Page 5 | "The pram doesnt go in the house before the baby does"

PyongyangKipperbang · 2022-03-02T01:39:00+00:00

Just watching some call the midwife on catch up. A father who has had a few says "I can see the pram from here [in the hall of their home], that makes me happy!" But it wouldnt have been in the house would it? My grandma and my mother were both absolutely horrified when I bought my pram and took it home. It was horribly bad luck. I was led to believe that this was standard, it really upset my grandma in particular. Of course what it really was was that back then there was a much bigger risk of the baby not coming home, so you made sure the baby was alive before buying the pram. This wasnt just my family was it? I just dont remember anyone else who had kids after me, I was pretty much the first in my group, getting this from their mothers so it has made me wonder....

Onaloop · 02/03/2022 08:03

First pregnancy I bought nothing I guess out of some kind of superstition but I went on to have stillbirth.

Second pregnancy I bought everything before the birth as I realised it doesn't effect anything anyway.

Mrsmch123 · 02/03/2022 08:04

I had all my babies stuff set up and ready around 30 weeks. My thinking was that no matter the outcome I wouldn't suddenly forget that I had a baby if things when wrong so wouldn't matter if the stuff was there. I would have to deal with it either way.

Bumtum126 · 02/03/2022 08:05

Because of the pram ?

sashh · 02/03/2022 08:07

@PurpleFlower1983

Ours was upstairs in the attic ready to be set up, same with the cot. We live in much safer times where childbirth is concerned. Not so long ago it was much higher risk for both mother and baby.

And it wasn't just the possibility of a still birth, there are other factors, we have NICU units now, when did that start?

Premature babies did not live very long.

Things like congenital heart defects were harder to treat, surgery often couldn't be carried out until 1 year old.

I mentioned my mother upthread, she was exposed to rubella in early pregnancy so she didn't know if she was carrying a disabled child or one that wouldn't live.

I'm sure that was not uncommon and my mother was probably lucky that it was a relative so she received gama globulin.

SartresSoul · 02/03/2022 08:08

Yep, you’re right. My Gran was mortified that I’d even bought a pram before my eldest was born let alone had it in the house. She offered to keep all of my baby furniture at hers until he was born. Then again, her eldest child was stillborn due to preeclampsia and it was much more commonplace then.

Clabbage · 02/03/2022 08:09

I remember a pregnant woman with a cigarette in her hand emphatically telling me the dangers of bringing the pram in the house before baby was born. The power of superstition over science, I guess…

Grinling · 02/03/2022 08:09

I mentally class that with pregnancy superstitions like not raising your arms over your head for fear of looping the umbilical cord around the baby’s neck.

toomuchlaundry · 02/03/2022 08:11

What about car seats, surely you can’t risk buying them last thing?

Not having things in the house also probably only works if you have relatives nearby who can store or sort out everything whilst you are still in hospital

RosesAndHellebores · 02/03/2022 08:15

I agree with the op. Had my first in 1994. Pram and cot were put in the shed. It was an absolute ball ache assembling them with a days old baby in the house.

Thatsplentyjack · 02/03/2022 08:15

Yup my partners mum bought us a pram for all our kids (lovely of her) but she was horrified at the thought of me taking it home before the baby was born, but she's very superstitious. She's younger than Mt mum aswell! I brought it home and set it up anyway.

Thatsplentyjack · 02/03/2022 08:17

What about car seats, surely you can’t risk buying them last thing?

This superstition is quite old, there would have been no car seats in the days this became a thing, but ibsuppose the same would probably apply for people that still believe it.

Littlebutload · 02/03/2022 08:18

My mam is very keen on this superstition and thinks you shouldn't buy anything before the baby arrives. I'm pregnant but already have an older child so have all the bits. I'd leant someone a baby thing and they returned it to my parents house ages ago. Last week I asked my mam was it still there and that I might take it next time I was over. She was horrified and says it should stay at her house until I have the baby!

FTEngineerM · 02/03/2022 08:19

@Clabbage

I remember a pregnant woman with a cigarette in her hand emphatically telling me the dangers of bringing the pram in the house before baby was born. The power of superstition over science, I guess…

😂

ThatsNotMyGolem · 02/03/2022 08:20

The sooner these superstitions die off, the better. It's pathetic.

FTEngineerM · 02/03/2022 08:20

I bought it all before mine were born. Set it up too and would fold his cute little clothes marie kondo stylie.

