Mrs- a rant

[LetTheBirdsSing]

Does anyone else find themselves constantly having to tell banks, doctors, dentists etc to stop changing their title listed on records to ‘Mrs’?

I have used the title ‘Ms’ since I was about 18 (am now mid 30s). I have never, ever used the title ‘Mrs’, so am 100% certain I have never registered with any organisation as ‘Mrs’. So I’ve always been Ms Jane Doe, did not change my surname when I got married.

So why, why WHY do organisations constantly decide that they know better and change me to ‘Mrs’? My doctors surgery and dentist have both done this. In the last year I kid you not three, yes three, banks that I bank with have suddenly started sending letters to me addressed as ‘Mrs’.

I (politely) complain every time and ask for it to be corrected and each time without fail I get some sort of eye roll-ey response, often with an “are you sure you didn’t change your title to Mrs?” Yes, yes I’m quite sure, thank you. With the banks I have been told each time that I need to go into a branch (good luck finding one still open) to correct their mistake.

Special mention goes to bloody Barclays, the latest offender, who told me that I needed to pay a solicitor to witness a letter confirming my non-existent title change back to Ms. Silence always when I ask them if they’d ask a male customer to go into the branch to correct the bank’s mistake in changing his title to Mrs.

For anyone saying why get worked up about this, it’s firstly about courtesy in getting people’s names right, especially if they are customers giving their money/business to you. But also it shows sloppiness if they can’t look after customer records properly. And who are all these random staff members who keep changing me to ‘Mrs’??? Does this happen to anyone else or am I cursed?

How bizarre and irritating! They shouldn’t change your title unless you ask. I can totally understand why you’re so annoyed.

Same with me. I’m mid 40s. Never been married. No idea why I’ve become Mrs at the GP/hospital. Also, if you want to be pedantic about it, I’m Dr (PhD, not MBChB) - but really always use Ms. It infuriates me. Why should I have to take the trouble to correct a title change I never made!!

No I have never found that. I have found the default is more likely to be Ms.

You're absolutely right. Like a PP I am Dr but mostly use Ms. Never Miss or Mrs.

How odd. I've worked in retail banking on and off for 20 years - to change a title would require a signature and a reason for change and the whole process would be documented on the system or in later times with paperwork filed away somewhere. You could be really pedantic and ask for a subject access request and this might show when/how it was changed to Mrs. It shouldn't just happen by mistake unless you filled in a form and ticked Ms and someone keyed it as Mrs by mistake at some point I.e when opening a new account - and this would then change your title for your whole profile. Hope you get it sorted easily.

I agree with your sentiments, OP, but I have never liked Ms (although I've used it). I think women should just be 'Miss' , especially in professional life. It's easier to pronounce than Ms, for one thing!

Liz Taylor was always 'Miss Elizabeth Taylor', no matter how many times she got married. Of course marital status is no-one else's business but I think Miss would have done the job equally well (too late now, I admit).

it doesn't bother me, as they all mean the same thing, derived from mistress, as a polite form of address.
what does annoy me is letter from eon, electricity company and other suppliers, presuming to address me as, hi firstname.
i find that presumptuous, and far too informal.
i am not their pal. i am a customer.

this is a business communication not a postcard from the seaside.
i have not given them permission to use my first name.

when i worked in public service i would address all women as Ms surname, in letters.
some complained, insisting they were mrs, which i found odd.
i also addressed unknowns as dear madam; that was my default, until and unless i knew they were male.
it was my way to try to level up from all the decades of dear sir being the default.
i never got complaints about that from men or women.
i guess madam was ok but ms was not somehow, to some women.

@HollaHolla

Same with me. I’m mid 40s. Never been married. No idea why I’ve become Mrs at the GP/hospital. Also, if you want to be pedantic about it, I’m Dr (PhD, not MBChB) - but really always use Ms. It infuriates me. Why should I have to take the trouble to correct a title change I never made!!

Using Dr won't necessarily help. My Lufthansa frequent flier account is as Dr, so what they do is send me mail addressed to "Mrs Dr Panda". To make things worse, Ms isn't even an option in their menu. Somebody needs to give them proper English lessons, because what they're doing is simply translating the German style of address. So embarrassing for a global company.

