Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not invite her to my Baby Shower?

94 replies

BabygirlMum1992 · 02/03/2022 11:16

Just looking for difference in opinions really if I may.

I have a baby shower planned for April. Invites have been sent and I have had a lot of people come back to say they would love to come, family included from both sides and my Boyfriend’s side. Really looking forward to it.

I haven’t invited one of my cousins, I’ll call her Emily. The reason for this is I’m not close with her, she’s given me no congratulations whatsoever over my pregnancy and hasn’t reached out to me or family to contact us since her parent’s divorced (my auntie is her mum- my mum’s sister). Since the divorce she has kept her distance from her mum's side of the family.

Everyone who is coming has been quite close to me over past few years and recently. I’ve also had a hearty congrats from them all either in person or a quick message online. Why would I want to invite someone who hasn’t even responded to any of my family’s messages for years because she doesn’t see herself as part of ‘this side of the family anymore’ , ignores birthdays to any of us, no happy birthdays on Facebook despite us all saying it to her to keep Auntie happy. I have been made to feel awful from my Nan and my Auntie for not inviting her…?

Basically been told I need to realise she is family also so an invite could be sent out ‘even if she says no’ ?! But my argument is shouldn’t she realise she has family also? I didn’t mean to not invite her deliberately, I just want my closest people there. I didn't do it out of spite despite what they think.

My mum has agreed to only invite who I want and supports me. She has been upset in the past with Emily over low contact and ignore of messages. No thank yous, and no appearances at family gatherings for the last 4 years.

Emily lives midlands way, we are South East. She does occasionally travel down to see family and friends but has not been to any family gatherings for a couple of years now.

There are a couple of cousins on my side of the family who are distant that I also haven’t invited but they live a couple of hours away from us and probably wouldn’t come as we aren’t close, I wouldn’t want to put them in the position anyway and they would probably be mature enough to understand that.

Am I being unreasonable for not inviting her? Even if it is just to keep other people happy if I did? Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
BabygirlMum1992 · 02/03/2022 12:55

@Joinedforthis22 I will be paying towards the events for food et , we are supply food and drink for everyone as well as I think 'bags' or thank you favours are being organised. I really appreciate everyone who is making an effort to come.

OP posts:
Sally872 · 02/03/2022 12:57

Your aunt is probably sad she isn't close to her side of family since divorce and you not inviting highlights it.

Bunty55 · 02/03/2022 13:01

I don't understand why she has to reach out to you since her parents divorce OP?
It's really none of your business is it ?

Grinling · 02/03/2022 13:02

[quote BabygirlMum1992]@TabithaTittlemouse I haven't reached out to her. My sister did over Christmas and was ignored. We can see she is on social media leading a happy life with her partner, we sort of leave her to it but no I haven't reached out. [/quote]
But by 'reaching out', do you mean your sister sent her a message on FB or something? Presumably a baby shower invitation would also be a quick text or similar that would take 30 seconds and just say 'Baby shower happening on x date drop by if you're around' I mean, you're not sending out handwritten letters of invitation on handmade paper with gold-leaf capitals delivered by pink-dyed messenger pigeon, or anything, and she definitely won't come, so you've kept your older relatives happy at zero cost in time, expense or thought?

Joinedforthis22 · 02/03/2022 13:05

[quote BabygirlMum1992]@Joinedforthis22 I will be paying towards the events for food et , we are supply food and drink for everyone as well as I think 'bags' or thank you favours are being organised. I really appreciate everyone who is making an effort to come. [/quote]
Don't worry, I'm sure your friends and family will enjoy it, it's mainly people who don't actually go to baby showers or have never been invited to one who "loathe" them Wink

Donson · 02/03/2022 13:05

I’m sure she couldn’t give a toss if she’s invited or not, don’t worry about it.

MissMaple82 · 02/03/2022 13:12

Why do people need congratulating because they have reproduced!!!

BobHadBitchTits · 02/03/2022 13:13

You'll be doing her a favour by not inviting her.