If he were to die during pregnancy or childbirth the least of my worries would be a pram..

minniep · 02/03/2022 08:21

On my first I had nothing in the house at all. I'd a few bits bought and a deposit on the pram but that was it. I was a bit more organised on my second and third but I wouldn't be a fan of buying stuff in early pregnancy and I don't personally like baby showers or having too much stuff ready. I think it's each to their own. I don't think it's fair to say that the older generation are being ridiculous with these superstitions as many families in the not too distant past had so much heartbreak regarding pregnancy and childbirth for issues that wouldn't be a problem today.

WhatNoRaisins · 02/03/2022 08:22

I can see how this worked better in the days where you were kept in hospital for a week and had local family who were expected to help.

LetHimHaveIt · 02/03/2022 08:22

I loathe superstitions anyway, but this one has actually made me angry as it's not merely silly, it's fucking dangerous. Anything that might lead to a woman who has had a stillbirth, believing that it wasn't for a reason utterly beyond her control, but rather, because of failure to observe some ducking stupid OWT, is just unacceptable. I bet there was some bollocks about walking widdershins three times around the scullery before tying your dressing gown cord if you saw a dog on the Sabbath before your EDD. Dangerous bs.

BobHadBitchTits · 02/03/2022 08:24

@naffusername

You are right.

I didn't have the pram or the cot in the house before number one son was born.

My Mum drilled it into me.

I knew about the pram but not the cot!

We bought our pram from a lovely family run business. They offer to store your pram for as long as you require for this reason.

Parker231 · 02/03/2022 08:25

We ordered all the baby gear from John Lewis and had it delivered before the DT’s were born. Don’t follow the superstition of not having it in the house before the baby.

DyingForACuppa · 02/03/2022 08:26

My mum commented about me getting all the baby stuff before the baby because it wasn't done when she was pregnant with her first.

I pointed out that as I was buying second hand/getting from freecycle I had to grab stuff when it was available.

HardbackWriter · 02/03/2022 08:27

I loathe superstitions anyway, but this one has actually made me angry as it's not merely silly, it's fucking dangerous. Anything that might lead to a woman who has had a stillbirth, believing that it wasn't for a reason utterly beyond her control, but rather, because of failure to observe some ducking stupid OWT, is just unacceptable.

I really agree with this - it's a way of reassuring some women that they'll be ok because the other women must have done something 'wrong', which is really horrible. It's obviously not at all comparable to stillbirth but when I was going through recurrent miscarriage a relative basically made me feel that it was my fault for getting too 'excited' about the pregnancies too early and so it was my fault I was upset because I'd got too attached (and it felt like they were saying on some level that it was my fault that it kept happening at all, like my unseemly desire to have a pregnancy work out was dooming them). It was, obviously, really upsetting.

beenaroundtheblox · 02/03/2022 08:36

I researched this a lot a few years ago. It was mainly a class thing. Poorer people lost so many more babies (and mothers) due to poorer medical care amongst other things. The richer people didn't have so much of a high infant mortality rate. This is where this comes from. Also the fact that buying anything was harder for some people so didn't want anything to be bought unnecessarily. Makes you so glad to be alive now doesn't it!

EarlGreywithLemon · 02/03/2022 08:37

@HardbackWriter

I loathe superstitions anyway, but this one has actually made me angry as it's not merely silly, it's fucking dangerous. Anything that might lead to a woman who has had a stillbirth, believing that it wasn't for a reason utterly beyond her control, but rather, because of failure to observe some ducking stupid OWT, is just unacceptable.

I really agree with this - it's a way of reassuring some women that they'll be ok because the other women must have done something 'wrong', which is really horrible. It's obviously not at all comparable to stillbirth but when I was going through recurrent miscarriage a relative basically made me feel that it was my fault for getting too 'excited' about the pregnancies too early and so it was my fault I was upset because I'd got too attached (and it felt like they were saying on some level that it was my fault that it kept happening at all, like my unseemly desire to have a pregnancy work out was dooming them). It was, obviously, really upsetting.

I’m so sorry you had to face this. I completely agree - it’s not a harmless superstition, and it can heap more stress onto first time mothers at a very stressful time already.

Not least, I really would not want to bring a new baby home to nothing, or rush around to order everything when in hospital. It makes everything so much more difficult and stressful in the incredibly busy and exhausting first few days.

beenaroundtheblox · 02/03/2022 08:40

My close friend lost a baby, born sleeping at 39 weeks. She says she was so glad she had baby stuff at home or else she would have been coming home to an empty house like he'd never existed. I know some people feel the opposite and can't have anything to remind them of their lost baby in the house.