@Aprilx

No I have never found that. I have found the default is more likely to be Ms.

Same. And I'm not Ms. Never have been, never will be. I'm Miss and am fed up with the increasing number of companies where my only choices are Mr or Ms.

anyone use Mx ?

I get the added insult of Mrs Ex where they turn me in to a Mrs and give me ex’s surname despite the fact we were never married. Our son has his surname, I very much regret that decision but it’s salt in the wound to get called Mrs Ex.

I can't get anyone to change me from Miss to Mrs even though they've changed my surname. Does my head in.

yes schools seem to be unable to get their heads round me being Ms x - DD being Miss Y and her dad being Mr Y - they constantly refer to me by HIS name - not MY name

We are divorced and I am Ms X that is my bloody name

My mum is married but kept her name - god that causes drama - bank 'hello Mrs X'
'No Its Ms Y'
'But you are married to Mr X?'
'Yes'
'So you ARE Mrs X'
'NO I AM MS Y'

and repeat

I try not to use any title
If it is obligatory and given a full choice I usually go for Archdeacon or Bishop

Oh, this is so annoying to hear that others get this as well!! Yes, I’ve lost count of the times that I’ve been told by someone (often very insistently) that I am Mrs DH surname.

It both irritates me that it happens in the first place (companies changing my title without my permission) but also they are never apologetic and offering to get it changed back straight away. They always want to push it on to me to inconvenience myself to get it corrected. Their reaction tends to annoy me as much as it being changed in the first place.

That’s really interesting HereComesTheSum as it keeps happening to me with different banks and they never have any explanation as to how it’s happened.

I have used Ms my entire adult life from age 15
I have been married for 20+ years and have always been known as Ms Myname as I kept my own name on marriage

It would take me too long to list here the number of organisations that have helpfully changed either my name, title or status because their systems cannot cope with the fact I am both married and have a different surname to my DH

Offenders: banks, mortgage advisor (we said we were married, gave names, forms came back with 'cohabiting' as our status), passport and DBS (assume that if you use Ms it means you have been married and divorced and must have another surname in the past), DC's school(s), etc etc

Then add in the number of organisations that default to male name as primary customer and it's a whole other level of ridiculous bureaucracy to wade through to sort out their mistakes

As a side note, 'mother's maiden name' is a crap security question. It assumes that the mother is married, changed her name on marriage, and has a different surname to her DC. None of these can or should be assumed.

I use Mrs.
But can't understand why, in the 21st Century, we don't have a title that just means adult woman. Master has disappeared... yet women are still Miss, Ms or Mrs.

@GrumpyPanda I believe in polite German its Herr Doktor and Frau Doktor.

Special mention goes to bloody Barclays, the latest offender, who told me that I needed to pay a solicitor to witness a letter confirming my non-existent title change back to Ms.

Once something gets under my skin I can be a pedantic arse and in this situation I would ask to see their letter from a solicitor that authorized the change to Mrs .
Not got one huh ? well apparently what you (bank) did was illegal then wasn't it !

Reminds me of the time I got the post office to check my daughter’s first passport application. They told me I have incorrectly out her down as “Ms” and she should be “miss”. I said as they had taken “master” off the form and her brothers had gone straight to “Mr” then it is appropriate she is “Ms”! They persisted in telling me I was wrong for another 5-10minutes!! I am “Mrs” but that’s because I’m old now and shockingly just didn’t think about it when I got married. I certainly don’t agree with one sex (or is it gender?!) having a different “title” depending on their marital status when the other doesn’t!

Ugh how annoying

I think it is an age thing. I've never been married, and when I was 21 I could use Miss or Ms and never have it changed. At some point in my 30s this changed, and now (in my 40s and with a DC) my title frequently gets defaulted to Mrs.

I always ask when I'm taking customer details
You can be dr, lady, Mrs, ms, miss, professor... .. whatever you want. The only thing it won't let us do it select no title

I’ve never managed to get anywhere with the NHS on this subject. Just get caught in an eternal loop of the computer arguing back.

Yes. I left Barclays, in the end, at least partly because of this.