unreasonable for not inviting her? Even if it is just to keep other people happy if I did?

No, you aren't. I wouldn't invite her.

Your party, your choice.

Lots of people don't like or are superstitious about baby showers, so I would just keep it to a handful of close friends/family.

Honestly I doubt she’ll care either way.

Baby showers can be a bit of a drag, I certainly wouldn’t travel that far for one!

@HadaVerde that's what I thought.

I think you’re drastically over estimating the importance of your baby shower to other people.

Ok thanks everyone. Just don't appreciate the pressure I'm getting from this. If I wasn't invited to her's they wouldn't give two tosses.

@Mrstwiddle that's the thing though- I'm not at all. They are. I've kept it so discrete??

YANBU at all. I had this for my wedding. We had a couple of aunts and cousins who had distanced themselves for years, so I saw no need to invite them to my wedding.

I was guilt tripped by my mum and sisters, but I genuinely didn't see the point who had chosen to go low contact (basically no contact).

They did get annoyed they weren't invited but what could I do?

@Mrstwiddle

I think you’re drastically over estimating the importance of your baby shower to other people.

I don't think that's the point of OP's post at all. She doesn't thing it's a huge thing, but she is being guild tripped by her family. So mean.

@Fraine same situation as me. It's only a baby shower not even a wedding.

I was told 'she's family so could have at least got an invite' I have much closer friends than some family members.

My Nan is the type to sit there with a face like a smacked ass now and not interact with anyone just because she wasn't invited.

I very much doubt that she would care, to be honest. I don't think she owes you any kind of congratulations about your pregnancy, and I don't think you owe her any kind of invitation. Why would she want to go to a party celebrating the pregnancy of someone she doesn't actually know very well or spend any time with?

Also keep in mind you don't know what's going on for her - she might be having struggles of her own and find baby related events distressing or difficult.

I suspect that Emily wouldn’t be interested in coming to a baby shower as she hadn’t been to family events in the last four years.

@LittleGwyneth I do agree. It was her mum and my Nan who have taken offence, haven't actually even heard from her to say she's offended!

@GinIronic exactly!

Certain people in the family don't see that though, they thought the invite 'could have at least been sent' and she could have given a no answer if she wanted to...?

I think if there were so many drama queens in my family I wouldn't bother having a baby shower at all. Or have one just for friends.

Well those certain people can invite Emily to their baby shower. Numbers are limited.

Enjoy

Yeah your Nan needs to chill. I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.

@Catflapkitkat thank you

I thought the idea of baby showers was that someone else organises them?

Tell your nan that you are respecting Emily's decision to be low-contact.

It might be politic to send an invite for if "you're in the area and would like to pop in". If I were Emily, I'd be happy to get out of this and such a loose invitation if enough to placate the matriarch of the family.

She probably wouldn’t come even if you did invite her.

I think baby showers are unreasonable and avoid having and/or going to them.

Invite who you like, stop caring if people are offended or not.

@AlternativePerspective yes my friend and my two sisters and mum is organising it but I have them the list of people I wanted to invite