Original poster
BabygirlMum1992 · 02/03/2022 13:14

@Joinedforthis22 totally agree.

OP posts:
Original poster
BabygirlMum1992 · 02/03/2022 13:14

@MissMaple82

Why do people need congratulating because they have reproduced!!!
Because we are awesome Grin
OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 02/03/2022 13:14

I think you are unreasonable for, A - Having a baby shower, B - For expecting a congratulations from everybody and C - For not including a family member

Fraine · 02/03/2022 13:16

@Bunty55

I don't understand why she has to reach out to you since her parents divorce OP? It's really none of your business is it ?
It's usual to send a text at least when someone has a baby.

Given the cousin hasn't responded to messages from OP's family, I think it's better to leave any reaching out to this cousin, who seems to have gone NC.

Original poster
BabygirlMum1992 · 02/03/2022 13:17

@Sally872 I did think that too.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 02/03/2022 13:18

@Mrstwiddle

I think you’re drastically over estimating the importance of your baby shower to other people.
How could you read the opening post and get that it's the Op that thinks the baby shower is that important? It's her aunt and nan that are the ones making it into a big deal

YANBU OP

AryaStarkWolf · 02/03/2022 13:22

@MissMaple82

Why do people need congratulating because they have reproduced!!!
Oh fgs, you sound like an absolute joy. Do you have an issue with Happy Birthday too, those assholes expecting wishes of happiness just because they were born!!
Joinedforthis22 · 02/03/2022 13:23

@MissMaple82 do you also think the same about weddings and birthdays? What about graduations? New job, moving house, learning to drive, being christened, bat mitzvahs?

PurpleDaisies · 02/03/2022 13:28

It's usual to send a text at least when someone has a baby.

The op isn’t in touch.
The op hasn’t had the baby yet.

Original poster
BabygirlMum1992 · 02/03/2022 13:29

@PurpleDaisies we've made contact with Emily and we've had no response. I haven't but my sisters have and also my parents and other members of family

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 02/03/2022 13:30

Emily has chosen to distance herself from your side of the family - it seems odd that your side of the family can't accept that. If the only way to get your DGM and DM off your back is to 'reach out' then just contact her with a quick text to say 'hi, hope you're well, I'm having a baby shower on X, it would be lovely to see you if you're able to make it' and leave it at that.

Emily will no doubt not come for all the many reasons already given and everyone will be happy in their own way.

Original poster
BabygirlMum1992 · 02/03/2022 13:39

@SirChenjins thanks for your comment. I suppose I feel like we have reached out before and received nothing back so it's just efforts wasted again.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 02/03/2022 13:42

[quote BabygirlMum1992]@PurpleDaisies we've made contact with Emily and we've had no response. I haven't but my sisters have and also my parents and other members of family [/quote]
So none of you are in touch with her (by that I mean you’re in a two way conversation by text/email/whatever).

I don’t understand why anyone would think she’d be remotely bothered about being invited.

Original poster
BabygirlMum1992 · 02/03/2022 13:43

@PurpleDaisies well that's what I thought. My grandma and auntie have taken offence that other members of the family were invited (who I am closer to and in contact with) but not her I suppose.

OP posts:
Satingreenshutters · 02/03/2022 14:07

Ahhhhh Baby Showers.....pretentious, over the top, grabby, tacky, over the top excuse for people to shower you and your bump with presents. Same as gender reveal parties....all borrowed from America.

Believe me Emily is having her very own "Thank Feck I don't have to go to that" Shower. Same as I would. Have not gone to one I was invited to yet. Ridiculous things. I will however make a huge fuss when the baby is actually here. Like people have done for centuries.

Original poster
BabygirlMum1992 · 02/03/2022 14:11

That's great then [smile]@Satingreenshutters

OP posts:
DuvetHugger · 02/03/2022 14:14

@Mrstwiddle I would say quite the opposite. Other people are making out it is important to invite her.

I was wondering how long it would take for a baby shower basher to come along

Swipe left for the next trending thread